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Oprah Winfrey

The GREATEST Fat People Ever!

by Josh Burt

Now that it’s holiday season, all the famous stars are coming out with their taut, muscular bikini bodies. Some, like Scary Spice, got a little bit carried away, and now she’s got Peter Andre‘s 1990s stomach, which resembles tight latex stretched over two giant packets of Wrigley’s Extra. It’s a weird look, especially with a [...]

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Susan Boyle Would Rather Do Oprah Than Obama

by Paul Gibson

We apologise to sensitive readers, who may have brought a little bit of acid up when reading that headline.

It’s true, though. It’s been revealed that the beefy Caledonian lady has turned down an invitation to attend a White House party thrown by the new President, while accepting an offer from Oprah Winfrey to appear on her show, alongside Simon Cowell. We’re guessing they’ll be discussing the merits of underwiring in bras, or something.

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WEBTHUMP! Thursday 7 May 2009

by Stuart Heritage

10 – When famous people paw at their crotches – Whipitout 9 – You know how Oprah Winfrey is trying to lose weight? Yeah, she’s an idiot – Oprah 8 – Great, now that swine flu isn’t as bad as everyone thinks, we can all worry about catching this lot instead – Foreignpolicy 7 – [...]

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Hey, Kirstie Alley Is A Blubbery Gigantobeast Again

by Stuart Heritage

Some say that Kirstie Alley is a thin woman trapped in a fat woman’s body. She isn’t. That description’s way off the mark.

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Oprah Mag Puzzlingly Acknowledges Someone Other Than Oprah

by Toad Jr

Oprah Winfrey is big. We’re not talking physically big here. That’s a given.

We’re talking about an ego so freakin’ enormous that it operates like a gargantuan black hole, physically and spiritually swallowing up everything in sight – man, woman, child, baby back ribs, U.S. First Ladies – you name it.

Well, just when we thought that we understood the awesome light and matter-consuming force that is Oprah, she goes and does something completely uncharacteristic of someone whose personal fortune was not built on prattling on and on about Oprah. Turns out, Oprah has ushered in a brave new world where people other than Oprah are seen on the cover of Oprah’s magazine, O (for Oprah).

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Oprah Winfrey’s Network To Be Startlingly Like MTV

by Stuart Heritage

In a year’s time Oprah Winfrey is getting her own TV network, shortly followed by her own planet.

And then her own army of humanity-destroying clone robots. But until then let’s concentrate on Oprah Winfrey’s network. Nobody knows what the Oprah Winfrey Network will contain – other than non-stop footage of Oprah complaining about her weight – but the hiring of Christina Norman as CEO takes us one step closer.

You see, Christina Norman used to be the president of MTV. And, from that, we can safely assume that the Oprah Winfrey Network will contain no music videos whatsoever.

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Some Guy Lies To Oprah, Resume Breathing Now

by hecklerspray staff

If it’s one thing that totally miffs Oprah, apart from half-eaten anything, it’s insincere jerks that misrepresent themselves on her show. Bastards.

Seems it wasn’t that long ago that the Big O fell victim to the wily and deceitful James Frey, author of A Million Little Pieces. Oprah, as you may recall, quickly came to Frey’s defense upon hearing the news that much of the book had been, er, made up, actually.

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Oprah Winfrey Blames Her Fat Belly On Something Called ‘Food’

by Stuart Heritage

The first week on January is traditionally the week of going to the gym twice and hoping it’ll offset 12 months of compulsive doughnut abuse.

But not if you’re Oprah Winfrey. Oprah Winfrey knows that she’s turned into a lardy old gutbucket lately, and she’s determined to get slim again.

And Oprah Winfrey plans to do this by not abusing food any more. And by ‘abusing’ food, Oprah means ‘keeping it in her cupboard for any longer than she has to before stuffing it into her gob and rolling around the floor snorting like an animal’. We can’t see it working, to be honest.

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Oprah Winfrey Gets To Make Sweary, Boob-Filled HBO Movies

by Stuart Heritage

Oprah Winfrey rules all mediums; television, radio, magazines and – thanks to Screaming Round Lady Go-Go 100% – Japanese anime.

But there’s one medium that Oprah Winfrey hasn’t dabbled in for a while – movies. Sure, she was nominated for an Oscar for The Color Purple, but that was over 20 years ago.

So it’s great to hear that Oprah Winfrey has just signed a deal to make mini-series, movies, documentaries and series. Best of all, she’s making them all for HBO, so she can either copy The Sopranos and be intelligent and groundbreaking or copy Entourage and be annoyingly smug. You know, for a change.

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Yay! Oprah Winfrey’s Fat Again!

by Stuart Heritage

Oprah Winfrey’s power is derived from the fact that, with enough speed behind her, she could dent a caravan quite critically.

So when Oprah Winfrey slimmed down, it hurt her power. “No I won’t read your book recommendations,” America told Oprah in unison, “because how will you punish me? By sitting on my chest? Pah! You won’t even shatter one of my ribs if you do that!” Oprah was doomed.

But fear no more, because Oprah has revealed that she’s fat again! She weighs 200lbs! It just goes to show that money can’t buy you power, but it can buy you lots of sausage rolls.

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