Articles tagged with: Oprah Winfrey
Oprah Winfrey To Stop Patronising You In 2011
After two decades, several free cars and enough weight fluctuation to sculpt a small cellulite army, Oprah is done. Sort of done. Oprah Winfrey is leaving her show. But not until 2011. And then she's going to immediately start a new show somewhere else. But it's still sad news - without Oprah Winfrey around, where will we know which treacly, middle-brow books to read? Where will we discover what people look like after they've had their face torn off by monkeys? Where will we get our fill of needlessly excited women unintentionally screeching bizarre non-sequiturs at a roomful of strangers? Where will we be able to slowly lose the will to live? What? Tyra Banks? Oh, OK.
After two decades, several free cars and enough weight fluctuation to sculpt a small cellulite army, Oprah is done. Sort of done. Oprah Winfrey is leaving her show. But not until 2011. And then she's going to immediately start a new show somewhere else. But it's still sad news - without Oprah Winfrey around, where will we know which treacly, middle-brow books to read? Where will we discover what people look like after they've had their face torn off by monkeys? Where will we get our fill of needlessly excited women unintentionally screeching bizarre non-sequiturs at a roomful of strangers? Where will we be able to slowly lose the will to live? What? Tyra Banks? Oh, OK.
Will There Be A New Twilight Book? Um…
With New Moon being released this week, there's only one question that needs to be asked about the Twilight saga. And that's 'for the love of all that's holy, won't somebody make it stop?' Oh, and also 'now that the saga has become so depressingly popular, will Stephenie Meyer ever write another Twilight book?' That is a question that needs to be asked. It is. It is. Alright, it isn't. But Stephenie Meyer has answered it anyway. So will there be a new Twilight book? Maybe. One day. Unless she thinks of something better to do. Possibly. You're welcome Twilight fans. You're welcome.
With New Moon being released this week, there's only one question that needs to be asked about the Twilight saga. And that's 'for the love of all that's holy, won't somebody make it stop?' Oh, and also 'now that the saga has become so depressingly popular, will Stephenie Meyer ever write another Twilight book?' That is a question that needs to be asked. It is. It is. Alright, it isn't. But Stephenie Meyer has answered it anyway. So will there be a new Twilight book? Maybe. One day. Unless she thinks of something better to do. Possibly. You're welcome Twilight fans. You're welcome.
Oprah Winfrey. Lawsuit. Sky-Based Sexual Intercourse. Ugh.
There are a few no-fail aphrodisiacs in the world. Chocolate, for instance. And the Atta laevigata insect. And Oprah Winfrey. Specifically the sight of Oprah Winfrey knocked out on sleeping medication inside her private jet. We're telling you, whenever we think of Oprah Winfrey's gigantic prostrate torso all unconscious and drooling several thousand feet in the air, we just have to run off and hump something. It's not just us - Corrine Gehrls, a flight attendant on Oprah Winfrey's private jet, was fired for having sex with the pilot while Oprah slept. Except Gehrls is now suing Oprah, claiming it didn't happen. So it is just us. Oh.
There are a few no-fail aphrodisiacs in the world. Chocolate, for instance. And the Atta laevigata insect. And Oprah Winfrey. Specifically the sight of Oprah Winfrey knocked out on sleeping medication inside her private jet. We're telling you, whenever we think of Oprah Winfrey's gigantic prostrate torso all unconscious and drooling several thousand feet in the air, we just have to run off and hump something. It's not just us - Corrine Gehrls, a flight attendant on Oprah Winfrey's private jet, was fired for having sex with the pilot while Oprah slept. Except Gehrls is now suing Oprah, claiming it didn't happen. So it is just us. Oh.
Whitney Houston Details Exactly How Berserk Bobby Brown Was
Whitney Houston got where she is today by following one rule - take so many drugs that you end up looking like wheezy cadaver. Wait, no, that's not right. What we meant to say was that Whitney Houston got popular by following one rule - give the people what they want. And this worked, because in the 1990s people wanted bad films and identical-sounding songs bellowed by idiots. And Whitney Houston still follows this rule. Because Whitney Houston is still giving the people what they want - anecdotes about the time Bobby Brown went mental, spat on her and started drawing evil eyes everywhere. Splendid.
