Freddy Krueger – he’s everyone’s favourite child murderer.

You would think his unhealthy desire to gruesomely kill every kid he comes in contact would be an unattractive quality.

But not Freddy – he’s the James Bond of child killers. Think about it. He likes to make a quip every time he kills someone, everyone he comes in contact with usually dies and he always gets the girl.

That makes him a kind of special agent for, er, some country that really has a problem with kids. Like, umm, Switzerland or something.

Anyone can kill – but can they do it in their dreams in a funny, slightly ironic way?

Nope, and that’s why Freddy rules.  His creative kills, usually related to a particular character’s flaw or part-time hobby, make him stand out among other serial hacks.

But which of his kills are the best? Well, hecklerspray has done some research and gone back through the entire Nightmare on Elm Street franchise to pick out our favourites.

And the those of you wincing at the thought, we are not glorifying violence – we are revelling in it.

Enjoy!

15. Harley and Me
Victim: Dan Jordan (Burr DeBenning)
A Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child

Take that Dan Jordan! Everyone knows motorbikes are dangerous. Not because you might fall off them or get hit, but because there is always the danger of somehow being fused into the bike itself in a particularly unpleasant and graphic way. The grisly death had to be edited for a theatrical release.

14. People who like Dungeons and Dragons deserve to get stabbed
Victim: Will Stanton (Ira Heiden)
A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors

Proof, if ever you needed it, that Dungeons and Dragons geeks can’t even fight in their dreams.

13. You are all my children now
Victim: Ron Grady
Nightmare on Elm Street 2

Judging by the fact we could not find any clip of this, it’s fair to say that not many people rate it. But for us, Ron Grady getting skewered like a hog up against the door was a pivotal moment of the series, mainly because it leads to Freddy’s ‘you are all my children now’ speech. We felt like we had finally found a father figure we could relate to.

12. You Can Check In, But You Can’t Check Out!
Victim: Debbie Stevens (Brooke Theiss)
A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master

Possibly, the most creative and grossest of all his kills. Enjoy!

11. Video Games Are Bad For Your Health
Victim: Spencer (Breckin Meyer)
Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare

Freddy once again shows what a good teacher he is by proving just how bad videogames can be for you.

10. You are what you eat
Victim: Greta (Erika Anderson)
A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child

Poor Greta suffered from an eating disorder – not any more.

9. Welcome to prime time, bitch!
Victim: Jennifer Rubin (Taryn White)
A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

Probably the funniest of the lot, as Jennifer finally lives her dream of getting on – or is that ‘in’ – TV.

8. First Blood
Victim: Tina Gray (Amanda Wyss)

A Nightmare On Elm Street

Tina’s death, in which she essentially is hacked to pieces while cavorting on the ceiling, really raised the roof – literally.

7. Wanna Suck Face?
Victim: Sheila Kopecky (Toy Newkirk)
A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master

Poor geeky Sheila has asthma, so Freddy tries to give her some good old TLC. Breath-taking.

6. Let’s Get High!
Victim: Taryn
A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors

Junkie thinks she can bring down Freddy by turning into a lesbian with a blade or something – Freddy instead gives her one last hit.

5. Super Freddy
Victim: Mark (Joe Seely)
A Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child

Freddy is not a fan of comic books.

4. How’s this for a wet dream?
Victim: Joey Crusel (Rodney Eastman)
A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master

Poor Joey is one horny dog.

3. Johnny Come Too Lately
Victim: Glen Lantz (Johnny Depp)
A Nightmare On Elm Street

Johnny Depp, before he was Johnny Depp, is put through the liquidiser.

2. If The Food Don’t Kill Ya, The Service Will
Victim: Rick
A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master

Poor Rick is turned into a meatball and devoured by Freddy.

1. Like A Puppet on a string
Victim: Phillip (Bradley Gregg)
A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

Without doubt the most gruesome and most creative of them all. Sheer brilliance.

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Timbaland and Timberlands.

