We know! Crazy, huh? It seems that Miley Cyrus has passed the ‘inappropriate exhibitionism’ stage of her development and has already reached the ‘lonely superstar isolation’ mark, as demonstrated by a recent interview where she did nothing but glumly reflect on how she wishes she could be a normal teenager.

That’s great – as we all know, the ‘lonely superstar isolation’ stage is always followed by either the ‘drug-fuelled career meltdown’ or the ‘buying a monkey and considering it to be your only friend’ stage. Which path will Miley Cyrus pick? We don’t care, so long as she promises not to take any more pictures of herself in the shower. We’ve just eaten, Miley. Honestly.

You always want what you haven’t got, isn’t that true? We, for example, really want the two things we don’t have – an iPhone and the ability to love. Seriously, can someone send us an iPhone?

It’s exactly the same for Miley Cyrus. On the surface Miley Cyrus has got everything she could possibly wish for – money, fame, a slightly creepy-looking father, the power to create widespread moral panic every time she displays a portion of her back – but deep down all Miley Cyrus wants is to be normal.

You know, the kind of normal where your friends aren’t all 35-year-old Disney publicists. The kind of normal where you can take as many inappropriate pictures of your underwear-clad body without them appearing all over the internet. The kind of normal where you work as hard as you can all your life and get passed over for promotion time and time again and you can’t stop daydreaming about throwing yourself off a cliff just so your family can use the life insurance money to buy themselves food. That’s the sort of normal that Miley Cyrus wants, damnit!

And on Good Morning America this morning, Miley Cyrus managed to reveal all about her weird desire to be normal. People reports:

“Sometimes I’m like, ‘Oh, I want to go to the mall,’ I’m thinking, ‘I’m totally gonna be fine and be able to shop around.’ It’s, like, okay, not a normal teenager, you know… when I go out and about, I’m like, ‘Okay, like I’m not in this normal life.’ It’s not a normal world… I don’t know if I could go back to, like, a normal life. I think it would be too hard.”

Yes, OK Miley. We get it. You’re not normal. Thanks for pointing that out as much as you just did. But, on behalf of all the normal people in the world, we’d like to take this opportunity to thank you for at least pretending that you want to be like us. We’ve never felt so cherished.

Actually, maybe we’re being a little unfair on Miley Cyrus here. As a child star, this life is all she’s ever known. Maybe she really does believe that it’s better to schlub your life away in a thankless, badly-paid mid-level job toiling for a giant faceless corporation.

And, who knows? Maybe it is. After all, as a 15-year-old megastar, Miley Cyrus is subject to pressures and demands that none of us could ever imagine. And don’t forget that her dad is Billy Ray Cyrus, after all. No wonder she wants out.

Another way is to read the news today. You see, Britney Spears turned up at a charity party at Jim Carrey’s house this weekend not looking as if she’d spent the last month wide awake and screaming at the ceiling. And that’s a news story, apparently.

Of course it is – we all care about Britney Spears, so it goes without saying that everything she does should be held up as a shining example of what other mentally unwell, legally unfit mothers can be capable of with a nice dress, some expensive hair and make-up and a brief appearance at a movie star’s fancy charity party.

One of the most heartening things about 2008 has been Britney Spears’ gradual rehabilitation. It was just a few short months ago, remember, that Britney got naked and held her son hostage in a locked bathroom until the authorities came and wheeled her away to a psychiatric hospital for urgent treatment. But now everything’s just rosy.

True, Britney Spears has just lost custody of her children forever, her last CD bombed and she still can’t be trusted to spend any of her money without her father’s permission, but it’s a long hard road. With a lot of time, hard work and dedication, we might even be able to see the old Britney Spears again before long – you know, the Britney who vomited up a lot and thought she was the devil. They were golden times.

Things certainly look good for Britney Spears, because last weekend she attended a party at Jim Carrey’s house to raise funds for the child autism charity he’s so heavily involved with. What’s more, she was wearing all her clothes the right way round and didn’t once try and smash anything up with an umbrella. The Telegraph reports:

“She looked great and seemed really happy,” a guest told a US magazine at the party held at the actor Jim Carrey’s home in California. He said she kept close to her assistant and didn’t speak to other guests, but seemed happy and relaxed. “She smiled and clapped during the video about autism,” he added.

