No Line On The Horizon - HecklerSpray

Everyone Steals New U2 Album, Despite It Being Made By U2

March 25th, 2009 By Paul Gibson

In these uncertain economic times, even 40-year-old supermarket deputy managers with ponytails and halitosis are turning to internet piracy for their music.

Paul McGuinness, U2‘s manager, has been crying angry little tears in recent days, as all his careful planning for his band’s new album’s spolier-free release has been ruined by… well, by whatever kind of deviant it is who would not only spend time and effort trying to obtain pre-release files of a U2 album, but would then want to infect innocent peoples’ ears with it.

Sicko.

U2 Aren’t Ever Splitting Up, So Sorry For Ruining Your Day

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

If you ever wanted to see a day when U2 are basically a group of old men repeating themselves time after time, then…

Hey hang on a minute! U2 already are basically a group of old men repeating themselves time after time! Well that’s our opening line buggered up, then. Anyway, if you want to see U2 even more decrepit and creatively strapped than they already are, then you’re in for a treat – U2 are never splitting up. Ever.

It’s true – The Edge said so. And you shouldn’t doubt a man named after a horticultural barrier, because that’d be stupid.

U2 Set To Ruin 2009 With Five Versions Of Their New Album

March 25th, 2009 By Matthew Laidlow

After being sidetracked with a few things, such as trying to end all world evils and finding out where the boogieman lives, Bono has returned to his 50-bedroom mansion to concentrate on churning out another U2 album.

Bono and the other members of U2 have been threatening to release No Line On The Horizon for a while now and finally they've delivered the bombshell with a March 19 2009 release. Is one new release bad enough? No, Bono has to be an extravagant twat and release it five bloody times.