You’re familiar with Drake already, aren’t you? Of course you are. You’re totally down with the kids. Well, he’s spent the weekend proving that even people with watch collections have hopes and dreams.

Not content with selling loads of records to over-protective hip-hop fans, Drake is apparently itching to play US President Barack Obama in a movie. It’s the next logical step for a star whose previous acting experience includes, “Guy In Bathroom Mirror” and “Crymaxing On A Webcam”.

The noted Thespian – who collaborated with Rihanna on ‘What’s My Name’, in case you’re still not sure who he is – has revealed that he studies Obama’s mannerisms in case a role comes his way. Which it never will. Ever.

Of course, Drake isn’t the first singer to say that they want to play a famous person in a film. In 2005 Michael Bublé told The Sun that he was in talks to play a member of the Rat Pack in “Frank Sinatra: The Primark Years” while more recently, Lady Gaga told assembled journalists that it was her life’s ambition to play Madonna in a movie of her life.

Speaking to VH1, Drake said:

“I hope somebody makes a movie about Obama’s life soon because I could play him. That’s the goal. I watch all the addresses. Any time I seen him on TV, I don’t change the channel. I definitely pay attention and listen to the inflections of his voice.”

Let’s get the inflections right before we look at anything else. The rapper, known for tracks such as Take Care and Over, is so dedicated to becoming an Obama impersonator that he’s willing to take the advice of professionals.

“If you ask anyone who knows me, I’m pretty good at impressions.”

There’s your first mistake, Drake. Any idiot knows that you don’t ask people who know you if you’re good at something. How do you think we all ended up as writers, living in a hovel and eating our own shoes for sustenance? Exactly.

Justin Bieber, the pre-pubescent anti-Christ who seems hell bent on making each and every one of our lives miserable by being the most famous person on the planet whilst for merely being a more annoying version of Aaron Carter, appeared to be booed by a crowd of American sports goers.

Maybe the yanks aren’t as bad as we all thought.

Bieber was attending a New York Knicks game at Madison Square Garden when his face was shown on the big screen. Boos and whistles could be heard from all corners of the stadium as New Yorkers registered their disgust at seeing the annoying little twat.

The booing appeared to confuse poor Bieber, who’s more used to having scores of pre-pubescent girls shrieking his name at the top of their lungs while he mimes to a song and imitates the moves of Michael Jackson, only without the alleged child molestation.

Maybe it was a good thing that the Knicks crowd brought Justin back down to Earth. We here at hecklerspray can only imagine what was running through his mind when he heard the boos.

For those wondering why this is news, Justin Bieber is a pre-teen record company whore who is surrounded by sycophantic yes-men and insane teenage girls who feel that a $500 (yes, $500) hair cut makes you, like, totally hott and sosososososoooo talented.

So, to him, being jeered is a totally alien concept, it probably scared him so much that it pushed his puberty back another 5 years, meaning his balls are due to drop sometime around 2032.

Also, we love it when annoying children get their comeuppance.

The humiliation of having a whole stadium of people booing him hasn’t held him back though, no, he’s just got his 7,000,000^th follower on Twitter. Yep, he’s got 7 million followers on Twitter.  That’s close to the population of Israel.

Even in the face of the devastating news that 7 MILLION PEOPLE think that Justin Bieber is worthy of some sort of greatness, we can take solace in the fact that there are still normal people out there, the non-beliebers who will pelt him with bottles and boo him whenever he shows his face in public.

Finally, after 2 years of the Obama administration, there’s finally some change we can beliebe believe in.

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This week’s walking and speed walking.

