operation - HecklerSpray

OK, so it’s perfectly clear that Dancing With The Stars is a much more exciting proposition than Strictly Come Dancing.

On Strictly Come Dancing, what have we got? A middle-aged woman from a coffee advert and the woman off The One Show. But on Dancing With The Stars it’s a completely different matter. On Dancing With The Stars, people literally dance until their appendixes explode, and then they carry on dancing anyway.

That’s more or less what happened to Dancing With The Stars professional Julianne Hough, anyway – after being diagnosed with endometriosis last week, she’s having her appendectomy today and hopes to be back dancing within a week, a date that incidentally coincides with the debut of new ABC series Dancing With The Oh God My Stitches Are Coming Undone, Oh God, Oh Jesus No, My Guts Are Seeping Through My Dress. Stay tuned, kids.

Bad news, all unfertilised sperm – the chances of you splattering into one of Naomi Campbell’s ovums has just increased exponentially.

That’s because Naomi Campbell has just recovered from an operation on her baby-making parts that’s allowed her to have children for the first time in her life. And, by God, does Naomi Campbell ever want children – she’s all over the press at the moment basically telling the world that she wants someone to knock her up.

And when Naomi Campbell tell you she wants to get pregnant, you’d better make sure you get her pregnant quicksmart, or else there’ll be trouble. And no looking her in the eye during it. And she’d better not feel it going in, otherwise you’ll be picking shards of Nokia out of your face for the next six months. Understand?

Julianne Hough Is Dancing With The Weeping Appendix Scars

Naomi Campbell Wants Babies! Now! Or Else She’ll Beat You Up!