If Mel Gibson has proved anything, it’s that you’re never more famous than when you’re being racially insensitive.
And don’t think that Oliver Stone hasn’t noticed. He’s been watching Mel’s rising profile with jealous eyes, waiting for an opportunity to leap in and blurt out a regrettable statement of his own. But which group could Oliver Stone target? Gibson’s already claimed blacks and Mexicans, so not them. And not Islamic fundamentalists either. He’s not mental, after all. So who does that leave? Scandinavians? Confucianists? Jews?
Ah, yes. Jews. Perfect. So, to cut a long story short, Oliver Stone has decided to use an interview to say that Jewish people didn’t really do that badly in World War II compared to the Russians. Aaaaand commence moral outrage.
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Who’s looking forward to Wall Street 2, huh? It’s going to be just like Wall Street, but Shia LaBeouf’s in it.
Anybody? Anybody looking forward to it? No? Well stuff you all, then, because the first trailer for Wall Street 2 – which has now officially been given the dunder-headed title Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps – has hit the internet. Yes, you’re right to be excited. Or interested. Or utterly apathetic. Or whatever it is you are.
Want to see the Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps trailer? Then you’d better read on. And if the chaotic mixture of sounds and images is too much for your brain to comprehend, we’re also going to analyse the arse off it. For you…
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Look, it’s a quiet day. The nearest thing to news that’s happened recently is some Venezuelan bloke going to see a film.
So let’s try to pad that out into a story. Of course, it helps that the Venezuelan bloke was Hugo Chavez. And the film he went to see was a movie about himself. And it was directed by Oliver Stone. And he went to see it a red carpet premiere at the Venice Film Festival. And his presence alone gave everyone who’s ever worked for Fox News a debilitating aneurism.
But let’s pad that out into a story.
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This week’s enjoyment and annoyance.
Folded:
- Online teaser for Oliver Stone’s George Bush biopic W (mock the man)
- The Bowen Identity (even piss poor Photoshop skills can make you funny)
- Hellboy 2: The Golden Army (seen it, and it’s pretty good)
- David McCallum (if you’ve played GTA IV and heard the track The Edge, you’ll know why Dre immortalised it and why McCallum is such a fusion legend. Yes, he also done some acting too)
- WALL-E (look at his little face, how could you not love Wall-E?)
Creased:
- Topman gift cards (they might look all black and trendy, but you can’t see how much you have left to spend! Bring back paper vouchers)
- Sasha: Beauty Queen at Eleven (this girl’s mum should be chopped up and fed to hungry pitbulls. The dad too for letting this spectacle happen right under his nose)
- The hard-to-penetrate world of Metal Gear Solid 4 (don’t misunderstand us, this is a great game: great graphics, sound, presentation – it’s just completely incomprehensible unless you know the Metal Gear mythology inside out)
- More fake tan woes (Jesus, girls, take it off! You smell like Digestives in this heat)
- Playing GRID online (and the barrage of insults from French people that comes with it)
Oliver Stone sure does love making movies about presidents. Well, presidents and ancient Greek kings. And fat singers.
But let's concentrate on the president bit for the time being, because Oliver Stone says that he's got a script written about George Bush, and he's itching to get it turned into a movie before Bush stops being president.
Stone's film is thought to hinge on some of the most difficult decisions George Bush ever had to make, primarily the seminal three-day deliberation on whether pretzels go down your food hole or your air hole. History has already taught us his findings on that matter.
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If Mel Gibson has proved anything, it’s that you’re never more famous than when you’re being racially insensitive.