Folded:

• Hecklerspray almost won another award (now if we can just bring back Dear Dennis the world will be okay again)
• Barack’s in (and even we’re hopeful)
• Daeth By Dislexya: An Animation (funny, bizarrely touching and features exploding heads – ladies and germs, the work of Mr Shawn Lindseth)
• The Wrestler (not as good as they’re saying, but still pretty alright)
• Marisa Tomei (watch The Wrestler if you need reminding)

Creased:

• Lauren Laverne (everywhere you don’t want her to be)
• Stuart Maconie (co-chairs Style on Trial with Laverne. No exactly stylish)
• Birmingham (well, you wouldn’t book a holiday there)
• Lady Gaga (think her last single was annoying? Wait ‘til you hear this)
• Mince pies (yeah, they’re cheaper than chips at the moment, but for heaven’s sake don’t eat ‘em)

Malia and Sasha Obama are lucky kids – first they get a puppy and now they get to hang out with a raspy, prematurely sexual 16-year-old. Cuh!

In what’s being seen as a clever move to remind them that they’re not as important as they think they are, Barack Obama‘s two daughters have been invited to meet the one man on earth who’s more powerful than their own father – Billy Ray Cyrus.

Billy Ray Cyrus has invited Malia and Sasha Obama to visit the set of Hannah Montana, and he’s positive that they’ll accept. After all, Sasha Obama is only a few ears away from reaching that important ‘taking photos of yourself in your underwear and plastering them all over the internet’ phase of her childhood and, by meeting Miley Cyrus, she’ll be getting tips from a veteran.

Now that Malia and Sasha Obama are the first children of America, it’s time they started to embody the character of the country they now internationally represent. That means that one of them has to pose on the front of a glossy magazine in a sexually-provocative way, the other one will have to find a much older boyfriend with a wildly inappropriate job, and if they could also both post candid photos of themselves on the internet and/or get pregnant from a boy they met in church while they’re still at school, then that’d be just dandy.

That’s a lot to ask for the Obama kids, we know – just a few months ago it became clear they were only at the ‘adorably talking about ice cream‘ stage of their development, and that’s no good at all. What Barack Obama’s daughters need is a lesson from an expert in uncomfortably-sexualised teenagers, and there’s no greater expert than Miley Cyrus.

So it’s just as well that Miley Cyrus and her father Billy Ray Cyrus have decided to do the decent thing and invite Malia and Sasha Obama to the set of Hannah Montana, as MSNBC reports:

Billy Ray Cyrus told Access Hollywood that “Hannah” might get a visit from future first daughters Malia and Sasha Obama. “They probably will. The invitation is there,” Miley’s dad said. “The ‘Hannah Montana’ film comes out in April. Maybe something might happen around then. Maybe not. I don’t know… I have got to keep a secret.”

Reading that statement back, the message is loud and clear – there’s a Hannah Montana movie coming out in April. Also, something about Barack Obama. We lost concentration at that point. A Hannah Montana movie! Woo!

Should they accept the invitation, we’re sure that Malia and Sasha Obama will feel right at home. After all, both Miley Cyrus and the Obama kids now live in a fishbowl – figuratively in Miley’s case and, for the Obamas, a literal five-inch thick bulletproof fishbowl issued by the secret service.

Also, while Malia and Sasha’s father is now the leader of the free world, Miley’s dad has facial hair that makes his mouth look like a vagina. We could go on.

However, we’re sure that the Hannah Montana visit will be completely beneficial for the Obama children. If nothing else, once it’s over they’ll be completely proficient at worming money out of tired old institutions. What more could they possibly ask for?

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Okay, so maybe we’re just reacting to Paris Hilton’s new advert as many of our readers react to the sarcasm on these pages – by taking things at face value.

But it would appear that Paris Hilton is indeed running for the presidency of the United States of America. In a video statement released to political hardline site Funny or Die, Hilton responded to the recent campaign ad from John McCain and the Republican party with her own brand of politics.

In the original ad, Paris was likened to Democratic Senator Barack Obama – popular, but ultimately vacuous and easily forgotten (or maybe it was the other way round). It would seem that young miss Hilton didn’t take too kindly to these words and has launched something of a war on the Republican Party, vowing to bring them down if it’s the last thing she does.

