2011 is the Chinese Year of the Rabbit but don’t let this complete non-sequitur put you off. Musically, this year has seen an alarming trend of bands reforming for reunion gigs. Or putting things into perspective; one final payday so they don’t have to remortgage the houses and get day jobs in motorway service stations. Where they may, or may not, sell cuddly rabbits.

There has been no shortage of bands announcing their triumphant return to the musical arena. Only yesterday, brotherly duo Orbital released a list of UK dates, though to their credit they are releasing a new album, but hopes aren’t high after hearing new single “Never.” It’s free for reason.

One band however decided to buck the trend of 2011 and called it a day. Poor REM, after appearing on Sesame Street nobody took them seriously. It was almost like people bought their records because Kermit the Frog threatened to butcher Miss Piggy’s insides following their appearance [That's not the right show - Ed.]. Nobody was bothered by the news, but it’s emerged that the split has been on the cards. Just ask Thom Yorke.

Some people doubt the ability of Thom Yorke to see into the future, given his slightly wonky vision. Perhaps he’s finally developed a superpower after years of it remaining dormant and passed the time making frustrating records with Radiohead. That could all change now thanks to Yorke correctly foretelling the demise of one of the saddest and ill looking bands in the world, REM. Could Thom Yorke now give up Radiohead and become a fulltime mystic?

Possessing only the power of the mind, we guess Thom Yorke is the only one who knows the answer, but what’s to stop us from guessing?

Fortune Telling:

“Follow me around” could be the cry from Yorke as he wanders through the empty suburbs, looking for individuals to part with their possessions in return for sagely advice. Or, it’ll all go belly up when the villagers realise they’ve been scammed and they chase him with pitchforks, eschewing chants of “burn the wonky witch!”

Ghost Hunting:

Radiohead supposedly want to give up the ghost according to a track on their last album. Could Thom Yorke use his magic powers to communicate with dead people such as Colonel Sanders and ask what his secret recipe is? Could we see him ask Michael Jackson if, when all’s said and done, he really did ruin Macaulay Culkin’s career? Or will he turn his powers to evil?

Selling Lucky Heather:

Since Kid A, Radiohead have made a fortune from special edition album covers that come attached with a band members toenail clipping and eyelashes. With this art well covered, it could be very easy for Yorke to carve squirrels from blocks of wood, telling non-believers that the object will grant them all sorts of mystical powers. Or it’ll turn them into a paranoid android. Paranoid… andr… oh, forget it.

Whilst we’d love to believe that Thom Yorke butchered puppies and kittens to make a magic potion that allowed him clairvoyancy, it was actually something much more boring. During an interview, Yorke said that Michael Stipe of REM:

“Sent him a text message warning him of the band’s impending split.”

Before adding:

“I think it was kind of going one way for a while. I just wanted to check that Michael was alright.”

Well we can’t knock Thom Yorke for caring about Michael Stipe can we? That’s what friends are for. After all, they’ve known each other for years since touring on the live scene together. So it seems vaguely logical that the two would share chunks of gossip. OR DID HE SEE IT ALL IN HIS CRYSTAL BALL?!

No, probably not.

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Separating the sweet, juicy flesh from the stone and skin of this week’s major label releases.

Planes are falling from the skies, the government is shrivelling up like a salted slug, and Brangelina are rumoured to be living separately. All unmistakable signs of an impending Apocalypse. But fear not: hecklerspray presents the music which this week will be arriving to make your lives wonderful. Better. Marginally more bearable. Slightly less of an endless dreary drag towards the inevitable end, and eternity spent in a pauper’s grave.

It’s the Monday Music Mango! Whoot!

As usual, each of the musics will be represented by a thought.

Firstly, The Eternal, Sonic Youth, Album. Nearly 30 years after their birth, the legendary “noiseniks” (TM) are about to release their 16th studio album. We’d like to believe that Placebo, who also release a new album this week, will have been sent a copy with the words “Real Music” scrawled across the cover.

Because, you know, Sonic Youth are ace and Placebo are a bit shit.

Featuring the beautifully emotion-filled vocals of Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon, the rumbling tumbling drums of Steve Shelley and more weirdly-tuned guitars than you can shake a plectrum at, courtesy of Lee Ranaldo, it’s a return to their peak. Kudos to the the Youth, by the way, for being incredibly zeigeisty and including what must have been a very hastily written song about Susan Boyle (Anti-Orgasm). You’ll like this album.

Trust us, we’re hecklerspray.

This album is represented by the thought:

“Okay, got the new Sonic Youth album, the Converse sneakers and an awesome pair of secondhand courduroy trousers. Time to head head home and write some material for tonight’s poetry jam.’

Secondly, The E.N.D., Black Eyed Peas, Album. Starring pants-wetting, formerly-ladylumps-loving singer Fergie, bandwagon-chasing-then-catching-then-singing-about shouter Will.I.Am., and two other blokes with even more ridiculously self-absorbed pseudonyms, the BEPs have been producing their catchy pop-hop since 2003. And more power to them, for what the world absolutely needs right now is more songs about boobs. Despite the video for I Gotta Feeling, which seems to have been directed by Abercrombie & Fitch‘s advertising agency, we have a soft spot for this sugary little album.

Standout track is Party All The Time, which we’d like to see subtitled as “When Kylie Met KISS“. This album is represented by the thought:

“Ladylumps! She means her tits!! LOLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Thirdly, 20, Orbital, Album. 20th anniversary retrospective roundup by the overlords of intelligent electronica. Orbital make us want to cut our ears off and replace them with iPods playing Chime on an endless, uplifting loop. They make us want to tattoo the words “Orbital Exist As Gods Upon Earth” on the insides of our eyelids. They…we love Orbital, okay?

Go and buy this, listen to it in its fancy, dancey, feelgoody glory, then come back here and try to claim you haven’t just had your mind opened, probed with a lightsabre and stitched back together. Because you have. Just not literally.

This album is represented by the thought:

“Are We Here? asked the song. Who are ‘we’? And where is ‘here‘? Oh bollocks, here is the Ozric Tentacles tent, and our acid-soaked selves are missing Orbital at this festval which we are currently at. Shitwanks.

Farewell, good folk, until next week’s Mango.

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