Yes, now she’s all grown up, Emma Watson is proud woman in possession of a full set of boobs and, if we hear correctly, a properly-functioning bottom. And she’d like nothing more than to show you.

Observing Daniel Radcliffe’s critical acclaim after appearing nude in Equus, Emma Watson has decided that she’d quite like to get naked, too. But only if it’s artistic and integral to the plot. Or slapdash and gratuitous. She’s not really bothered.

The Harry Potter actors are quickly approaching a crossroads in their life – after the movie series ends in the next couple of years they can either accept that they were lucky to be part of the Harry Potter phenomenon to begin with, live off the millions they earnt from it and top up their holiday funds by appearing on The Weakest Link: Rubbish Old Bloody Hasbeens We Can Barely Even Remember Edition once every few years. Or they can become serious actors.

Daniel Radcliffe has taken the second option, embarking on a wildly successful transatlantic run as the little naked horse-stab boy in Equus. And it’s paid dividends – by doing so, Radcliffe has dismissed any notion that he’s the next Mark Hamill. At the absolute least he’s a new version of Mark Hamill who gets his cock out night after night at the behest of a terrifying half-man half-horse god figure. So take that, haters.

And now Emma Watson has decided that she wants a slice of the artistic credibility pie as well. Although she shot to fame as prim little bookworm Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies, Emma Watson has been experimenting with adulthood a little lately, by showing off her knickers and possibly getting off with pig-faced rockers who look like they smell of paint thinner.

The final step of this transformation is, of course, the utterly gratuitous movie nude scene.  So Emma Watson has decided that he wants to do that as well now, please. The New York Daily News reports:

The baby-faced teenager, who has garnered legions of fans for her role as innocent Hermione Granger, admitted this weekend she would go naked for her art. “Yes. For Bernardo Bertolucci. It … depends,” said the actress, referring to the Italian director. But she quickly rationalized, “I’m not getting my kit off any time soon, but it is part of my job.”

That’s right Emma, it is part of your job to get naked. After all, if young actresses didn’t blunder into onscreen nudity at an embarrassingly young age, then the internet would shrivel up and die within weeks. Emma Watson, we salute you.

But, as shocking as it sounds to her that Emma Watson from Harry Potter wants to get naked in a film, remember that it’s not as scandalous as it sounds – Emma is 18 years old now and she’s firmly stated that it won’t be happening immediately.

After all, Emma Watson has a wise head and she knows that it’ll take several years to decide if she wants to thwonk her boobies out in a tawdry straight-to-DVD erotic thriller, or if she wants to preserve her womanhood for something really special like Showgirls 2: Return Of The Minge.

So, sincere congratulations to Emma Watson for her nudity vow. We’re sure that however she decides to display her bazzers on celluloid, a small army of quite creepy middle-aged men will firmly support her all the way.

Oh, but Emma? If you being naked in a film inspires that Ron Weasley kid to do the same thing, we’re going to hunt you down and tear you apart like dogs. Dogs, you hear? OK, thanks.

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Don’t know who Adrienne Bailon is? Don’t worry – neither do we! Just know that there are naked Adrienne Bailon photos all over the internet, and there’s supposedly a sex tape on the way too. Best of all, Adrienne Bailon is 25 years old, so you can look at her naked photos without being terrified that the police will find the images on your hard drive and get all Gary Glitter on you.

We’re sure this is hugely embarrassing time for Adrienne Bailon, and the poor girl’s probably worried that these naked photos will spell the end of her career – but there’s no reason for that to happen. Just look at Kim Kardashian – a similar thing happened to her and she managed to last three full weeks on Dancing With The Stars. That’s the big time, Adrienne!

We know this makes us sound old, but naked internet photos of female celebrities just aren’t what they were. Time was you’d be tripping over all sorts of nude photos of everyone from Vanessa Hudgens out of High School Musical to the dull one from Sex And The City to the ginger mannish one from Desperate Housewives.

But now? Now people are so uptight that they throw a tantrum if they see some of Miley Cyrus’ back. That’s hardly the reaction of a rational society, and so we all need to thank Adrienne Bailon with all our hearts for what she’s just done.

You see, naked photos of Adrienne Bailon have appeared on the internet, and they’ve created a sort of perfect naked storm. Here’s why.

Adriene Bailon is one of the stars of Disney’s Cheetah Girls – which means there’s corrupted youth, the tainted reputation of an organisation that prides itself on family appeal and something for the dads. Adrienne Bailon is 25 – which means there isn’t the moral iffyness that you get from gawping at a naked teenager. Adrienne Bailon is also dating Kim Kardashian’s brother – which means there’s an ingrained tradition of getting naked on the internet at work. And, best of all, there’s supposedly an Adrienne Bailon sex tape on the loose as well – which means that she’s definitely a bit dirty and can’t get away with the ‘this was a one-time mistake’ excuse. See? Perfect.