Okay, so maybe we’re going a bit overboard – even told a couple of porkie pies. She isn’t trying to bring down the Republican Party. She isn’t actually running for presidency. And Funny or Die isn’t technically a political hardline site.

But she has been involved in a video response, so it’s not all bad news laced with lies.

The video, produced as a direct response to the Republican campaign advert, stars young Paris – and she’s hardly even naked at all, meaning we live in some bizarre world where she can manage to make something that both isn’t a sex tape and is funny. No, instead of committing lewd acts then releasing the video footage for profit, the Simple Life star simply lazes on a sun lounger and puts forth her views on today’s US politics.

Of course, her words come across as if they were completely, totally and utterly written by no one but Paris Hilton herself. No help involved here. No sireee, not with this mastermind at the helm. Definitely. We’d be willing to bet on that.

Alright, so we’re back to lying again.

Nevertheless, the video is quite funny and Paris doesn’t make herself into a complete tit throughout. Frankly, this is nothing short of a genuine miracle, when you take into account the above-mentioned fact that this isn’t even a sex tape. Paris’ credentials for the presidency aren’t that bad either – she is the perfect wife after all and she’s a genius, though she may run some of her voters over if she isn’t careful.

In all honesty though, we at hecklerspray are still waiting for the Britney Spears response to hit the web. Who knows – maybe a career in politics is just the kind of low-stress job Miss Spears needs, as soon as she’s free to roam again? And the combination of high profile work and actual responsibility could put her in good stead to get her kids back from that prat Kevin Federline. Hey – it’s just a thought.

Or maybe it’ll just get ignored and the whole event will be taken exactly as it’s ‘supposed’ to, with people watching, laughing and forgetting. Bah. Watch the video below:

When it comes to telling people about good weed, Snoop Dogg is the man. Or, if you wanna be street like hecklerspray, then he’s da man – right kids?

Either way he’d clearly be a good man to turn to in times of need – you’ve got to give him his dues. Also, if you ever felt yourself thinking "I really want to listen to someone who can spell out their name in a variety of different ways," then Snoop Dogg is definitely da man – he has spent his entire career seemingly doing little else than pushing back the boundaries of that particular art form – you really do have to give him his dues.

But is Snoop Dogg da man to turn to when looking for advice on the Democratic preliminaries? Shall we find out? Yeah, let’s find out.

In an interview with CNN’s Larry King – aired on Friday 9pm – Snoop Dogg said:

“I just want to see somebody win in the best interest of America — whether it be [Obama], a black man, or whether it be Hillary, a woman, either one is a great move for America.”

Just like to thank Snoop there for confirming to any doubters out there that Hilary Clinton is indeed a woman. Keep going Dogg:

“We need change. We need somebody in there that's about listening to the people and representing the people. I think both of the candidates will do that.”

Can you actually believe this man duetted with Rage Against the Machine? What were they thinking? Sorry, Dogg, keep going:

“In the past we had presidential candidates like [Rev.] Jesse Jackson. We didn't really think he can win. Right now people feel like this man could really win. He's got the right thing going for him. He's got the right conversation.”

That’s all very well, but could you try and be a bit more vague?

“He's in line with the right scenario to win. Whether he wins or loses, he made a great step for black America by even stepping to the table and pulling off something like this – I'm not down with the Republican Party or the Democratic Party. I represent the Gangsta Party."

Yes. He represents the Gangsta party, who – it turns out – vote for the Democratic Party. The Democrats – a party who have invested millions upon millions in the war against drugs, and have been known to give marijuana dealers sentences that outstretch that of a paedophile. How do you spell sell-out, Snoop? We’re sure you can think of some ways.

If you remain a fan of Snoop, even after this career-ending article, then you may be interested to know that he releases his ninth studio album, Ego Trippin, on March 17, which may include the rapping skills of David Beckham.

Read more: 

Snoop Dogg torn between Obama, Clinton – CNN