No, instead the movie’s called Notorious, and it’s either about the Duran Duran song, the Alfred Hitchcock film, dead rapper Notorious BIG or the notorious Anglo-American wife murderer Dr Crippen. At a guess, we’d say it was about the dead rapper. We should research more, sorry.

Anyway, despite being a major character in the movie, Lil’ Kim is refusing to see Notorious. We think it’s probably because she’s played by Verne Troyer in blackface.

There’s a law stating that if you’re a) in the music industry and b) dead, then someone has to make a movie about you. It’s why Ray Charles got a movie, Johnny Cash got a movie and Etta James got a movie, and the reason why up to 15 different competing producers are actively willing Cliff Richard to fall down a concrete staircase.

But, more relevantly, it’s also why there’s a Notorious BIG biopic rattling our way. Notorious is basically the heartwarming story of Biggie Smalls, the lovable rapper whose life was a non-stop rollercoaster of drug-dealing, fan-beating and being shot four times in the chest until he died. It’s Eight Mile, in essence, but you don’t get to see Kim Basinger’s bottom and the ending’s a bit bleaker.

That’s not why people will go to see Notorious, though – they’ll see it because, as well as being the story of Notorious BIG, it’s also the story of all his old chums. Puff Daddy’s there, Faith Evans is there, Tupac Shakur is there – and there’s even a slot for dear old Suge Knight, after an actor was found who could convincingly drive a car while repeatedly punching a woman in the head. Allegedly.

And, of course, one of the major characters in Notorious is Lil’ Kim, the tiny rapper who had a love affair with Notorious BIG, then allegedly had his baby aborted and then went on to ultimately not release as many albums as a handful of presumably deaf people wanted.

Lil’ Kim’s probably aware that Notorious exists, but it looks as though she doesn’t want anything to do with it – she’s refusing to see it and, as the New York Daily News reports, she didn’t even help the actress playing her with the part:

Naturi Naughton, who plays Kim in “Notorious,” didn’t even meet her subject before delving into the role… “I don’t know. I tried to reach out to her. I think there was some conflict. I’m not sure.” Faith Evans, who was married to Biggie, told us, “I don’t know what [Kim] wanted. But we all signed the same agreement to be portrayed in the movie.”

Perhaps Lil’ Kim is just being grouchy because she’s holding out for a movie of her own instead of just being a supporting character in films about her boyfriend. If that’s the case, she’s probably in for a long wait – if any movie producers wanted to make a biopic about a diminutive female rapper, they’d surely want to make a Foxy Brown movie instead. And we’d go and see that, by the way – but only so long as all the brutal violence contained in the movie was sped up and accompanied by Yakkety Sax. That would be a dealbreaker.

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