Oh Oscars, how could you? Up in chihuahua heaven, little Loki Rourke is in floods. Floods. Are you happy now?
You’d better be. Because, even though he’s won every single other award on the face of the Earth for The Wrestler, the Oscars have just decided to snub Mickey Rourke and give the Best Actor trophy to Sean Penn. Honestly Oscars, when Mickey Rourke goes off the rails again and ends up starring in Sylvester Stallone‘s Get Carter 2, the blood will be on your hands.
Also, Slumdog Millionaire won a bunch of Oscars, which is a great surprise to… oh, nobody.
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Spoiler alert: if you don’t want your Oscar night feast of bad dresses and unbearable smugness ruined, stop reading.
Also, if you don’t care about the Oscars, stop reading. So that should leave us with only people who sort of like the Oscars a bit but they’re not women or gay or anything. Welcome aboard, tiny remaining audience.
Excuse our preamble, because we’re about to tell you who’ll win all the Oscars. We mean it – bookies say they’ve never been more convinced. Slumdog Millionaire, by the way. There, that’s saved you about four hours of your life. Spend it wisely.
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