Articles tagged with: over
Ladies, form an orderly queue - Guy Ritchie is now a single man. And, come to think of it, Madonna is also now a single man too. Just a few hours ago, Madonna and Guy Ritchie formally finalised their divorce once and for all, putting an end to almost eight years of happy marriage, unhappy marriage, rumoured affairs and possibly the most offensively inaccurate adopted British accent in the history of time itself. While Madonna apparently reacted to news of her divorce by sticking her middle fingers up at her audience during a concert, Guy Ritchie is said to have merely sighed "Thank God." But that's not important now - the important thing is that Madonna won't be involved in any of Guy Ritchie's films any more, which should elevate them to 'merely unwatchable' from their previous status as 'flesh-clawing suicidal thought-inducers'.
Historians know that the end of the Napoleonic War came when Napoleon's wife had drunken vomity sex with another man and the Duke of Wellington felt a bit sorry for him.
And now history has repeated itself. Following the revelation that Cheryl Cole's husband Ashley Cole loved nothing more than to dick a bunch of slappers while throwing up the contents of his guts all over them, Cheryl Cole's arch-nemesis Lily Allen has called a truce.
That's right - the ferocious Allen-Cole war is over. Maybe if politicians were more like Lily Allen the world would be a better place. Although if more politicians were like Lily Allen there'd be a lot more shambling amateurish BBC Three chat shows. Probably best that they're not, then.
The feud between Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck was one that not even the most hardcore pervert could have imagined turning sexual.
But that's exactly what has hap... no, we're only joking. Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck aren't fighting any more, but only because Rosie though to send Elisabeth's newborn some gifts.
Still, we had you with the sex thing, right? Right?
