Every week, Badvertising takes a look into the murky backwaters of advertising as we call out the idiotic decisions of committees and advertising companies who thrust their intellectual vomit down our throats. This week is slightly different as we’re a little worried.

Normally we watch adverts and can identify the fact that the mysterious hand of the ‘Ad Men’ in every second of the video. Usually, their influence is obvious; ear-worms, repetition, hideous sexism designed to cater a product to knuckle-dragging oafs who believe a woman’s place is in the kitchen, hideous sexism designed to cater to pseudo-feminists who believe that every man on earth is a knuckle-dragging oaf who believes a woman’s place is in the kitchen and annoying recurring characters. That sort of thing.

This week, join Dep Ed Michael as he worries that the people from Plenty of Fish might have missed an important factor in their latest ad. Find out what it is over the jump…

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10. Look! Bill Murray is such a dude that he uses the Tube! – SuperBill

9. Stuart The Brand Baggs takes on a cage fighter. You can guess who wins.

8. What if The Beatles were Jawas from Star Wars? – FabForce

7. The New Scientist launches a dating site. No, really. -Nerdgasm

6. Man reports that his drugs have been stolen. Can you guess what happens? – Clink

5. Spot the IT guy! It’s pretty easy if you try – GeekSpot

4. Buy someone a toy of a dog. A dog that has a beak and long birdy legs. – Dogs

3. The Amish shop at Wal-Mart too. – Hoss

2. Lots of very silly reviews on Amazon for you to snicker at. – FishPaste

1. Amazing poster alert! - Snowman

10. Some comedians are spectacularly joyless aren’t they? Here’s a tale of them not laughing at crude phalluses – Cock

9. Vijay Singh does the greatest golf shot ever… ever… EVER! IT TRAVELS ON WATER!

8. This is really rather beautiful. A Japanese girl who can fly. How wonderful – Levitate

7. Elmo goes to NASA! Look! – SesameSpace

6. Do you like the Seventies? Well, some bright spark has set up a Tumblr photoblog dedicated to it. – 70s

5. Ever wondered what Mario would look like as a girl? WONDER NO MORE! – SuperMariette

4. Like grunge, riot grrl and 90s US punk? Editor Mof has made a Spotify playlist just for you! – Grrrr

3. The Daily Mail have been stealing from people. You hate the Daily Mail don’t you? Step this way – Yoink!

2. A shooting star, as seen from above! WHOA! Space is cooool! – Fzzz

1. The Telegraph give tips for students moving to university for the first time, such as ‘pack a trunk for your antiques’. Amazing – NoIdea

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10. Rioting? Pussies. – Purr

9. Sickeningly sweet commercial from WWF

The world is where we live from WWF on Vimeo.

8. Sometime ‘sprayer, Jo Fuertes Knight, talks about the riots. It’s serious with some jokes. – Yoot

7. More looting stuff. This time, someone gets an answer from the man that looks very suspicious indeed. – Holidays

6. Not rioting stuff. Rather, really cool houses. Loads of ‘em! – Wow

5. Again, more stuff relating to riots. This time – and not for the weak hearted – a look at what water cannons can do. Do we really want them? – Blecch

4. A lighter look at the riots… and gawd knows we all need a laugh. – Lootlols

3. More riot related stuff. This time, the Irish Indy decides that single mothers, foreigners and feminists are to blame. Serious. Get your anger on. – Urgh

2. Not riots! Rather, the trailer for the new Boardwalk Empire season. – Watch

1. Even supervillains like looting. Just look at Superman‘s foe! – Cake
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10. Dappy from N Dubz is, astonishingly, the cover star of Total Carp. No. That’s not a typo. This is a magazine about fish and there’s a lovely, lovely shot of the singer holding a massive fish. – Blub

9. Thud.

8. Paul Daniels hospitalised by Sooty launching a pizza at him. This is actual news. – NotALot

7. Students! Sell your kidneys! – Debt

6. Hunter S Thompson writes a lovely, lovely note to someone. Includes threats of physical violence. – Braille

5. Are you one of those people who leaves sarcastic reviews on product websites? You’re in good company – Uhpinions

4. Jon Stewart being funny about The Daily Show getting censored in the UK. Channel 4 won’t be able to show this clip either. – Censor

