What with embracing capitalism and becoming a superpower and all, China’s had a lot to deal with recently.

But some things are still too much to cope with. Like lumpen, coasting indie music made by, in part, the bloke from Heavy Stereo, for instance. And that’s why China has banned Oasis from performing there.

The Chinese government’s official explanation for the Oasis ban is that Noel Gallagher performed at a Free Tibet concert in 1997, although we’ve heard rumours that actually Vice Premier in charge of agriculture Hui Liangyu banned them because he much prefers the music of The Bluetones.

In recent years, China has softened its stance on allowing Western acts to perform within its borders, which is probably a good idea because the last Chinese pop CD we bought made us want to chop off our testicles and plug our ears with them.

And, by and large, this has been a success. True, there’s been the odd upset along the way – like Bjork yelling out “TIBET!” like she was trying to stop it falling down an open manhole, and Sharon Stone being a gigantic dicksplat – but generally things have gone OK. The Rolling Stones have even performed in China, for crying out loud.

They can’t have gone down too well, though, because China has decided that it doesn’t want Oasis – essentially The Rolling Stones with less good songs – to play there.

That’s right, Oasis have been banned from China, either because of Noel Gallagher’s participation in a Free Tibet concert 12 years ago, or because anyone who likes Oasis in China can already buy Definitely Maybe on CD, which is better because it doesn’t have a piss-poor hour-long version of I Am The Walrus artlessly tacked on at the end of it like an Oasis concert would. But anyway, Billboard reports:

Officials within the Chinese Ministry of Culture only recently discovered that Noel Gallagher appeared at a Free Tibet benefit concert in New York City in 1997. “Oasis are extremely disappointed that they are now being prevented from undertaking their planned tour of mainland China and hope that the powers that be within China will reconsider their decision and allow the band to perform to their Chinese fans at some stage in the future.”

Oasis shouldn’t get downhearted about not being able to play in China. Jay-Z has also been banned by the Chinese government, so now they’ve got something else in common apart from being old and past their prime and not really liking each other very much. And being married to people from crappy girlbands. Actually, Jay-Z and Oasis have more in common than we thought. How odd.

Incidentally, does anyone happen to know if China has any restrictions on bad-tempered entertainment bloggers? Because if it means avoiding Oasis for the rest of our lives, we’ll be on a eastward-bound plane by dinnertime. And that’s a promise*.

*Not a promise.

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