Wizards are great aren’t they? They get to wear those funny pointy hats and not get accused of being in some dreadful cult and, better yet, magic comes out of the end of their fingers!

They’re like Siegfried and Roy, only without the accidental mauling by an albino tiger!

And what has got us thinking about wizardry? Well, The Sims: Medieval asked us to think about our fave sorcerers and magic men! We like thinking about magic men. It is much better than thinking about those stoopid celebrities all the time!

The Sims: Medieval sees you getting your heroes and developing quests and kingdoms for them and, better yet, Patrick Stewart is on hand to set you on your way in this trailer showing off the game.

Isn’t that swell?

Yes it is. And Patrick Stewart has the voice of a sorcerer. We actually think he might be a real-life wizard but he’s waiting to see if he can grow a decent enough beard before letting us all in on his magical secret!

Anyway, watch this fun trailer.

Now, here are our favourite magic folk! And no, Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee don’t make an appearance.

Miracle Max from The Princess Bride

Billy Crystal’s portrayal of Miracle Max is one of his best and most underrated roles. Max is the last miracle worker in Florin who was fired by Humperdinck (you promised you’d never say that name again!) and saves Westley’s life to get revenge and all that good stuff!

Orco from He-Man

Orco, in fairness, was a bit wet. However, he is worth including in this list because a) He had a really cool outfit (especially with that big ‘O’ on his chest – it made him look a bit like a superhero) and b) When you bought the figure of him, he came with a rip-cord and some magic tricks in which you could impress your pals with! Eat that Beast Man!

Roy Wood’s Wizzard

Presto from Dungeons and Dragons

Presto was absolutely hopeless. Completely useless in every single respect. However, that is why we liked him. He was a good geek and a refreshing anecdote to all those wizard sorts who always knew what they were doing and filled with wisdom.

Zantanna

Daughter of a magician and object of lust for Batman, Zantanna is one of the most powerful members of the Justice League and has genetic blood magic! She’s also the token woman in our list because there aren’t many women sorcerers in fiction that we can think of!

Mandrake from Defenders of the Earth

*sings* Master of magic spells and illuuuusion… enemies grumble with fear and confuuuusion… or something. It’s been a while since we saw Mandrake in action but we sure liked his threads and pencil moustache.

The Wizard Of Oz

The Wizard, who we were all off to see whether we liked it or not, was the archetypal lad who got bullied at school for being a squirt who used his wiley brain to seek revenge on everyone. After being told off by Dorothy and Co, he shrugged and knocked the whole tyrannical despot thing on the head.

Gandalf Lord Of The Rings

Great beard! Great magic! Everyone likes Gandalf! Well, apart from Saruman and he probably likes him a bit.

Dumbledore from Harry Potter

Mr Mellow, Dumbledore from Harry Potter has the best magic coming out of his fingers and he’s dead clever! Not only that, he puts up with Harry Potter all the stinkin’ time, for which he should be applauded.

Merlin

The original and still the best wizard (yes, even including Roy Wood AND Black Sabbath’s song, ‘The Wizard’), good ol’ Merlin is the subject of many ’70s bands affection and generally keeps appearing in films and on TV because no-one quite captured our hearts like him! Just don’t mention that rubbish BBC series, okay?

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

Nothing beat Saturday morning cartoons when you were growing up.

That feeling of waking up stupidly early so you could sit cross-legged and transfixed on the TV for hours on end is hard to beat.

Sure, as adults, we have sex, sleep-ins and cars to entertain us during the weekends – but are they really as good? OK, yes, they are, so we won’t labour the point.

Anyway, cartoons are great. But, let’s face it, some of the cartoons and cartoon characters they used to inflict on us were just terrible. They were tantamount to child abuse, seriously. You know which ones we mean – and we can only assume the people who created them had miserable childhoods.

They hated children and wanted to get back at us for some hideous playground incident back when they were nine. How else do you explain Lisa Simpson? Or even Scrappy Doo? We can only live in hope that the person responsible for Scrappy Doo will spend their after-life in the ninth level of Hell – alongside Hitler, Stalin and the guy who played Jar Jar Binks.

Anyway, here are the cartoon characters which annoyed us the most – please feel free to suggest your own,
Enjoy!

21. Tweety Bird
From: Various cartoons

How cute: a little canary with a New Jersey accent.  Please eat him Sylvester and floss with his birdie bones.

20. Pebbles and Bam-Bam (especially when they grew up)
From: The Flintstones

Seriously, what was the point?

19. Teddy Ruxpin
From: The Adventures of Teddy Ruxpin

Could he be more earnest and annoying? You’re a bear for God’s sake, go nick some picnic baskets or kill something!

18. Porky Pig
From: Various cartoons

A pig with a stutter – just great! Genius! What next? A hare with a harelip? A monkey with a drug habit? A hedgehog who fantasises about having sex with rhinos? Actually…

17. Pepe Le Pew
From: Les Adventures de Pepe Le Pew or something

A French skunk who smells and is a bit of a sex pest. Now, we are no fans of our neighbours over the Channel, but that’s some serious stereotyping going on there. He should have been lazy, eat anything that isn’t tied down and carried a white flag with ‘strike’ on it too. Wait a minute!

16. Olive Oyl
From: Popeye

So why were they fighting over her again?

15. Luigi
From: The Super Mario Brothers Super Show

Luigi was the halfwit brother of videogame icon and fellow plumber Mario. He also was one of the main reasons Mario Bros the cartoon sucked.

14. Gazoo
From: The Flintstones

Whatever the Flintstones creators were on when they came up with a snotty, tiny green alien who only Fred could see should be banned immediately.

13. C-3PO
From: Droids: The Adventures of R2-D2 and C-3PO

George Lucas – you are going to Hell

12. Rubik
From: Rubik, The Amazing Cube

Even more annoying than a Rubik’s Cube. Do you know anyone who has actually solved one without cheating? Geek.

11. Angelica Charlotte Pickles
From: Rugrats

Whoever unleashed Rugrats on an unsuspecting world deserves being tortured by Jack Bauer.

10. Dungeon Master
From: Dungeons and Dragons

Can anyone be more smug? Or have worse hair? Put it this way: would you trust someone with that hair who calls himself ‘Dungeon Master’?

9. Uni
From: Dungeons and Dragons

While we are on the subject of Dungeons and Dragons, were we the only ones who wished that bloody unicorn and that annoying noise it made would die a horrible death?

8. David the Gnome
From: David the Gnome

A gnome. Named David. Thanks for this one, continental Europe.

7. Roadrunner
From: Roadrunner or something like that

Were we the only ones rooting for the coyote?

6. He-Man
From: He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

Stupid and stupid voice – some hero.

5. Bonkers D. Bobcat
From: Bonkers

Highly annoying Roger Rabbit rip-off – without Jessica Rabbit.

4. Snarf
From: Thundercats

Cursed with the most annoying voice on the planet, this alien cat nursemaid (now that is just odd) was simply a pointless character.

3. Orko
From: He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

We all wished He-man’s court jester would make himself disappear.

2. Lisa Simpson
From: The Simpsons

Yes, we know she plays an important role in the show, but did they really have to make her so annoying?

1. Scrappy -Doo
From: Scooby-Doo

Whoever came up with idea of Scrappy-Doo was a lonely, bitter person. He brought misery to millions of children. We hope you are happy.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!