Now, the usual formula of reacting to this sort of thing involves a couple of weeks spent complaining about intrusion of privacy until the girl realises that she can make millions of dollars by agreeing to distribute the sex tape. But that’s not the case with the naked pictures of Adrienne Bailon, because Adrienne is furious enough to sue anyone who distributes her naked photos. Her lawyer has released the following statement:

“The photos that have surfaced of Adrienne Bailon were stolen from her laptop over a week ago at an airport in NY and sent to several media outlets. These photos were taken in private. Adrienne will be pursuing legal action against the person or person’s sending these private photos out. Adrienne is deeply sorry for any pain this may have caused to her fans.“

Honestly, was that really necessary? By all means Adrienne Bailon should sue anyone who tries to distribute these naked photos of her – even though they’ve made her a billion times more famous than she was a couple of weeks go – but come on.

Lawyers are expensive, and it’s silly to waste your money paying them to apologise to your fans. You’re a Cheetah Girl, for crying out loud. How many fans have you got? And don’t count all the randy old pervert fans you’ve picked up in the last couple of days. That’d be cheating.

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One more time, for the road, Miley Cyrus has got half naked, someone has taken photos and one more time, for the road, they have been uploaded on to the internet. And we all know how very much the world of the internet loves pictures of 15-year-olds in small amounts of clothing.

She’s fifteen, people. Stop it. If this were a no-name young girl from Bognor Regis then whomever uploaded these pictures would probably receive something of a slapped wrist by the local authorities, but because it’s a superstar Disney child-celeb it’s all fine to go plastering half the internet with scantly-clad photographs of her.

Go on – search for it. You’ll find them on supposedly respectable sites, including FOX News. This is the same FOX News that cries crocodile tears and attempts to whip up public outrage every time anything ‘immoral’ happens in the world. Apparently a small girl in her underwear doesn’t qualify for that same outrage – in fact, it’s news.

If you’ve resisted the tempation to look at these near-naked photos of a child doing the rounds then well done, you’re one of the few that will be allowed to survive the hecklerspray armageddon, which will allow us a fresh start in a world free of the absolute filth of the earth gutter scum that seem to be propagating everywhere the ex-Hannah Montana is popping up.

Not content with appearing on the front of Vanity Fair and making some people – apart from her dad, seemingly – uncomfortable with the semi-nudity on show, Miley went on to have about thirty thousand different pictures of hear nearly with her clothes all (mostly) off and stuff.

Obviously the tweeny little thing apologised for all her actions and went back to work as normal with her Disney cohorts. But she just couldn’t help herself, could she? No, like every other person in the world since the advent of Myspace, she decided she simply had to take even more pictures of herself with very few clothes on.

Kids are idiots, aren’t they? Especially ones very much in the public eye. Either that or they’ve become even cleverer than they’ve ever been and are involved in campaigns to make adults around the world feel slightly uncomfortable with the imagery they are confronted with on supposedly reputable news-based websites.

But no – we aren’t going to judge Miley Cyrus for this. She’s either been very stupid or very smart, and either way she’s grabbed herself a ton of new headlines. No, we’ll go for those of questionable morality that seem to be having so much fun plastering the internet with these images as news.

We now live in a world where it has become acceptable for $14 million to be paid for pictures of babies, and where photographs of an underage girl posing with little in the way of clothes has become front page news – with the pictures (or at least links to the pictures) posted alongside the report.

But at least we can still wait for the ultimate test, to see how low these people will really stoop. According to FOX News:

“DigitalGangster.com allegedly has even more scandalous images of Cyrus.”

Let’s see if the world will actually post what is technically child porn as news. Go on. Let’s really see how fucked society has become.

Why? Well, for starters, shoving it in his big, fat chops might shut him up.

Secondly, it could be the only way we can stop him from doing nude scenes.

That’s right – nude scenes!!

‘Nude scenes’ and ‘Jack Black’ – if ever there was four words that should not appear together in the same sentence it’s that right there.

And you’ll be disgusted to know that the Kung Fu Panda star has done them before (In Margot at the Wedding – just in case you are some twisted freak and want to check him out.)

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As we all know, there are only two things that perpetuate the spinning of the earth on its axis these days – celebrities and naked girls.

They are everywhere, constantly vying for our attention. It’s a daily clash of the titans; one day naked girls will get a unanimous victory, only for celebrities to get their sweet revenge soon after, leaving a bloody pool of tits, ass and ego all over the streets in their wake.

