Spoiler alert: if you don’t want your Oscar night feast of bad dresses and unbearable smugness ruined, stop reading.
Also, if you don’t care about the Oscars, stop reading. So that should leave us with only people who sort of like the Oscars a bit but they’re not women or gay or anything. Welcome aboard, tiny remaining audience.
Excuse our preamble, because we’re about to tell you who’ll win all the Oscars. We mean it – bookies say they’ve never been more convinced. Slumdog Millionaire, by the way. There, that’s saved you about four hours of your life. Spend it wisely.
