The gentleman here at hecklerspray love Adele. We love the thought of spending an afternoon in some Camden beer-garden with her, marvelling at her ability to sink pints of London Pride in a one-er, belch like Brian Blessed, un-selfconsciously wipe her mouth with the back of her hand, chain-smoke and swear like a sailor. She's our kind of lady.

What we don't love the thought of is having to listen to her sing any of her songs ever again.

So, news that doctors have ordered her to stick a long-overdue cork in her whine have been met with a collective sigh of relief. There's only so often you can listen to a lass caterwauling about some fella who ?done left her and that? without feeling the need to stab yourself in the eye just to have something more interesting to think about.

Before we even get going on this article, have you seen Adele’s chin? It’s the most odd chin in popular culture. It looks like someone has inserted a steel ‘W’ in her jaw. It looks like someone hit her in the face with a small axe. But Adele isn’t about the image, so she won’t care about that. She’s all about the songs. She’s the Susan Boyle it is okay to like. She’s The Voice.

A voice which she has lost, thanks to a bout of laryngitis. There are many who will be happy about this news, meaning that she won’t be appearing on our televisions with her awful faux torch-songs.

This, however, means that she’s had to cancel five dates she was due to play in North America. It is assumed that the self-pitying single women and melodramatic gay men who buy her records will be wallowing in her music, comfort eating and crying into online forums dedicated to the singer, currently with a face like a slapped arse.