The only time peace can be found is when the two of them merge their awesome powers together, creating that all powerful attention-grabbing freak of nature that is: the naked-girl-celebrity.

The bigger the celebrity the better, and the more naked the better, so this time we’d like to whole-heartedly thank Britney Spears for offering us her celebrity, and semi-thank her the nakedness she merged with it.

As part of Britney’s ongoing comeback, she has returned to the gym in an effort to return her body to the former glories that once made her famous, so that the next time she strides knickerless out of a car door, it will be more like the way a million boys had once dreamt it, and not the bald, playdough fun-killing-factory it turned out to be in reality.

So, if anyone wants to compare their bikini bodies to or knock one off in the name of naked-girl-celebrity, then follow the link below to see pictures taken by some paparazzi fella who was stalking her on the beach.

See Pics Here

Read More – Britney Spears Bodacious Body, Back Taxes – Gossip Girls

The news has no doubt brought a tear to the eye of a million lonely lads who, if Dina is to be believed, will have to make do with what Lindsay has put out for their consumption already – as if that wasn’t enough.

But who cares about those wankers? Spare a thought for the producers of the film: you jerk-offs have only lost out on another chance to be titillated – the producers have lost the entire plot to their film!

According to Access Hollywood, their reporter Billy Brush received an e-mail from Dina Lohan simply saying:

“No, she is not.”

So, that may all but end the chuff-shot speculation, but try and take a positive spin on things here, guys. For example, she hasn’t yet confirmed or denied that Lindsay is actually going to star in this film, just as she hasn’t confirmed or denied that Lindsay’s breasts may make an appearance, meaning it is still possible that you’ll get to see her boobies on a giant cinema screen!

It’s about as common a sight these days as the back of your hand, but still, boobs is boobs, and Lindsay’s bare mammaries are a sight that even Mumma Lohan is a fan of. Though not so much her Dad, of course, the poor bastard. Let us have a minute’s silence for that broken man.

There. We hope he felt that. Michael, you’re forever in hecklerspray’s thoughts.

Read More – Mom Dismisses Lohan Film Nudity Reports – NBC

You won’t want to be reminded of any embarrassing incidents, like when your mum caught you wanking over Judge Judy or when you found pictures of your mum in porno mags. Those things can be avoided, but we may be unable to stop this latest timebomb from going off. Everyone sadly knows about Kerry Katona. She promotes Iceland and was famous a long time ago. Kerry Katona also won’t piss off away from our screens. She now plans to torment us further by getting her presumably frozen tits out for us to go blind over. 

Some say Kerry Katona is like the modern form of Medusa. Not the ace metal band that fuck off sex maniac loon Russell Brand, but the creature that turns people in to stone when eye contact is made. This has yet to be proven officially by scientists, but when our next work experience kid comes in, we will sit him/her at a screen all day looking into her chip-filled eyes. If it works, we'll be on the front of Time magazine.  

However, other people say that Kerry Katona is the UK version of Britney Spears. Just take away a) Britney Spears' famous singing career b) Britney Spears' glamorous LA lifestyle c) Britney Spears' countless world tours and d) Britney Spear’s head shaving, fanny flashing, paparazzi beating antics. Now you have two women who are vaguely familiar.  

At present, we get to know everything about Kerry Katona every week thanks to her own car-crash TV show, Kerry Katona: Crazy In Love. Here we learn how to be the perfect parent as Kerry munches on chips to feed her unborn children whilst knocking back alcohol and smoking. The follow up, Honey! I’ve Crippled The Kid is expected later this year.

But just in case you think that we still haven't seen enough of Kerry Katona, she's about to show us more. A bit more then what we really want. Digital Spy quotes a source as saying: 

“Kerry looks at her time as a glamour girl as the happiest she's ever been. All the boys fancied her and she felt a million dollars. She wants to transform herself and is determined to get in shape. She has a fitness DVD coming out soon too so that will push her into training and dieting hard. Kerry is determined to get back to the sexy, busty young girl she once was and feels totally frumpy at the moment.” 

Presumably, the fitness DVD will be done whilst she sparks up her fifth Benson & Hedges cigarette and cracks open another bottle of Diamond White. Having her present one of these DVDs is the equivalent of having hecklerspray launching our guide on how to be sincere and sensitive to the needs of others. For now, though, we’ll wait for the reliable News Of The World. Its weekly piece on “What’s Gone Wrong In Kerry Katona’s Life?” always delivers a laugh. Plus it makes excellent lining for a rabbit hutch.

Read more:

Katona wants to be glamour model again? – DigitalSpy