Back when times were pure and innocent, only a few select events took up room on our calendar; such as birthdays and the elusive annual leave. Now, more and more meaningless events are cluttering our calendars as television bullies its way into our lives, sits down on top of us and angrily demands that we perform oral sex on it.

August used to be the time when advertisers would pester us with commercials about Christmas hampers and store cards. Now, when we see this particular month approaching, we know that the booming narration of X-Factor is set to begin and for a few weeks, we get to see slew of modern-day freaks being paraded in front of four berks for our amusement.

Every Saturday, everyone rushes all their errands so they can watch TV with strong continental lager and a fatty takeaway. Only then can you make snide comments about how someone singing their heart out is inferior to you. Hell, maybe you even tweet about it. Incessantly.