Whitney Houston got where she is today by following one rule - take so many drugs that you end up looking like wheezy cadaver. Wait, no, that's not right. What we meant to say was that Whitney Houston got popular by following one rule - give the people what they want. And this worked, because in the 1990s people wanted bad films and identical-sounding songs bellowed by idiots. And Whitney Houston still follows this rule. Because Whitney Houston is still giving the people what they want - anecdotes about the time Bobby Brown went mental, spat on her and started drawing evil eyes everywhere. Splendid.
Chris Brown Fights Oprah (Not Literally, For Once)
If you were Chris Brown's publicist, your advice to him would be pretty simple at the moment, wouldn't it? You'd tell him to shut up, wouldn't you? You'd tell Chris Brown to shut up and - if he absolutely had to speak in public - to only express his profound remorse for what he did to Rihanna. What's more, you'd spell it out to Chris Brown that under no circumstances should he use a national magazine interview as an excuse to lay into Oprah Winfrey for suggesting that he wasn't very nice. Because, yes, he did that. Chris Brown's publicist must be rubbish.
If you were Chris Brown's publicist, your advice to him would be pretty simple at the moment, wouldn't it? You'd tell him to shut up, wouldn't you? You'd tell Chris Brown to shut up and - if he absolutely had to speak in public - to only express his profound remorse for what he did to Rihanna. What's more, you'd spell it out to Chris Brown that under no circumstances should he use a national magazine interview as an excuse to lay into Oprah Winfrey for suggesting that he wasn't very nice. Because, yes, he did that. Chris Brown's publicist must be rubbish.
The GREATEST Fat People Ever!
Now that it's holiday season, all the famous stars are coming out with their taut, muscular bikini bodies. Some, like Scary Spice, got a little bit carried away, and now she's got Peter Andre's 1990s stomach, which resembles tight latex stretched over two giant packets of Wrigley's Extra. It's a weird look, especially with a set of womanly bosoms looming over the abs. Other famous faces will be surfacing over the coming weeks, oiled and dainty in their trunks and cozzies, so we thought it high time to wobble our appreciative stomachs in the direction of some brilliant famous people who don't seem to care that they are grotesquely fat...
Now that it's holiday season, all the famous stars are coming out with their taut, muscular bikini bodies. Some, like Scary Spice, got a little bit carried away, and now she's got Peter Andre's 1990s stomach, which resembles tight latex stretched over two giant packets of Wrigley's Extra. It's a weird look, especially with a set of womanly bosoms looming over the abs. Other famous faces will be surfacing over the coming weeks, oiled and dainty in their trunks and cozzies, so we thought it high time to wobble our appreciative stomachs in the direction of some brilliant famous people who don't seem to care that they are grotesquely fat...
Susan Boyle Would Rather Do Oprah Than Obama
We apologise to sensitive readers, who may have brought a little bit of acid up when reading that headline. It's true, though. It's been revealed that the beefy Caledonian lady has turned down an invitation to attend a White House party thrown by the new President, while accepting an offer from Oprah Winfrey to appear on her show, alongside Simon Cowell. We're guessing they'll be discussing the merits of underwiring in bras, or something.
We apologise to sensitive readers, who may have brought a little bit of acid up when reading that headline. It's true, though. It's been revealed that the beefy Caledonian lady has turned down an invitation to attend a White House party thrown by the new President, while accepting an offer from Oprah Winfrey to appear on her show, alongside Simon Cowell. We're guessing they'll be discussing the merits of underwiring in bras, or something.
WEBTHUMP! Thursday 7 May 2009
10 - When famous people paw at their crotches - Whipitout 9 - You know how Oprah Winfrey is trying to lose weight? Yeah, she's an idiot - Oprah 8 - Great, now that swine flu isn't as bad as everyone thinks, we can all worry about catching this lot instead - Foreignpolicy 7 - Facial hair in movies: a retrospective - Unreality.
