Oscars - HecklerSpray

Oscar-Nominated Muslim Director Can’t Even Go to the Damn Oscars

January 28th, 2017 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

In the week since Donald Trump has become president, he has basically done every single evil and shitty thing he promised he’d do, and no one is more surprised than I am. I mean, I genuinely figured he’d take office and do nothing. Grab white house secretary’s asses or some vile shit, but nothing that would truly put the whole damn country in turmoil.

Boy, was I wrong. Aside from all his abortion and wall building heinous bullshit, you guys have probably also heard about his EXTREMELY unconstitutional Muslim ban. Trump made an executive order blocking citizens of seven Muslim majority countries from entering the US. This means that Iranian, Oscar-Winning and currently Oscar-nominated director Asghar Farhadi can’t even attend the fucking Oscars this year.

How Nate Parker Screwed Over Black Hollywood

August 18th, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Yeah, yeah, this is 100% going to be one of Krysta’s woke af blogs where half of you jump in the comments section and accuse me of being a left-wing obsessed black lesbian, but I don’t really care (still white, still married to a dude, still Canadian. I don’t even know if we have a right or a left because we’ve got like 100 parties).

Have you heard of Nate Parker? You should have. And if you haven’t by now, he’ll be blowing up entertainment news soon, but sadly for a bunch of shitty reasons.

The Oscars Still Don’t Like Jennifer Aniston

January 15th, 2015 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Every so often, Jennifer Aniston will take a break from doing shitty romantic comedies and do some sort of indie movie where has to wear little to no make up and all her fans so “OMG, JENNIFER ANISTON IS FINALLY A SHOE IN TO GET AN OSCAR NOMINATION AND THAT WILL TOTALLY SHOW ANGELINA JOLIE!” This year, thanks to her movie “Cake” (which I know nothing about, but assume it has something to do with baking), her fans once again took on the role of believing that Jen was a sure shot for an Oscar, and once again they’ve been let down.

The Oscar nominations have been announced, and once again Jennifer Aniston was not nominated for Best Actress. But you know who was nominated for Best Actor? Steve Fucking Carrell! Michael Scott, himself. Go fucking figure!

The 5 Best Moments from the 2014 Oscars

October 26th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

So, the Oscars happened Sunday night and, I’ve got to say, it was a pretty great show. Ellen DeGeneres was an absolutely delightful host, there were some solid musical numbers, a bunch of beautiful people won acting Oscars and gave lovely speeches, Brad and Angelina were there, Gravity didn’t win Best Picture, so all in all it was a great night for me.

However, all these “nice” moments weren’t what made the show so great for me. Sure, I like a moving speech and Matthew McConaughey’s “Alright alright alright” as much as anyone, but it was these five moments, in no particular order, that made say “Yep, this Oscar show is special.”

Meryl Streep is up for her Millionth Oscar! A Rundown of the Nominees

January 16th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

What Beyonc? is to music, Meryl Streep is to film: the motherfucking Queen. So bow down, bitches, because Meryl just got nominated for the EIGHTEENTH time! Home girl has not only broken the nominations record, she’s shattered it, taken the broken pieces, melted them down, and had them made into an honorary Oscar for being the top bitch in Hollywood.

Do I think Meryl will pick up her fourth Oscar? No, probably not. Not that she doesn’t deserve it, because let’s face it, Meryl Streep could do a guest spot on Criminal Minds and it’d probably be Oscar worthy, but if they gave Meryl the Oscar every time she deserved it all other actresses would basically give up. That’s why they space out her Oscars, you know?

Ben Affleck Finally Gains Some Credibility

March 9th, 2013 By Chris Starr

Ben Affleck’s sitting pretty now on top of the Hollywood heap. Not so long ago the man was the butt of jokes about some of the dirge he’s been attached to, but suddenly 2013 became the year of Affleck. He’s critically acclaimed and publicly lauded for his work as a director and actor in “Argo”, ending up with one of those Oscar statuettes that mean that yes, the people like you, they really like you.

It’s been a career of peaks and troughs, with some high notes and a lot of low ones. The whole thing started inauspiciously 40 years ago, when Affleck was born. Already he was forced to contend with great difficulties: his birth name was Benjamin G?za Affleck-Boldt, for one thing, ensuring no-one at school could possibly take him seriously.

Seth McFarlane and The Onion Had A Terrible Oscars Night

February 26th, 2013 By Chris Starr

So in case you hadn’t noticed that night of inoffensive behaviour and backslapping called the Oscars happened this weekend. And truthfully, like ‘Lincoln’, the film for which Daniel Day-Lewis won his third Oscar and was anointed the best actor, like, ever for, the whole thing was three and a half hours of boredom.

There were long speeches punctuated by a sense of mock reverence for something which ought to be insulted for all its worth. It was dull, dull, dull, and for the most part, totally pointless.

Rihanna Is Not Dating Ashton Kutcher, Stopping Advent Of World’s Most Ghoulish Couple

March 29th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Did you hear the one about Rihanna being romantically linked to Ashton Kutcher? If you didn’t, you’ve not been reading hecklerspray and, frankly, we hate you for that. There has been reports that the two were knocking their uglies together though.

A dreadful, honking notion, don’t you think?

Well, it seems RiRi isn’t letting The Kutch part her lips with his long, coyote-esque peen which is great news for Demi Moore who looked for all the world like she was going to top herself over the whole thing. So what does Ri have to say about it all?

Demi Moore Understandably Devastated By Ashton Kutcher And Rihanna Having It Off With Each Other

March 28th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

In what universe is it okay to see Ashton Kutcher and Rihanna in a relationship? Just how did we smite thee god, to end up with such a repugnant pair, followed closely by a broken Demi Moore?

This is what is happening according to reports and rumours.

The vapid Kutch is rumoured to be having a thing with the odious, wearisome faux-nymph Rihanna, which of course, is ruining Demi Moore who has been looking rather unhinged and fragile since Bruce Willis left her some time in 4,000BC.