Posts tagged as:

Oprah Winfrey

Marion Jones Does A Roidy Blub-Blub On Oprah

by Stuart Heritage

We like our female athletes like we like our coffee – brutish and startlingly masculine – which is why we like Marion Jones so much.

Oh come on, you remember Marion Jones – the American athlete who won five medals at the 2000 Olympics and then lost them all because she was pumped up to the knockers on steroids, and then ended up getting thrown in jail for the exact same reason. Essentially Marion Jones is the Incredible Hulk, only bulkier and with a deeper voice.

Oprah Winfrey thinks so too, because yesterday Marion Jones appeared on her show in her first post-prison interview. Were there tears? Yes. Were therehamfisted stabs at self-help therapy-speak? Yes. Was there a moment where Marion Jones lost her temper with Oprah Winfrey, crushed her skull with one hand andjavelined her dead body into the sun. No, no there wasn’t. And don’t think we’re not disappointed about that.

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Shocking! Oprah Winfrey Goes On A Diet!

by hecklerspray staff

Oprah Winfrey’s name has become synonymous with yo-yo dieting over the years.

From one extreme of crash liquid diets to the other extreme of “yo, pass me that box of Ding Dongs”, Oprah’s weight has inexplicably become a fascinating topic to people. Actually, take out the word ‘weight’ from that sentence and you’ve still got a mighty true statement, but nonetheless, Oprah is going to do a 21-day vegan detox diet.

Does this mean we have to see her strut out to show off her new skinny outfits like she always does after a diet? Wait, we don’t watch anyway, so who really gives a lovely toss?

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Tom Cruise On Oprah: Sadly No Spazzy Leaping This Time

by Stuart Heritage

What a week; Iron Man, GTA IV and an anti-climactic interview between Tom Cruise and Oprah Winfrey- we’re being spoiled here.

Did you know that Tom Cruise was set to appear on Oprah? Did we mention that to you at all? Well, it’s happened – Tom Cruise’s long-anticipated rematch interview with Oprah Winfrey happened today and, boy oh boy, was it ever spectacular!

And if you’re one of those disgusting cynics who thought that this was just a deliberate attempt by Tom Cruise to publicly soften his controversial stance on Scientology and the use of psychiatric drugs in the softball presence of an old friend eager for viewers? Turns out you might have had a bit of a point.

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Tom Cruise Vs Oprah: More Slightly Underwhelming Details

by Stuart Heritage

Tomorrow’s the big day – the day when Oprah Winfrey goes toe-to-toe with Tom Cruise for a slightly creepy-looking interview.

But tomorrow’s too long to wait! We want to know the skinny about the Tom Cruise/ Oprah Winfrey interview now! So it’s just as well that some poor Oprah-slave has leaked out details of the interview in a not-at-all cynically pre-planned effort to boost Oprah’s ratings tomorrow.

So what hardball questions can we expect Oprah to ask Tom Cruise tomorrow? Well, according to the source, Tom is grilled on his family. And his marriage. And his views on psychiatry. And Scientology. And blah. And snore.

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Oprah Winfrey Discusses Tom Cruise’s Arse In Horrible Detail

by Stuart Heritage

This week’s rematch between Tom Cruise and Oprah Winfrey looks set to be the most exciting self-serving marketing stunt of the year!

However, we didn’t know what Tom Cruise and Oprah were going to discuss during Tom’s interview – until now. Because now it seems like it’s mostly about Tom Cruise’s arse.

Part of Oprah’s interview – conducted at Tom Cruise’s Colorado home – involved Oprah riding on Tom’s snowmobile, an experience that left Oprah blithering on about Tom Cruise’s butt and adding that she now knows what Katie Holmes sees in him. Financial gain despite an outwardly unconvincing relationship? Yep, actually that sounds about right.

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Tom Cruise Returns To Finish Oprah Off

by Stuart Heritage

Few moments are as iconic as when Tom Cruise jumped all over Oprah Winfrey’s couch in 2005 – and by ‘iconic’ we obviously mean ‘nightmarishly creepy’.

But, really, Tom Cruise’s appearance on Oprah left so many important questions unanswered. Questions like ‘What’s going on?’, ‘Does Tom Cruise honestly believe that this is good for his career?’, ‘Why am I watching Oprah?’, ‘What happened to my self-respect?’ and ‘I’m so alone. Why am I so very alone?’

Well now those questions are about to be answered, because Tom Cruise is about to spectacularly return to Oprah in a two-part special starting next week. It’s literally going to be the greatest television event starring two raging, power-crazed egotists ever broadcast exclusively to an audience of lazy housewives and housebound alcoholics. Ever.

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Oprah Winfrey Gets Her Own Freaking Network

by Stuart Heritage

Oprah Winfrey is everywhere – on TV, radio, the internet, in magazines – but why isn’t there a place where people can just stare at Oprah Winfrey’s face 24 hours a day?

Well just you wait, because soon there will be – Oprah Winfrey and Discovery have announced that they’re teaming up to launch OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network, completely dedicated to Oprah Winfrey.

Although details are scant at the moment, early Oprah Winfrey Network shows are thought to include Obey Oprah, Do Exactly As Oprah Says All The Time and The Remember That Oprah is Your All Powerful Leader And Non-Believers Will Be Crushed Coffee And Chat Fun Hour.

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Oprah Winfrey Not Especially Thrilled About All Those Abused Girls

by Stuart Heritage

Oprah Winfrey loves to force stuff on people – whether it’s a fleet of cars, charity debit cards or just nuggets of homespun self-help advice – but force young girls acts to perform sexual acts in Oprah’s name and it’s a different matter entirely.

That’s the case with the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy in South Africa anyway, where it turns out that instead of giving talented-yet impoverished South African girls the chance to develop the full potential that their conditions would have stopped them from reaching, she was actually inadvertently letting them get sexually abused by one of the staff. And now Oprah Winfrey has spoken to journalists about her “devastation” at discovering the scandal, promising that she’d “clean house” while introducing her new all-star teaching staff who’d make sure this would never happen again – Gary Glitter, Jonathan King, R Kelly and the creepy guy from down the road who your mum says touches women on the bus.

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