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Octomom

Hey, Even Octomom Nadya Suleman Thinks She’s Nuts Now

by Stuart Heritage

As a mother of 14 constantly-pooing children, Nadya Suleman should have a lot on her hands right now.

Like, you know, looking after them. Or, at a push, being so cripplingly calcium-depleted that her entire skeleton would probably disintegrate in on itself the moment she starts to lactate. But no, because Nadya Suleman has found the one TV she hasn’t yet appeared on – Dr Phil – and appeared on it.

And on Dr Phil Nadya Suleman claimed that she was being irrational when she decided to have those last eight kids. She’s irrational? Quick, someone pass her that porn contract!

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Octomom Nadya Suleman Is Literally Nuts: Official (Sort Of)

by Stuart Heritage

Stop the press – apparently Nadya Suleman, the woman famous for having eight whole human babies at once, is nuts.

We know! That was the last thing we expected too! To look at Octomom Nadya Suleman, with her 14 kids and unsigned porno contract and flap of loose abdominal skin that could feasibly be stretched out, nailed to a fence and used as an industrial-sized animal trampoline, you’d think she was the perfect picture of psychiatric normality.

But no. Nadya Suleman’s publicist has just decided to quit, on the basis that his client is ‘nuts’. Denise Richards’ publicist, we hope you’re taking notes.

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Sorry Perverts, No Octomom Nadya Suleman Porn For You

by Stuart Heritage

At first it sounded like the best idea ever – Octomom Nadya Suleman being filmed shagging eight men at once.

Wait, did we say best? We meant most eye-clawingly gruesome. Honestly, watching a single mother get gangbanged by eight blokes just so she can feed her family would have to be at the bottom of everyone’s must-see porn list, right after 2 Girls 1 Cup and anything starring Jodie Marsh.

However, Nadya Suleman has reportedly turned down the $1 million porn contract she was offered, which means we’ll never get to see the thing we never wanted to see. It’s weirdly disappointing, isn’t it?

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Octomom Nadya Suleman Asked To Do A Big Load Of Porn

by Stuart Heritage

If you’re a fan of very very very very very VERY very specialist niche pornography, then you’d do well to read on.

But only if you’re sure. We haven’t really been following the story of Octomom Nadya Suleman very closely – because, oh, whoopy-doo, a woman gave birth to an octopus, big deal – but that changes right this instant, because Vivid Entertainment has offered Nadya Suleman $1 million to star in a porn film.

Which is obviously disgusting – but, on the other hand, if the co-star was that pregnant bloke from last year, we’re in. We never really liked our libido anyway.

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