Night at the Museum 2 isn’t a film content with itself. When it isn’t vying for the title of most irrelevant sequel, it decides to take a trip to Ben Stiller’s house for a mass celebrity circle jerk.

This isn’t just an excuse to make a mundane sequel, but for a bunch of overpaid comedians to make few laughs out of big ideas.

Growing up, adventure films would appeal to the simplistic nature of our naive brains and inspire us to climb trees and swashbuckle imaginary friends until our parents took us into psychotherapy.

What gave these films their longevity? Their lasting appeal for adults, their refusal to patronise and their universal humour. Now, what we are left with is Ben Stiller slapping two monkeys round the face – times have changed.

Night at the Museum didn’t set the world on fire. A night guard at a museum pitted against the exhibits as they came alive at night – it was a premise that had potential to be an exciting adventure tale, but the end result was underwhelming.

What we get in the sequel is more of the same. We get a brief glimpse at the larger scale objects that are sure to amaze but nothing really takes off. The only thing that is substituted from the original is the location and – instead of the father and son relationship anguish – it has Larry doubting his newly found fortune. Amelia Earhart (the adorable Amy Adams) lends support and acts as a strange love interest (considering she turns to wax come sunlight – something they get around with a cop-out, come closing credits).

One of the most surprising elements of the film is how it can be so packed with great comedy actors, some old (Christopher Guest) and some new (Bill Hader), but all of whom make damp squibs of their respective roles. Ben Stiller just seems to mope about in a role that actually gives him less to do than the original.

As an aid to the little ADHD, dribbling spawn that the film is aimed that, there are enough colourful characters and monkey-slapping action to keep them transfixed for quite a while. Otherwise there is little here for anybody to really connect with. Stiller is going through a mid-life crisis of sorts – something your average eight-year-old finds as interesting as their veg – and appears dull to adults. The historical figures are about as accurate as a pack of Top Trumps cards, with only Al Capone proving entertainment value.

When it comes to the finale battle, neither Steve Coogan entering stage left mounting a squirrel or eagle-headed Spartans make a spectacular finale. This throw-it-at-the-wall approach to studio comedy is ineffective and a reflection of a business that thinks sticking a bunch of ‘it’ name comedians in a bluescreen room with a blank page in front of them equals comedy gold. This is instead a display of Ben Stiller polishing his ego and giving a generous cheque to all his buddies.

Hecklerspray Rating: 2/5

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Some people are spoiled, some are deluded.

Some are wrapped in a bubble of inescapable idiocy and some are so far gone and delusional that not even smacking them around the face with a sharp dose of reality will do them any good.

Which of those categories the formerly likeable actor Owen Wilson falls into for his lack of ability to understand how the recession has hit ‘the little people’ remains to be seen.

Now, given recent events and his going through hard times that somewhat reflect a real struggle, one would think that the Hollywood leading man would be able to conjure realistic empathy and put himself in the shoes of people who had really suffered and felt real loss.

Well screw you for having so much faith in him, cos he is incapable of feeling one tenth of the pain you have felt since you lost your job/ your home/ your kitten (bailiffs take those too when you don’t pay the bills, right?)

The crest of the recession wave has hit Hollywood according to Owen and it has effected him and his brethren in horrid and unspeakable ways. The recession has led to… having to wear the same movie wardrobe more than once!

Yep, anyone who actually may have felt the fall out of the financial implosion be damned. According to the on-again off-again flame of Kate Hudson, the most shocking and startling part of the Hollywood recession is that this one time he actually had to wear some boots for a scene and he’d worn the same ones near a decade earlier for a different movie. *The author gasps as she blogs from the inside of a discarded crisp packet*

From Showbiz Spy:

Owen Wilson says the recession has well and truly hit Hollywood — because he had to reuse a pair of cowboy boots for his new movie. The 40-year-old star says the shoes he was given in his costume for Night at the Museum 2 were the same pair he used in Shanghai Noon nine years ago. “I was allowed to take the boots that I wore in the movie home,” says Owen. “They’re actually the same boots that I wore in Shanghai Noon, so it was kind of funny.”

