We’ve all been to a wedding, haven’t we? Well, here at hecklerspray we have attended many of the weddings of creepy, affected Michael Jackson fans and creepy, affected Beliebers who met as a direct result of their not being able to take a joke.
Of course these weddings are all jelly and ice-cream affairs with two songs played on repeat. Let’s say- for argument’s sake- that shit one by Justin Bieber and the other shit one that the dead guy did with Akon from beyond the grave.
Generally though, weddings are a bit of a laugh. Admittedly one has to sit through the bone-crushing boredom of the ceremony behind two people who are statistically more likely to get divorced in a blaze of tears and other people’s bodily fluids than they are to live happily, professing their undying love for one another until the day that they eventually pop off this mortal coil, safe and sound in their beds like that bit at the end of that crap Robin Williams film. After that, however, it’s on to the food and watching friends and relatives get apocalyptically drunk until a spinster aunt bursts into tears at the first rendition of ‘Angels’. Good fun for all.
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Adele – great voice, shame she’s a dick – must have an album out soon because she keeps cropping up in the press talking about inane rubbish. No different from any other popstar then? Well, that’s not strictly true because some of the things Adele’s been coming out with are just… odd.
Recently, she chastised herself for being an idiot when it comes to men (expecting them to be able to read her mind) and talked about her gay friends crying on her doorstep all the time (what is she doing to them?), but all that has nothing on her latest tale.
Basically, she nearly killed P Diddy. With a golf buggy.
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P Diddy is a very wealthy man. Wealthy enough, in fact, to get us to pose for several embarrassing pictures with 1,000 severed crocodile dongs.
We were paying for college, and no crocodiles were completely killed in the process. Leave us alone.
May we just say that should we ever run for president those pictures are not us, although the likeness is uncanny. Now about Diddy being super wealthy and all – he’s got money spilling out of unnatural places. You’d think he could get any woman he wants – right? Yet somehow he opted for Cameron Diaz, a woman who looks like an onion.
Seriously – picture her there smirking – especially in her new Vegas movie, and then picture an upside down vidalia onion. The shape is exactly the same, hence, Cameron Diaz looks like an onion. This seriously hit us just now.
Anyway, Diddy is apparently dating said onion, and we’ve stumbled across several evidences to prove it.
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P Diddy is a very wealthy man. Wealthy enough, in fact, to get us to pose for several embarrassing pictures with 1,000 severed crocodile dongs.
We were paying for college, and no crocodiles were completely killed in the process. Leave us alone.
May we just say that should we ever run for president those pictures are not us, although the likeness is uncanny. Now about Diddy being super wealthy and all – he’s got money spilling out of unnatural places. You’d think he could get any woman he wants – right? Yet somehow he opted for Cameron Diaz, a woman who looks like an onion.
Seriously – picture her there smirking - especially in her new Vegas movie, and then picture an upside down vidalia onion. The shape is exactly the same, hence, Cameron Diaz looks like an onion. This seriously hit us just now.
Anyway, Diddy is apparently dating said onion, and we've stumbled across several evidences to prove it.
