Octomom Nadya Suleman - HecklerSpray

Octomom’s Gazillion Kids Get Doctor In Trouble

January 6th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Following the Gosselin implosion, you may have wondered where all your Irresponsibly Gigantic Family news would come from.

Well, good news! Octomom is here again! Now, true, Octomom might lack Kate Gosselin‘s barmy hair, or Jon Gosselin‘s barmy hair or the Duggar family‘s crackpot religious beliefs, but she does have one thing – approximately 19 billion children. And presumably chronic exhaustion. And presumably a massive flap of loose, veiny skin dangling from her abdomen that looks like Hagrid‘s gigantic, billowing nutsack.

But let’s focus on the kid thing for now. Octomom has, in fact, got so many children that her fertility doctor has been accused of gross negligence and could lose his medical license as a result. So that’s fun.

Stupid Court Spoils Octomom’s Brilliant Child-Exploiting Plans

July 28th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Like Jon and Kate Plus 8? Think there are too many men and too few kids in it? Then thank heavens for Octomom!

She’s got her own show! On September 1, Octomom Nadya Suleman will begin shooting a new reality show along with her adorable child infestation. What format will the Octomom reality show take? We’re not sure, but we hear that the shortlist involves either training the children to sweep chimneys or using them to clear minefields.

Or it would, if only a judge hadn’t just ordered a lawyer to ensure that Nadya Suleman doesn’t exploit the kids. Stupid judge. Grr.

Octomom Nadya Suleman Takes Some Kids Home Or Something

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Remember Nadya Suleman, the would-be pornstar and chronic Angelina Jolie fetishist who’s all over the news?

It turns out she’s had some babies. That’s pretty shoddy timing if you ask us. How on Earth is Nadya Suleman going to juggle motherhood with her very obvious quest of being on all the television shows, magazines, newspapers and websites in the world simultaneously forever? It’s a letdown.

And, worse still, some of the children that Nadya Suleman had now live with her. You might not think that’s news, by the way, but helicopters were filming it so technically it is. So there.

Hey, Even Octomom Nadya Suleman Thinks She’s Nuts Now

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

As a mother of 14 constantly-pooing children, Nadya Suleman should have a lot on her hands right now.

Like, you know, looking after them. Or, at a push, being so cripplingly calcium-depleted that her entire skeleton would probably disintegrate in on itself the moment she starts to lactate. But no, because Nadya Suleman has found the one TV she hasn’t yet appeared on – Dr Phil – and appeared on it.

And on Dr Phil Nadya Suleman claimed that she was being irrational when she decided to have those last eight kids. She’s irrational? Quick, someone pass her that porn contract!

Octomom Nadya Suleman Is Literally Nuts: Official (Sort Of)

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Stop the press – apparently Nadya Suleman, the woman famous for having eight whole human babies at once, is nuts.

We know! That was the last thing we expected too! To look at Octomom Nadya Suleman, with her 14 kids and unsigned porno contract and flap of loose abdominal skin that could feasibly be stretched out, nailed to a fence and used as an industrial-sized animal trampoline, you’d think she was the perfect picture of psychiatric normality.

But no. Nadya Suleman’s publicist has just decided to quit, on the basis that his client is ‘nuts’. Denise Richards‘ publicist, we hope you’re taking notes.

Place Your Bids: Octomom Nadya Suleman Sells Her Birth Tape

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Weirdos, were you upset when you discovered that Nadya Suleman wouldn’t star in that multiperson porn film?

You were? Well hope is here! Because what’s better than watching a video of a sweaty red-faced woman who looks a bit like Angelina Jolie shoving eight normal men up her at once? That’s right, a video of a sweaty red-faced woman who looks a bit like Angelina Jolie having eight screaming blood-covered midgets yanked out of her hacked-open stomach!

Which is to say that Octomom Nadya Suleman is considering selling her birth tape to the highest bidder. Mmm, someone pass the Kleenex.