Given that I have no home at present as the big mean bailiffs took it off me and I am writing this from the inside of a (very large) crisp packet that I found in the street, you will have to forgive me for sounding bitter and cynical at the lack of feeling over the quote above.

Would the world not be a much nicer and sunnier place if the only downside of the current economy were that you had to downsize to a house with one less pool. Or better yet, if you had to cut staffing levels so that you only had one personal assistant and not two?

You are a caring and generous bunch over here. I thought that since you all have money to burn, and as much sympathy as I, you could stand by my side and join me as I begin the “Poor Bastard: What A Bloody Hard Life You’ve Got ” Fund.

I am going to begin the fund with an initial donation of “Screw you… have these damn boots instead if you’re so hard up”.

Feel free to add “Are you freakin’ kidding me!?” and we can stop collecting and hand over the proceeds, once we reach the grand amount of “There, there, who’s a sad little millionaire then”.

This was a guest blog by Amy Grindhouse, who really does live in a crisp packet, you know.

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You ARE? Well what are you waiting around here for? You’re exactly Lance Armstrong’s cup of tea. And he’s single too, now, so form an orderly queue and before long you – yes you! – could be feeling Lance’s solitary testicle smacking repeatedly against your inner thigh during one of several sordid bunk-ups!

Lance Armstrong is single, by the way, because he’s split up with Kate Hudson. They were going out. They were. What do you mean you didn’t know? Don’t you understand how important any of this is? Cuh.

Celebrity interbreeding isn’t an especially common occurence, but there’s one tightly-knit little group of pan-directional celebrity shagging that’s impossible to untangle. It’s best to just describe it to you.

There’s Sheryl Crow. Sheryl used to be romantically linked with Owen Wilson, then they split up and she got together with Lance Armstrong before Lance Armstrong broke her heart and gave her cancer or something. Meanwhile Owen Wilson got over his split with Sheryl Crowe by getting all kissy kissy with Kate Hudson, who’d recently divorced rocker Chris Robinson. Then Kate Hudson left Owen and Owen tried to kill himself so they got back together and then she left him for Lance Armstrong, who’d previously been shagging an Olsen twin.

Are you keeping up? Good, because Matthew McConaughey – Kate Hudson’s regular co-star and Lance Armstrong’s nonsexual best friend – is also involved in this mess somewhere. We think he just stood on the sidelines and played the bongos.

Got all that locked down? Good. Now forget it all, because Kate Husdon and Lance Armstrong have split up. Access Hollywood reports:

Just three months after Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong began dating, they have split. The actress and cyclist ended their short-lived relationship over the weekend. “There was no drama or ugliness – They just decided to end things,” a source close to the couple told the mag. “There is no hatred, just sadness.”

It is sad, isn’t it? Wait, no. Sadness doesn’t really cover what you’re probably feeling at the moment, does it? You’re probably feeling – oh, what’s the word? – total screaming titting ambivalence. Yes, that’s it.

But now that Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson have split up, what happens now? We’ve whittled the options down to the following:

1) Kate Hudson gets back with Owen Wilson,

2) Lance Armstrong gets back with Sheryl Crow,

3) Kate Hudson gets together with Sheryl Crow while Lance Armstrong and Owen Wilson watch,

4) Matthew McConaghey plays the bongos to cheer everyone up, so everyone stays for a little while just to be polite but then they badmouth him bitterly behind his back as soon as they leave.

Or, of course, what could happen is somehow – between Lance Armstrong, Kate Hudson, Sheryl Crow, the Olsen woman, Owen Wilson and Matthew McConaughey – one of them manages to break free of their weird little incestuous social gnarl and meet someone who hasn’t shagged every single other person they know.

Maybe that’s too much to ask. Babysteps, hecklerspray, babysteps.

Yeah, that’s a good saying.

On a completely unrelated subject, fresh off her split from Owen Wilson (again) Kate Hudson and bazillion time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong are apparently dating. They were seen out together. Eating food. Twice.

Kate Hudson. You may know her as Goldie Hawn’s daughter, or ex-wife of Black Crowes lead singer mangy hippie Chris Robinson, or the girl that dated Owen Wilson just prior to his unfortunate attempted life-ending mishap, or that girl that makes those movies with Matthew McConaughey that make you die a little inside and ruin the flavour of your Milk Duds because you can’t stop vomiting a bit in your mouth watching them, but now you can know her as Lance Armstrong’s gal.

