Christmas games are usually a crock of old poo, rehashing already boring games into something with snowflakes and stupid reindeer.

However, Mountain Maniac Xmas is one of the few re-edits that makes a whole bunch of sense! See, Santa must get pissed-off with Christmas like the rest of us, so take ol’ Mr Claus and help him to absolutely trash everything in sight with his hammer.

Kill owls, penguins, reindeer, people driving cars and explode gingerbread houses and trains carrying toys. Lovely!

Click here to play Mountain Maniac Xmas

Too many online games treat you like a) You’ve got endless hours to play them and b) that your computer is so up-to-speed that it can handle super-duper graphics. The reality is, people tend to mess around online for a quick fix and have computers that overheat during the most simple of technological tasks.

So then, you’ll be thrilled to learn that there’s a whole bunch of insultingly simple games out there to idle away some minutes if you’re bored.

One such game is Pacmafight! No, it doesn’t make much sense to us either. However, it’s a basic platform game with ace ’90s sounding music and FX. Basically, you’re a little ninja fella who has to navigate levels for no reason. Sod the back story.

Play Pacmafight here

Robot Unicorn Attack is one of the big successes of the past 12 months, inadvertently reviving an old Erasure track and stamping a seal of approval on (seemingly) everyone’s fondness for unicorns.

Now, we’ve got Robot Unicorn Heavy Metal to play online as well, serving as a sneaky reminder of the fact that there’s going to be a new version out just in time for Christmas, soundtracked by that stupid Yule song by The Darkness.

Anyway, if you love Robot Unicorn Attack but are sick of playing the old one, click the link below to see your unicorn tackling a very different world to the last, only this time, soundtracked by some hairspray metal band. We can’t be bothered checking.

Click here to play Robot Unicorn Attack Heavy Metal

A lot of online games get super hung-up on trying to look really great, often at the expense of that most important of things – being fun to play. How many times have you seen a cool looking motorbike game, only to find out it’s as clunky as a first date?

Well, there’s none of that with Supermax. Supermax is so basic that it almost has a charming ZX Spectrum quality about it.

You take the role of some bald guy trying to escape from prison and basically, the only thing to do is avoid the gaze and guns of the patrol. Insultingly easy to figure out… not so easy to whip through the levels. Lovely stuff.

Click here to play Supermax

Is pole dancing really demeaning and sexist? Is it a feminist thing that strikes a blow for independent women who want to fleece stupid men for their money? Do you even care? Are you even reading these words or are you now completely distracted by the thought of jiggling bosoms in your mind?

That’s a lot of questions to throw at you, so, on a pole dancing theme, why don’t you sidestep balding travelling salesmen getting delayed, sexual gratification by storing dancing women in their wank-bank for later and have all the fun of erotic dancing with Pole Dance Party 2?

Basically, it’s like those old dancing games. Only with tits.

Play Pole Dance Party 2

XBox Kinect

If you are on a laptop, look away now. Why? Because Steam Droid is one of those games that will really irritate you by making direct your character with your right hand and aim your gun with the touchpad with your left. If you’re anything like hecklerspray, this makes it nigh on impossible to do the simplest of gaming tasks.

However, if you are brainy enough to do two simple things at the same time, and preferably on a desktop computer, then Steam Droid is a really fun little skive.

You control a cute little robot and basically, you jump around shooting everything in sight and saving your little buddies who have been enslaved for one reason or another. We don’t care. We never read the stories and intros to games because they’re always boring.

Click here to play Steam Droid

It’s Friday, so really, you should be aiming to do as little work as possible. You’ve probably already got your eye on a pint of nut-brown ale or generally having your feet up for a couple of days (unless you have children, which means you’ll never get any rest ever again).

You shouldn’t wait ’til 5pm to slack-off work. Start your skiving right now with a game called Visible III.

It’s incredibly easy to play and fiendishly addictive. You’re some chap who needs to do something really important and spikes and things that blow up get in your way. You have to use the reflection on the ground to see hidden platforms and traps. It’s mondo fun!

Click here to play Visible III

Farming? That’s boring isn’t it? Inbred folk with one ear between them all mucky finger nailed and up to their chins in silage! That’s what farming is, right? Not if you’re a drug dealer. Drug dealing is much more glamorous.

And, according to Hemp Tycoon, cute. That’s right. Growing huge plants of skunk never seems to sweet as a hemp leaf with a face on grows drugs in his attic before moving onto the lawn, then to fields… and you get the idea.

It’s a game that, should you get into it, will take up hours of your life. You can save it and move on should you start acting like an actual stoner, all pale and stinking without proper sleep for days on end.You can mute the endless loop of cod-reggae as well, which is a boon. Keep it open in a separate window and get your skive on in the office.