3. Stella to launch a beer called ‘Wife Beatre‘? – OfCourseNotYouIdiot

2. Lovely photograph of old America… WAIT! WHAT IS THE BLOKE STOOD ON?! – Crivens!

1. Joey Barton‘s recent tweets remind us of something…

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10. MF Doom and Wu Tang’s Ghostface team up for tunes and a tour of the UK?! Yes please! – Supa

9. A really great little animation that does puberty in one minute.

8. Quite simply the most astonishing news story you’ll ever, ever read. – WOW

7. “Action is needed now to prevent nightmarish “Planet Of The Apes” science ever turning from fiction to fact” says actual newspaper with no trace of irony. – Waaargh!

6. Comedians. They’re just not funny are they? – Custard Piety

5. Speaking of custard pies and that whole Murdoch thing, this is The Daily Show tackling the topic (no, it’s a different clip) which Channel 4 don’t seem to be showing us – Watch

4. Accidentally brilliant/troubling ad placement – LookAtThat!

3. Internet bacon versus Real World bacon – Bacon

2. Look. Justin Bieber. And his dad. Together. Semi naked. – Puke

1. Man punches cyclist like a gigantic berk. Gets caught! HURRAY! – Thwack

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10. Stewart Lee has a pop at the Daily Mail regarding Michael McIntyre. He’s very clever dontchaknow? – Words

9. Jetpac balls-up.

8. Get camera. Run away from it. Ace photos. – Click

7. Did you watch the Harry Nilsson documentary last night? Like him but want to hear more? Then Editor Mof made a really cool Spotify playlist – WaaWaaWooWaa

6. Lost your dog? Here’s a peculiar way of identifying him… – Shoshages

5. Picture five on this advert for a converted church is positively unholy! – Dobber

4. Fantastic, but terrifying images of ventriloquists and their dummies – Gottlageer

3. Is this the greatest Simpsons t-shirt ever made? – Marge

2. We want to move to Clockwork City! Because it looks really very stupid indeed! – Crackpot

1. 200 things that the internet has taught us, okay? Don’t worry. It’s a video so you don’t have to read much. – Grace

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10. Owls are stupid. However, their idiocy can make very pretty imprints on windows. There’s a gallery! – TwitTwoo

9. Idiot.

8. Samuel Beckett used to give Andre The Giant lifts in his truck? What? Really? – Amazing

7. A woman is so fat that she finds a kitten inside her. – Maow

6. Amnesty International do funny birthday joke on loads of people. No seriously. It’s a funny, funny video. – Japes

5. A lady cuts off her husband’s dangly bits. Then lobs it down a chute. – Member

4. Morrissey fans searched for meat at gig. Honestly. – MozzaIzzaDick

3. Cool Star Wars trailer thing for computer game whatsit! – Zap

2. Katie Price shows flesh shocker (on twitter) – AmyGrindhouse

1. Smart Debbie Harry interview with those fine folk at The Quietus – FlashIsBack

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10. Jean Claude Van Damme? What? Yep. He’s back. And he’s… *gulp*… funny. – IceCold

9. Vic and Bob are back doing sketches and that!

8. A snake. A snake puking a hippo out of its massive, disgusting mouth. No, seriously. Watch the video. – Boke

7. News International are rightly taking a bit of a pounding at the minute… but in fairness, they don’t make it easy on themselves, even when they’re crowing about how great they are. – UFO

6. Reece Shearsmith of Psychoville and League of Gentlemen fame has started up his own Tumblr, which is just great news. -SilentDancer

5. Margaret is coming back to The Apprentice! – BladdyHell

4. Oh God. Paris Hilton has her tongue down someone’s throat again. – AmyGrindhouse

3. Editor Mof used to run a clubnight. Some of the terrible podcasts he was involved in are being put online like rubbish repeats. – Tuuuune

2. Noel says Liam nearly took his face off with a guitar before the whole Oasis split thing. It’s tough to pick sides, huh? – Maaaaybbeeeeh