It’s hard to keep up with those famous kids these days. Reports were just recently buzzing that Kate Hudson was back together with former smoochy love Owen Wilson, but reports of their breakup were out about as fast as their hookup.

Then on the other icky hand, you have Lance Armstrong who was engaged to Sheryl Crow, and his last conquest was reportedly Ashley Olsen (the probably not so bulimic-y Olsen twin).

Anyway, the pair were spotted in Texas over the weekend at a couple of Austin eateries. First, they dined at Eddie V’s, a high-end restaurant. This is all true, you know. An insider says so:

“They came in [Friday] and had dinner together, it’s true,” an insider tells PEOPLE

See? Told you so. The next night they ate with Lance’s three kids, so it must be getting serious. Either that or they all magically happened to be hungry at the same time.

Regardless, it’s great to see that since retiring from professional cycling, Lance has taken up a hobby, like dating girls that he can share t-shirts with. Not only is cost effective, but it doubles the wardrobe, really.

Read more:

Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong’s Weekend in Austin – People

So, genuinely, it’s charming to see Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson back together again. According to reports, Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson were being all romantic together in Miami on Saturday for Kate’s birthday. Let’s hope that this time Owen and Kate’s relationship doesn’t end in the same tragic circumstances as it did before.

By which we clearly mean Fool’s Gold. Nobody should have to suffer through something as awful as that more than once. Ugh, it’s bringing us out in hives just thinking about it.

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have always enjoyed something of an unconventional relationship. Owen Wilson was Kate Hudson’s first big fling after her marriage to Chris Robinson crumbled but – despite starring in a not very good film together – they were both reluctant to officially confirm their love for one another. They never responded to the rumours, and every time Owen and Kate were seen in public they acted all cagey and stuff.

Sadly, just when it looked like they might be ready so shack up and create the world’s most alarmingly blonde children, Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson split up and Owen Wilson tried to kill himself. Whether or not the suicide attempt was due to the break-up with Hudson or because of some deeper underlying psychological trauma that Owen Wilson has grappled with has never been made clear.

But, hey, it doesn’t really matter because it worked – it looks very much like Hate Hudson and Owen Wilson are a couple again! Yay! People reports:

Hudson joined Wilson, 39, and his parents for a lunch at Lario’s on South Beach Saturday afternoon. “The four of them sat away from the crowds and had a blast,” says a source at the restaurant… The lovebirds then walked hand-in-hand to Skybar at the Shore Club, where they lounged and partied poolside on a bed. The pair chatted with each other, shared kisses and “were very sweet looking, it was super lovey-dovey,” according to one onlooker.

It’s actually quite heartwarming, isn’t it? Owen Wilson has pulled himself back from the brink of personal ruin and he’s stronger than ever. Back in the old days, the mixture of a relationship with Kate Hudson and the filming of a romantic comedy about a lovely dog with Jennifer Aniston would have sent Owen Wilson’s friends and family scurrying off to remove all the sharp objects from his house. But not any more.

However, we just hope that Owen Wilson doesn’t enter into anything too quickly. For instance, if he suddenly decides that he’s so in love with Kate Hudson that he wants to make a sequel to You, Me And Dupree, then we’ll have him booked into the nearest lobotomy clinic in a jiffy regardless of the consequences.

Read more:

Owen & Kate’s Romantic Birthday Date in Miami – People

Not content with forging a relationship with Vince Vaughn that lasted almost the exact length of time of The Break-Up's promotional cycle, Jennifer Aniston is now reportedly getting smoochy with Owen Wilson.

Yes, it would appear that Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson are an item. Wow, a suicidal depressive and a woman who give off all signs of not being over the distant collapse of her marriage. Those cosy nights in together must be just scintillating.

It's been seven months since Owen Wilson attempted suicide, and common consensus says that he should take it easy while he's in his current fragile emotional state. Anything too traumatic could trigger a relapse, which is the last thing that anyone wants.

