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Love Mario Kart do you? Get a kick out of throwing bombs at meek looking tortoises do you? You sick, sick excuse for a human being. It’s appalling that you don’t feel any remorse about throwing blunt objects at people’s heads.
It’s not real is it not?
Think again, because the most amazing thing has happened! Someone has gone and made real-life Mario Karts. That’s right. Yes, it is fine to start masturbating now. There’s a video over the jump so you can see them.
With E3 over with for another year, I thought it was time to take stock.
Well, I have had a great time and really enjoyed trying out lots of new games.
The highlight of the trip was meeting McLovin from Superbad, but really, I have to say, my celebrity quota has been quite poor – maybe they have actually heard of us.
In fact, the only thing I’ve probably caught is pig flu.
Anyway, I thought now was the time to reflect and being the bloke who does most of the lists on this site, I thought I would go through the biggest winners and losers from E3.
10 – If any of you are new to the internet, please be warned that about four-fifths of it is exactly like this…
9 - A man visits the set of Terminator Salvation and does his best not to point out that it’s really going to suck. A lot - Premiere
8 - Burger porn. It’s OK for work, unless you work for PETA. Then you will DIE – Houstonpress
7 - There’s a fire-breathing robot dog in London. Just, you know, a heads-up - Fanboy
6 – The best virals of the year. The fact that we recognise all of these is proof that we need a new job – Videogum
5 - 10 things some bloke wants Apple to make. Clearly missed off ‘girlfriend’ on purpose – Techradar
4 – Something good from The Onion – Theonion
3 - Scientists can detect dementia by gauging how well they understand sarcasm. Note to 85% of our readers: you all have dementia – News
2 - Nintendo terrifies the young – Gonintendo
1 - Mean, mean quotes. Memorise them all – Menshealth
It’s so easy to hate, you know.
Just take a look at hecklerspray‘s regular Badvertising feature, in which we take commercials presently oozing from your television screen and vehemently assert how rubbish they are. It’s a non-stop loathefest. And we’re tired, people. Tired.
So. We’ve decided to take a short break, see. Instead of showing you something lousy, we’re going to treat you to what is hands-down the best commercial ever made.
This is a 1992 advert for the Nintendo game Legend Of Zelda, and we’ll be damned if it doesn’t have the catchiest pop number this side of The Monkees, a strangely androgynous lead character battling all sorts of monsters, a crazy caged Princess and a dance routine that – in any sane universe – would be sweeping club floors nationwide.
What is actually happening in this commercial? We have no idea. Enjoy.