1. Brian Sewell attacks Coronation Street for being too gay. – Eh?

10. Ever wondered what the girls of Babestation talk about to callers? You wouldn’t believe how mind-numbingly dull it is – Zactly

9. Chances are, you’ve seen Masterchef going all rave… but if you haven’t…

8. American news reporter seen smoking while covering a story about a massive fire. – HE DID IT

7. Fantastic look at the idiotic dribblings that professional footballers do on twitter. Titus Bramble’s ‘Thought For The Day’ is particularly spectacular. – Thick

6. Woman wakes up at own funeral. Dies again with shock. – Coffin

5. What happens when you set up a fake Facebook page with the mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s secret love child? You might be surprised. – HastaLaVistaBaby

4. Brilliant advert for slacks. The best you’ll see all day! – HeadsUp

3. What’s all this about Christina Hendricks and swimsuits then? – PoppingOut

2. Ever wondered what a tube of toothpaste looks like when you hack it in two? – OhISee

1. Absolutely amazing local newspaper headline involving a pork chop. – Choke

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10. Wu-Tang on a pizza? – millwallant on yFrog

9. Chris Lilley knows how to take negative critique of his new show, Angry Boys. It’s probably rubbish- that’s about the most we can muster.

8. Who doesn’t want to go for a virtual tour of pretty much every ghost town in the Western United States? Exactly. No-one. – Ghost Town Gallery

7. The level of professionalism on BBC Scotland is astounding. Here’s Catriona Shearer getting caught out by those pesky Nazis. – Gawker

6. Megan Fox got sacked from Transformers for saying that Michael Bay was like Hitler. Perhaps she should have merely suggested that he was an awful director. – Amy Grindhouse

5. If anyone was in any doubt as to what was getting violated after the reception. – Thought Catalog

4. Well now everybody’s heard about the Brid – Bitter Wallet

3. There’s a Burrito craze that’s sweeping Glasgow (it’s in Scotland) at the moment. Everyone’s talking about Mexican food in hugely pejorative terms and- of course- making loads of knob jokes into the bargain. – Glasgow Mega Burrito

2. The Muppets are back and we’d be lying if we said we weren’t excited at the prospect. –  Muppets Studio on Youtube

1. Vital information that absolutely everyone needs. An exhaustive list of My Little Pony characters. Remember- someone spent time on this. – Wikipedia

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10. Limp Bizkit are, astonishingly, still making records. Check out this woeful album sleeve – OhGodItReallyIsAwful

9. Gary Wright will be supporting Ringo Starr on his new tour, which is a perfect excuse to share this…

8. The Onion are bang-on once again as they savage muso bastards – Maaaan

7. A hilarious look at rave culture from a Christian slant. May not be wholly sincere. – GodIsADJ

6. The. Best. Shop. Window. Advert. You. Will. Ever. Read. – PoseForArt

5. Really, really bad day in the office. – OOF!

4. Stills from a LeAnn Rimes sex tape? – Urgh

3. An art exhibition featuring lost artwork. – ThatsAGoodIdea

2. A research paper which argues that, if you are homophobic, you probably fancy the gays – FancyThat

1. The brilliant and recently recovered from cancer Danny Baker stars in the Word podcast – HURRAY

Ryan Giggs may have won just about everything a footballer can win at club level, but really, what he most excels in is How To Balls Up A Brilliant Career By Completely Mismanaging A Scandal Surrounding Your Sex Life Forever And Ever.

So badly has Giggs played the whole injunction/Imogen Thomas thing, is that he’s now the new Barbra Streisand Effect, with everyone tittering at him for being such a colossal berk.

And weirdly, while no-one is actually supposed to be talking about him, thanks to the injunction still being in place, Imogen Thomas is apparently set to star in a musical about her affair with him, which surely contravenes all manner of laws. Still, at least Giggs isn’t trying to buy people’s silence again… wait? WHAT? AGAIN?

That’s right! It has been reported that Ryan Giggs is now offering his brother £250,000 so he doesn’t speak to the press about the fact his wife has been shagging him.

