OfCom, the protector of modern decency and punisher of all who swear at Manuel from Fawlty Towers, have ruled that ITV were breaking the rules when they let Tulisa waggle her arm at the cameras.
And not in a Rebel Without a Cause, sexy, doing it with the lights on, leaving the lid off the margarine and swearing at the Pope kind of rule-breaking way, oh no.
They were breaking broadcasting rules, which are as old and fierce as time itself. Unless you’re Ricky Gervais, and you want to insult disabled people, obviously.
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Since Frankie Boyle left the BBC, he’s been sulking. He’s decided that the BBC squashed his right to free speech and, of course, freedom of speech essentially means making the most offensive jokes you can think of. A bit like a teenager chuckling over the word ‘rape’.
This has left Boyle in the unique position of being a Post Modern Jim Davidson. He doesn’t mean it maaaaan, it’s all in the name of his art, okay? His show, Tramadol Nights, has seen Muslim women being hung, jokes about mental illnesses and one that has got him in hot water with Katie Price.
Boyle made a joke about Price’s disabled son and now Ofcom will be going after him, probably leaving Boyle to see himself as some lone gunman in the West, staunchly defending something on behalf of comedy itself. Read More >>>
As everyone knows, catching a puffin with a net, pulling its still-warm heart of of its body and eating it is one of the most erotic things a person can do.
Just look at Gordon Ramsay. Not so long ago Gordon Ramsay ate a puffin’s heart on his TV show The F Word just to show what a triumphant lord of sex he really is. But, would you believe it, 42 people found the sight of Gordon Ramsay chewing on the just-dead heart of a beloved seabird offensive enough to complain about.
Fortunately, though, Ofcom has decided that Gordon Ramsay didn’t break any rules and is free to film himself gorging on raw blood-splattered puffin organs as much as he likes. That’s lucky for Gordon Ramsay, because it’s easy food for him – every year millions of migrating puffins have found welcome shelter from bad weather within the deep crevices of his angry face.
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The thing that sets EastEnders apart from all the other British soaps is how gritty and realistic it is compared to everything else.
After all, anyone who's ever been to the east end of London knows that every five or six weeks a gang of unconvincing, slightly-too-theatrical thugs burst into the local pub for no real reason and kick a pregnant woman over.
That exact thing happened on EastEnders not so long ago, and now Ofcom has criticised the episode. Not because of the unusual and irresponsible level of pre-watershed violence, though – but because it was honestly the single most rubbish thing to appear on television in the last 12 months, other than the failed BBC2 pilot Look! Adrian Chiles In A Bikini! And because of the violence too, actually. A bit.
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We're a bunch of inventors here at hecklerspray, you know.
It's just a goshdarn crying shame that the UK Patent Office has yet to realise our genius. Okay, okay… so we never actually tested that time machine made of potatoes. And, sure, that teleportation system that runs entirely on warthog urine is only hypothetical. But – seriously – give us a break, guys. Do you think medicines are tested out before they're released? Maybe on, like, animals or something? Yeah, right – give us a call when the spaceship lands, you nutters.
This whole invention malarkey is good for one thing, though – it's gone and given us another reason to hate omnipresent TV chef Jamie Oliver.
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We're a bunch of inventors here at hecklerspray, you know.
It's just a goshdarn crying shame that the UK Patent Office has yet to realise our genius. Okay, okay... so we never actually tested that time machine made of potatoes. And, sure, that teleportation system that runs entirely on warthog urine is only hypothetical. But - seriously - give us a break, guys. Do you think medicines are tested out before they're released? Maybe on, like, animals or something? Yeah, right - give us a call when the spaceship lands, you nutters.
This whole invention malarkey is good for one thing, though - it's gone and given us another reason to hate omnipresent TV chef Jamie Oliver.