Click here to play Hemp Tycoon.

Most online games are incredibly easy to work out as they’re based on things you’ve already played. There’s beat ‘em ups, shoot ‘em ups, sports games, puzzle games… and the list goes on and on.

However, sometimes, you’ll find an online game that’s absolutely mystifying. A type of game that just doesn’t exist anywhere else because it’s so peculiar. And here we have Falling Sand Game. An incredibly boring name, sure. Rubbish graphics too? Yep.

It’s hard to pinpoint why, but this thing is astonishingly addictive. You click on things and set fire to environments you have just created while a big spiky ball charges around. You’ll hopelessly poke at it for 2 minutes before realising that you’re already hooked. Weird.

Click here to play it

It must be quite tricky coming up with ideas for new games. There’s so many of them knocking around that there can’t be much in the way of new ideas. So when originality isn’t an option, go for something weird.

And Gibbets 2, while being the archetypal Aim And Shoot game of angles, there’s something rather unnerving about it. Basically, it seems like a load of people have been lynched in the deep south of America. We say that because these poor buggers have been left hanging to a vaguely country soundtrack.

All you have to do is get your eye in and shoot the nooses with your arrows. Or, if you’re feeling sadistic, see how many arrows you can get into each little character before they die. It’s a simple and addictive game.

Click here to play Gibbets 2

There’s a lot of retro-games out there which look to recreate the experience of old arcade machines and 8bit consoles.

However, what most of these modern takes fail to remember is that many of the old games were utterly baffling and filled with badly translated English. Sometimes, you could persist in playing an old game for days at a time before you ever actually started to realise what was going on.

And so, aiming for that confusing mixture of broken English and gameplay that throws you in without explaining what the shit is going on, you should turn your attention to Turbo Turbo Turbo which sees you driving a car, getting drunk in a wobbly bar and being perved over by a man who breaks one of your thumbs.

Click here to play Turbo Turbo Turbo

Puzzle and logistics games are usually very dry affairs. Think of Columns and Tetris. They were functional and hugely addictive. Puzzle Bobble/Bust-a-Move meanwhile, livened things up with little dragons that puked up into your slingshot.

Continuing in this fashion – sorta – is Wine Pong, which takes a very simple game and tarts it up with some sleazy music and a bunch of people who look like they might hang around with Paris Hilton (thereby, giving you your motivation to beat them).

Essentially, you’re at a table with a ping pong ball and you’ve got to throw it into some wine glasses up the other end. This is the kind of game that, if it hasn’t already, could easily transfer into real life, seeing you lobbing tennis balls at your mate’s pints over the weekend. Expect to be barred from your local.

Play Wine Pong, here.

Skiving in the office is not to be underestimated. There’s a million ways of doing it. Offering to make the entire office cups of tea every 10 minutes is a good way of doing no work. Prolonged toilet breaks, with the addition of clutching your stomach when you leave the traps, to imply that it is better to not ask why you’ve been in there all day.

If you can’t be bothered hanging around stinking used tea-bags and the scent of urinal cakes, then pissing about online is the way forward.

One game that should get the hooks into your and make those working hours vanish into the ether is Bloxorz. It’s a puzzle game, so there’s very little you can write about it. Suffice to say, you need to get a moving lump of stone into a hole. Sounds easy. It isn’t.

SLACKERJACK! Play Bloxorz here

The world seems to be obsessed with the undead lately. Vampires are littering our big and small screens, everyone is game for a zombie or two and, of course, we have a Tory prime minister. Oh! Let’s not forget that Amanda Holden continually gets TV work as well!

It’s with the zombified that we focus on, and a game called Big Pixel Zombie. The game is frighteningly easy to get to grips with. Basically, your little cube headed dunce walks around a world that looks like a children’s toy bucket gone bad with a gun and shoots everything in sight.

Easy peasy. The zombies themselves are blithering idiots who want your brains, and all you have to do is point your cursor at them and button bash until there are none left. Maximum skiving is in the offing with this.

Click here to play Big Pixel Zombies

Yetis punching you in your emo little face? Buses trying to run you over while cannons try and shoot you with giant snowflakes? Sounds like an action packed game doesn’t it?

Well it isn’t.

What we have in Saunavihta Yetis is a rather gentle puzzle game where we see a shivering little character trying to get into a sauna to warm up (in an admittedly warm looking environment). See, our guy is colder than an Inuit’s condom drawer and can’t be bothered to simply walk to the bubbling pit of warmth. This means you have to click on your surroundings to make things disappear and work out how to fling him through the air to his chosen destination. Deceptively tricky in places.

Click here to play Saunavihta Yetis