If you missed it, Gigg’s brother Rhodri had to pick his jaw off the floor when his wife, Natasha, sold her story to The News Of The World saying that she’d been having an affair with the Manchester United player for eight years! Hilariously, someone else reported that Ryan also tried it on with Natasha’s mother too!

And so, for £250,000, Rhodri has been asked to keep his mouth shut.

The poor shit has enough to deal with as it is now rumoured that Natasha has slept with at least three other Manchester United players.

Of course, this has left Ryan Giggs weighing up retirement, leaving his last game in a Manchester United shirt being the European Cup Final, where everyone looked at Giggs and thought ‘you tool, well done for disrupting your team’, before Barcelona handed their arses to them in a high hat.

A club source said:

“Concerns are growing. Sir Alex is willing to cut Ryan some slack and give him extra days off to clear his head.”

It’s emptying his head that got him in this mess in the first place.

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10. Hark! The drunkest man in the universe walks home and we all get to laugh at him in a video – Hammered

9. I HOPE YOU LIKE PAIN! (Oldie, but goodie)

8. A wedding, fighting, Scottish people and skid marks on the bride’s frock. What’s not to like? – OchAyeTheNews

7. Dictator biscuits anyone? – BobMortimer

6. Captain America… bald? – Superhero

5. Roy Skelton, the voice of Zippy from Rainbow, and not to mention the voice of the Daleks, is dead. Here’s a cool interview with him – ZippedShut

4. Awesome people hanging out together – Awesome people hanging out together

3. Great football blog with laughs and something approaching proper insight. – scheidtcast

2. Stewart Lee talks about his favourite albums. – JazzIsLikeStandUp

1. Audio of abusive cinema customers? You betcha! – ExcuseMe

If the rumours about Ryan Giggs are true, then he’s a class act. For years, he appeared to be the model professional footballer, quietly going about his business and winning more trophies than is decent.

However, everyone (apart from sallow Man United fans) has forgotten all about that as his erect member appears to be the one firmly in the spotlight now. In fairness, it is shocking that a wealthy person misbehaves in their private life.

Hilariously though, the newest rumour (the previous one still has an injunction on it so we’ve no idea whether we can mention his reported sexual relations with Imogen Thomas or not… oh…) is better than the last as his sister in law is claiming that he’s been having it away with her, as well as a third woman. Morals aside, he’s not doing too badly for a man who looks like a hairy testicle merged with a wingnut in some horrible genetic splicing accident is he?

So, here’s the tittle and the tattle. Natasha Giggs, who is married to the footballer’s brother Rhodri, recently admitted that she had been getting her leg over with Ryan for the last eight years. Eight years! Zoinks!

And now, she’s saying that an anonymous woman has got in touch with her claiming that she was being wooed by Giggs at the same time as he was ALLEGEDLY putting things inside her and Imogen Thomas.

A source, who has probably met no-one relating to this story, says:

“Natasha got a call last week from a mystery woman saying she had been sleeping with Ryan. After the Imogen revelations it was too much. She thought she and Ryan had something special, only to find out she was just another girl.

“But now it’s dawning on her what she has done. She’s destroyed her marriage and her life is in ruins.”

The insider continued, despite having absolutely no authority on the subject:

“Natasha’s lost Rhodri and Ryan and feels very alone. She’s scared to show her face in Manchester. She made an emotional phone call to her mum on Sunday night, they were both upset and had a long talk. Nobody knows what the future holds, but it’s not looking pretty at the moment.”

This will be a kick in the teeth… well, more like a two-footed, studs-up lunge… for Ryan’s wife Stacey who had decided to forgive him for the Imogen Thomas thing. However, having it off with someone in the family is unforgivable right?

“Stacey decided to forgive Ryan after the Imogen claims because she thought he was entitled to make a mistake. But the whole Natasha thing is a completely different matter. Her family are saying she should kick Ryan out once and for all.”

It would appear that Giggs is looking at a life meeting his children on park benches, smelling of Breaker lager and dog-ends of Lambert and Butler cigarettes he’s found on the floor, crying at his forlorn offspring while they tug at his yellowing beard.

It’d make a great black-comedy. Someone write it because we can’t be arsed.

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