Trashing hotel rooms is something of a right of passage for rock stars. They do it through boredom, anger or, in the case of most modern bands, because you’ve been told you MUST do it and as we all know, modern rock bands haven’t got an original idea between them.
However, when it comes to wilful destruction, there’s not many who are as creative as Ozzy Osbourne.
As we’ve all heard, he’s bitten the head from a bat, as well as biting the head off a dove and spitting it at the CEOs of his record company. He also took a piss on The Alamo. But what about destroying a room with a dead shark?
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Imagine this. You’re pasty. You have a gigantic head. You’re accent is neither here-nor-there. You have made a living purely from swearing and being a vague dare-devil on some terrestrial sub-channel. You’re an Osbourne.
The chances of you successfully mating with someone should be so slim, that you feel like chopping your wang off.
However, we live in a stupid, stupid world and, indeed, Jack Osbourne has not only found someone who will willingly have sex with him, but they’re also willing to repeatedly do it without a prophylactic so that your Osbourne seed will harvest in your womb. Like we said, it’s a stupid, stupid world.
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You’d think that Sharon Osbourne was unshockable wouldn’t you? After all, she’s willingly had intercourse with Ozzy Osbourne, probably with the lights on too. She’s also stared at her own surgically enhanced face in the mirror, while wearing no make-up. She lets her dogs shit in the house.
However, it seems Sharon is a bit of a prude, especially when it comes to accidental porn.
Now, that’s not to say she’s discovered a new niche of bongo films, where people get off with each other while in a train wreck (it’s only a matter of time before that takes off), but rather, her cheery daughter, Kelly, has revealed that Sharon was left agog after someone accidentally sent some smut to her mobile.
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Seven of the current Top Ten has got the ubiquitous ‘feat.’ on the sleeve. Yep, it is pretty common these days to get some rapper to wander into the studio on lay down a quick half-baked rhyme to break up the sound of an autotuned voice. Sometimes it works… often, you simply wonder why.
With so many collabs in the charts presently, it got us thinking about the times it really doesn’t work at all. We’re talking Bing and Bowie levels of wrong (for the record, not included in the list because it is insultingly obvious).
So with that, here’s a Top 10 Worst Musical Collaborations in pop history. There’s a very good chance we’ve forgotten some, so feel free to add your own musical collaborative crimes in the comments. Read More >>>
10 – The end of the actual world: coming sooner than you think - Asylum
9 – Katie Holmes undergoes an internal software upgrade – AmyGrindhouse
8 – That’s DOCTOR Ozzy Osbourne to you – Slantedscience
7 - What’s that? You want to see a child having his teeth pulled out BY A ROCKET? Oh, fine, whatever – Geekologie
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The world of entertainment has lost another of its true greats, adding yet another name to the list of death in the last few months.
Following the hysterical splurge of affection for a man who just the day before was being mocked around the clock on Michael Jackson‘s death, through the shameful ignorance shown by the general populace on Steven Wells‘ death and after the rather embarrassing position David Carradine seemed to get himself into – before dying in said position – we have been left shocked by yet another loss.
Ozzy Osbourne‘s dog has been eaten by a coyote.
It’ll be alright – wipe away the tears.
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We’d always figured that Ozzy Osbourne was pretty libel-proof, because whatever you accuse him of, chances are he’s already done it.
Snorting a line of ants? Check. Chewing the heads off animals? Check. Urinating on the Alamo? Check. Getting hammered and trying to murder his wife? Check. Falling over a couple of times before the Brit Awards earlier this year? No way! Ugh! You sick bastard! Suggest that and Ozzy Osbourne will sue your tits off.
And win, too – Ozzy Osbourne has won undisclosed damages from the Daily Star after it claimed that Ozzy had a health scare right before the Brit Awards that almost saw him get withdrawn from the show. Turns out, though, that he was such a shaky and incoherent mess during the Brit Awards because he’s Ozzy Osbourne. Sheesh.
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The Brits are tomorrow, and only one thing can save us from the slow carbon monoxide poisoning of Mika, Kaiser Chiefs and Leona Lewis performances.
And that's Ozzy Osbourne violently attacking Heather Mills.
It'll happen, too, if Heather Mills decides to show her face at the Brits. Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne have more or less said so themselves. And forget watching Take That mumbling a gracious acceptance speech – who wouldn't want to see a confused, shaking old drug addict having a punch-up with a terrified amputee? Nobody, that's who.
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