But even though she’s easily caused enough teenage ejaculations to power a rocket trip to the moon, Megan Fox knows that her work is still not done. And that’s why Megan Fox has told GQ magazine that she once had a sizzling lesbian relationship with a female stripper from Russia called Nikita.

We can’t congratulate Megan Fox enough for telling us this. Honestly, with the world’s financial markets in meltdown and the worst recession for a century looming over us all, Megan Fox implying that she might have once rubbed her clodge against a stripper’s clodge has single-handedly resuscitated the ailing tissue industry. Megan, we salute you.

Megan Fox scares the life out of us, you know. She’s just a little bit too perfect, almost as if teams of international scientists have spent decades gently calibrating her sexiness with microchips and industrial sanders.

Firstly there’s that name – Megan Fox is the kind of name you give yourself after deciding that Slapper McFannytits doesn’t quite get the message across with enough punch. Then there’s the way she looks – Megan Fox is the FHM world’s sexiest woman, a title she snatched from previous winners like Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson and 2002’s surprise winner, a greased-up block of ham in a bikini and a sexy wig.

But most of all, though, we’re convinced that Megan Fox is a robot because she only ever talks about sex. Ever. Literally ever. Her factory setting appears to be a constant monologue about her own naked body, and we hear that rather than get her to memorise actual lines, Michael Bay just cut and pasted all of Megan Fox’s Transformers dialogue from a three-hour discussion about how perky and soft her boobs are.

All of that isn’t enough for Megan Fox, though. Which is presumably why she’s gallivanting all over the place telling everyone that she’s a bit of a lesbian and she once had a thing for an east European lady stripper. Megan told GQ:

“She was sort of a tough badass, but she’d do these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads… I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl—Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands.”

Wow, that is sexy. Usually when Megan Fox sees a sexy girl she tends to either want to snap a duck’s beak off with a clamp and a hammer or jump up and down on a binbag full of puppies, but strangling a mountain ox with her bare hands? That’s a brand new level of sexiness we didn’t even know existed.

Let’s hope that Megan Fox has now reached the outer limits of her sexy-talk now, though, because it’s going to be so hard for her to top a printed discussion about a lesbian infatuation with a female stripper. Well, unless that story about her having a greased-up 10-day orgy with the cast of Gossip Girl, three donkeys and midget dressed up as a clown on a yacht shaped like a labia moored off the coast of the Micronesian island of Tittyhooker gets out.

We just pray for the sake of mankind that it doesn’t.