one direction - HecklerSpray

HecklerSpray Advent Day 12: Big Year For the Guys of One Direction

December 12th, 2017 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

When I heard that One Direction was splitting up so they could all work on their solo projects, all I could think was “lol k, because we all know how well that went for every guy from a boy band other than Justin Timberlake.” But those handsome bastards ALL proved me wrong!

In 2017, you could not turn on pop radio without hearing one of the guys from One Direction and they ALL had hits! I reeeealllly just thought it was going to be Zayn Malik because he left the group first, but boy was I wrong!

Shocker: A Kid From 1D Was Able to Steal Ed Sheeran’s Girl

September 10th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Ed Sheeran: Voice of an angel, face of a hobbit, but still somehow able to briefly bag mega babe, Ellie Goulding. In case you missed it, as it was so short lived, last year, Ed Sheeran and Ellie Goulding were momentarily a very talented couple. However, it quickly ended and people began to speculate that it was because she cheated on him with one his pals from teen dream super group, One Direction.

Now, when I first heard about this I thought “No way. No way would a woman cheat on a lovable little pudgy ginger like Ed with an insanely sexy teen from One Direction who makes even grown ass women like myself melt. Impossible.” In case things are getting lost in internet translation: I’m being sarcastic.

Harry Styles Might Be Awkwardly Banging Kendall Jenner

December 9th, 2013 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West need to watch the fuck out, because there is a new hottest couple in the Kardashian household: Kendall Jenner and Harry Styles. I was reluctant to write about these two until it seemed legit,?and now?after three sitings together (one leaving a hotel in the AM) it’s become clear that these two teenage dreams are rubbing on each other.

It all started a few weeks ago when the above picture was taken of these two sexy teens in a car after having dinner together. Afterwards, when Piers Morgan asked Styles if he was dating Jenner he said “We just went to dinner so no? I don’t know?” Yep, that sounds like awkward teen love to me!

Hot But Safe Robot Sex With Daft Punk Condoms

July 12th, 2013 By Chris Chambers

Not content with just fancy action figures in their likeness,?Daft Punk has partnered with condom-maker, Durex, to produce shiny, metallic-flavored?rubbers that play selected arrangements from the Tron: Legacy soundtrack when you ejaculate. Like Tooth Tunes for the sexually active.

Actually, that’s not true. They’re just regular old?condoms, but the?packets?feature the cover artwork from their irritatingly catchy single “Get Lucky.”?And while the phrase?”get lucky” has a quaint, 1950’s schoolboy-copping-a-feel?charm to it, I think a better choice would have?been to name the condoms?after their 2007 single?”Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.”

Pretending To Date Harry Styles Is The New Black

April 30th, 2013 By Rhiannon Davies

Harry Style’s recent lunch date with Kimberly Stewart was apparently just one big show for the cameras. How could anyone be so cynical as to think that the love between a floppy-haired 19 year old and a 33 year old mother-slash-socialite couldn’t be real??

Oh that’s right. Because he’s already ‘dated’ Taylor Swift to rack up more column inches, and once you’ve bitten that bullet, what else is there to do but head down the ol’ washed up socialite route? He’ll be on to Paris Hilton if we’re not careful, and that level of media-whoring may actually break the internet. Not to mention the very real danger that ?Paris could become ‘inspired’ by the One Direction singer and release a second album.?

Harry Styles Isn’t The Only One Direction Member Who Sleeps Around

January 30th, 2013 By Chris Starr

You may be forgiven for thinking that One Direction is literally a one-man band. “Harry Styles this, Harry Styles that” seems to be all that we hear in newspapers daily. And yes, we know about Harry’s activity between the sheets. We’ve had the long list of girlfriends that have become little more than notches in his bedpost. But did you know that he’s not the only one to be getting up to that kind of behavior in the band?!

That’s right. Come on down, Zayn Malik!

Celibate Taylor Swift and Horny Harry Styles Break Up

January 11th, 2013 By Chris Starr

Taylor Swift fans can rejoice now that the pop songstress has more material to craft award-winning songs following her breakup from Harry Styles. Similarly, starry-eyed One Direction fans can once again hold out hope that they will – implausibly – be able to hook up with Harry.

Of course, the rationale behind the breakup is obvious to even the least meticulous observer: Harry Styles has been busy getting his end away with women around the world (often older than he is), while Taylor Swift’s so pretty perfect that she probably doesn’t give it up that easily.

One Direction vs. The Wanted – Who’s Better?

March 23rd, 2013 By Ross Semple

If you have a Twitter account – or any access to the internet – you\’ll know that there's a nasty fight going on between One Direction and The Wanted. More specifically, between Zayn Malik and The Wanted. Other than throwing some amazing digs at one another (?chlamydia boy?, anyone?), the fight seems to revolve around the issue of which group is ?better?.?

Look, there’s only two says to settle this. Either the two groups get their dicks out and measure, or I decide which is better based on a variety of all-important categories. I'm going to go for the latter, as the former requires way too much work. Plus, I don't have a tape measure handy.?

Poor Taylor Swift Attacked By Dangerous Harry Styles Fans

November 21st, 2012 By Chris Starr

We’ve been quite unfair on Taylor Swift as a society. We see her ploughing through men willy nilly (often willy, less nilly) and think that she is a harlot. We see her scaring off the Kennedy family by appearing at their family wedding and upstaging everyone, and think that she is insane.

But now the tables have turned. She’s the one being targeted by insane people, and she’s the victim. If we’re going to insult her for her past crazy indiscretions, we need to now help her out that crazy people are gunning for her.

Justin Bieber Vs. One Direction: Teen Pop Death Match

September 20th, 2012 By Tony McMillen

In the long tradition of monster mash-ups, Dracula versus Frankenstein, Aliens versus Predators, Katy Perry versus Lady Gaga, I submit the following battle royale for the very soul of teendom: Biebs Vs. One Direction. You may be asking how are we doing this exactly? Are we talking an actual physical brawl? A comparison of (cough) musicality? Or just strange, arbitrary, abstract notions that make one prepackaged, soulless, utterly contrived, and tuneless act better than the other?

Fret not, I will be applying none of these methods in determining which one of these paragons of pop music is the victor. Instead I will be utilizing the ancient art of half remembered Nintendo role playing games and their battle point systems.