OK, so maybe Britney hasn’t completely recovered yet – smiling and clapping during a heartrending video presentation about child illness sounds like the work of a very special type of weirdo – but we can still see signs that Britney Spears is definitely getting better.

She didn’t talk to any of the other guests at the party, for example. That’s great news – Britney clearly understands that even 30 seconds of conversation with Jim Carrey when he’s being all over-exaggerated and earnest is enough to send even the most sturdy-minded individual into a shrieking spiral of tormented madness. We should take this as a positive.

She has described their behavior as ‘normal’ for girls their age and suggested they have ‘good hearts’; a case of the pot defending the kettle for being black, perhaps? According to Yahoo, Miley said:

Everyone has their time. And I think most 21 to 25-year-olds go through this kind of thing. Basically, they’re being normal 21-year-olds, especially Lindsay. I mean, most of that’s pretty normal. If you went to most high schools, I could point out Britneys and Lindsays.

Everyone has their time. We hear ya, Miley, we hear ya.

And just what is going on in American high schools? Are there drunk girls crashing their cars in the hallway, stepping and spilling out from the wreckage, proceeding to shove their tongue down the nearest jock’s throat before attacking all onlookers with a brolly, all in the name of normality?

Or is that all bull-shit, Miley? Is it more that someone quite fancies doing the same things themselves sometime, like what hecklerspray predicted a few weeks back, hmm?

Miley said more things on the same subject:

I guess that’s why I’m so adamant about the Britneys and Lindsays and whatever, because I know those people and I know they have good hearts and they’re just struggling.

Yeah, we guess that’s why you’re being so adamant about it as well, and we’d believe it too if you just stopped flashing your jail-bait back for two seconds, god!

Honestly, is this really how the youth of today view Britney and Lindsay; as good-hearted, normal people? Have we learnt nothing? Are we just going to ceaselessly make the same mistakes over and over again?

All the paparazzi and entertainment sites in the world will be praying this is the case.

Read More – Cyrus defends ‘normal’ Spears and Lohan, Yahoo

We may as well pack in what we’re doing now and contemplate what we did wrong in life. You see, 50 Cent has declared himself to be better then everyone else. Yup, you may have once been the cool kid in the playground who got all the foil football stickers first but now that doesn’t matter. Back then you may have been the daddy, the big cheese, number one and the mutt’s nuts, but you really aren't because 50 Cent says that he's all those things himself in what's thought to be the world's first ever instance of a rapper getting ideas above his station.

50 Cent is quickly becoming more renowned for his hilarious boastful quotes than his dreary music these days. A few months ago, 50 was all like “Yeah, I’m motherfucking 50 Cent and I’m gonna have a rap-off with my home boy Kanye West” as soon as he realised that both artists were bringing out records on the same day, adding that he’d bugger off into a dark cave somewhere if Kanye ever outsold him.

But despite getting his ass kicked black and blue from Kanye, 50 Cent didn’t retire. He cancelled some gigs which was OK but hardly what he promised. Fast-forward to a few weeks ago and 50 Cent tried exactly the same thing in the book charts against Lance Bass. And nobody even cares what the outcome was any more.

Unfortunately, 50 Cent's latest egotistical boast isn’t based around a product. This time, 50 has pretty much declared himself better than all of human kind by literally deeming everyone else around him rubbish. You see, 50 Cent can't get a girlfriend, and it's all because he's so famous and wonderful that a 'normal' woman just doesn't cut it for him any more:

"I have a lot going on and it's tough. Let's say that I'd commit to someone who is 'normal' and has a 'normal' lifestyle. But I think they would feel neglected on some levels." 

It's not looking good for 50 Cent, but we think we know where he's going wrong: 1) Any man who has to repeat his name over and over again in his own songs is not so much a lyrical genius, more a potential amnesiac. 2) You should only say you're the best if you are the best and not likely to be outsold by a bloke in a pink sweater any time soon. 3) We’re tired of 50 Cent telling us that he was shot multiple times. It's like us filling every story with mentions of the time we were sick after a dodgy takeaway.

But let's give 50 the benefit of the doubt. Yup, it would be mega-hard to get a girlfriend when you spend all hours with your nose to the grindstone pissing around in private jets across the world, going to studios to record more songs about being shot or generally living it up with the millions of dollars that people have naively given you when they bought his records. Maybe we should have a telethon for him.