But Owen Wilson doesn't care about anything like that – he wants to look fear in the eye. Which is just as well, because he's currently filming the most traumatic project of his life – a romantic comedy. A romantic comedy about a dog who brings a warring couple together. A romantic comedy about a dog who brings a warring couple together that – gulp – co-stars Jennifer Aniston. And, face it, that's enough to send most people to the quivering brink of suicide.

However, there's apparently been an interesting development on the set of this movie, entitled Marley And Me. Rumour has it that Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston might just be getting it on. M&C reports:

According to Star, Owen Wilson has been seen "canoodling" Jennifer Aniston in Miami, where they're currently playing husband and wife on the set of the upcoming film based on the best-selling book centered on a dog. "The hugging didn't end when the cameras stopped rolling," one crew member tells Star. "They were very flirty together, far more than you would expect. In between takes they were hanging onto each other. They are very friendly." Star also claims the two bonded before the film began production, "they were speaking regularly by phone and Jen sent Owen some of her favorite books, including The Power of Now," writes Star.

Does this sound familiar to anyone yet? It's almost like the time when Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn got all smoochy on the set of The Break-Up. And if that relationship was any indication, then Jennifer Anison and Owen Wilson can look forward to getting swarmed by marriage rumours by the middle of the summer that they'll coyly bat away until their movie is released on DVD, at which point they'll split up.

Oh, and also if that last relationship was also any indication, then Marley And Me is going to be a fat bucket of shit.

But hey, whether there's a genuine relationship blossoming between Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson or whether this is merely gossip – or even a deliberate PR exercise for the movie – at least it's safe to say that both Jennifer and Owen are getting something genuine that they honestly need from it.

Owen Wilson is getting affection and companionship, two things he almost certainly thought he was missing last August when he suddenly and shockingly slashed his wrists, which will help him on his continuing rehabilitation.

And as for Jennifer Aniston, well this is another way for her to prove to Angelina Jolie that she's not the only one who can shag people who she's filming with. Yeah that's right Angelina – suck it, you ho-skank!

Read more:

Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston rumors fly in Miami - M&C 

Orbison's teeth kept falling out and getting replaced every six months or so. During his lifetime he had dozens of sets, each eventually becoming loose and falling from his gums. You didn't know that did you? That's because you don't know Lou. He's the one that informed us, and has since been kind enough to sell us over two dozen of those tooth-sets for an average of $900 a piece. We paid less for the ones that looked sharp and bamboo-worn.

Stuff like Orbison's billions of teeth – well that's just celebrity memorabilia. It's a billions of dollars a-year industry for those lucky enough to be in a position to sell such things. Sometimes though, you get a piece of celebrity for free. Owen Wilson's used underpants, for instance, were recently abandoned by the man himself in a very large, successful & wonderful upscale clothing store in Maui.

Did we mention they were dirty?

The good news is Owen Wilson is now doing well enough to dress himself at least once a day. Any more than that and you risk him forgetting to stick his legs through his skivvies, if you catch our drift. So it was in a Maui clothing shop recently where ol' hawk-nose went to dress up in pants.

He stepped into the dressing room with his boys secure, and left with 'em grasping for the floor faster than Molly Ringwald falls out of an Asian billionaire's birthday cake. We heard she does that sometimes. We can't back that up. That sentence has no basis.

Abandoned underwear witness 'Ry Ry Stephens' puts it best:

"Owen Wilson? Well, he came in to my store lookin' for pants. One thing led to another. Next thing I know, the age 40 and up female employee's now have his underpants. Pristine, white, asain embroidered undies. Now I ain't sayin' he's a cougar hunter, I'm just sayin' he left a nice thoughtful gift in exchange for some tried and true guest service in the men's department. And I didn't mean that in a cable TV kind of way."

If you are at all worried about the undergarment – don't. We've been well assured they're in a good home now, and their current owner has already attached a strap and stitched closed a leg-hole on the way to make them into a hand bag. And since it's Hawaii, we also assume a Magnum PI moustache will eventually be groomed in with a black silhouette of TC's helicopter. We envision it all about halfway down the front. Nice.

With potential like that, GoldenPalace.com must be salivating.