Folded:

• OK Go video for This Too Shall Pass (not so much with the music, but a great band for giving you something to watch)
• New trailer for A Nightmare On Elm Street remake (Jackie Earle Haley is a very scary man)
• eBay disputes for buyers (no matter how precise the seller’s listing, how well packaged the item, PayPal will always find in your favour. If you have the time, make it a game. Buy some used boots and claim they’ve been worn)
• Pizza Hut Teriyaki Japanizza (it’s a Japanese takeaway – on a pizza!)
• BBC (really smart to cut funds in internet coverage and minority programming. Now we can all sit back as they get a good kicking in the press. Which after Coming of Age they thoroughly deserve)

Creased:

• Alice in Wonderland (seems nobody’s that keen, and we’re no exception)
• PS3 owners (for about 24 hours we didn’t feel so smug about the ‘three rings of doom’ all of a sudden)
• Question Time for ‘first time voters’ (as pointless an exercise as with the grown ups, only with added guff about Amnesty International and the environment)
• Pizza Hut Teriyaki Japanizza (it’s a Japanese takeaway on a pizza)
• Sony (not big on apologies. Or explanations)

You would think the movie-going public had something against horny teenage girls.

Why else would slasher movies – which basically revel in killing them off – be so popular? We just can’t get enough of them. Mind you, it’s not only the cheerleader types that usually end up in body bags. There’s the jocks, of course. Then the nerds. Leaving the weird loner types to usually save the day.

We are sure this has some kind of social significance and insight into Western culture, but we are a snarky entertainment site, for God’s sake. We are not here to educate.

No, what we are here to do is make completely random lists. And we cannot think of a better one than the top 26 slasher movies. But what exactly is a slasher movie?

Well, according to Wikipedia, that well-known source of all things accurate, a slasher movie is: ‘a  sub-genre of horror, typically involving a psychopathic killer (usually wearing a mask) who stalks and graphically murders a series of mostly adolescent victims in a typically random, unprovoked fashion, killing many within a single night.’

And that is just about good enough for us. So, enjoy!

26. The Prowler (1981)

The best movie ever about a killer dressed in S&M gear who hates dancers. Or something like that.

25. Stagefright (1987)

Acting can be murder sometimes. Just ask Keanu Reeves.

24. Hatchet (2007)

A recent movie that did not get the hype it deserved. Has some of the most astonishing movie deaths we have ever seen.

23. Psycho (1960)

OK, so it does not involve teenagers in a camp, but it is certainly a slasher movie.

22. Happy Birthday to Me (1981)

Proof kebabs really are bad for you.

21. Last House on The Left (1972)

A classic from horror master Wes Craven. Contains some of the disturbed scenes ever committed to film.

20. Candyman (1992)

Oh, and candy can also be very bad for you too.

19. Pieces (1982)

Grisly little-known horror flick that is worth a look. Just be prepared to feel a little sick.

18. House On Sorority Row (1983)

A group of sorority sisters are stalked and murdered one by one in their sorority house while throwing a party to celebrate their graduation. Nice.

17. Madman (1981)

After being told if not to repeat the name of the local psycho as it would mean he would appear and hack all of you to bits, what would you do?

16. Terror Train (1980)

Forget the rubbish remake, Terror Train is classic horror. A must-see.

15. Alice, Sweet Alice (1976)

14. Black Christmas (1974)

We’ve all had crap Christmases, but it could be worse…

13. Final Destination (2000)

See, making death (or the grim reaper) the baddie, really is not fair.

12. The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

Proof remakes, when done well, really can work.

11. April Fool’s Day (1986)

Some people really take the whole April Fool’s Day thing a little too far.

10. Suspiria (1977)

Horror legend Dario Argento‘s greatest movie.

9. Child’s Play (1988)

We were tempted to put Bride of Chucky in, but stuck with the original.

8. I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)

Buffy, Jennifer Love Hewitt and the fisherman from death – now that really is enough to get you hooked.

7. My Bloody Valentine (1981)

Rated by Quentin Tarantino as the ‘greatest slasher movie of all time’. What does he know about movies?

6. The Burning (1981)

We don’t care what anyone says – this is a brilliant movie. So there.

5. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Really uncomfortable viewing – which is usually a good sign of a decent horror flick.

4. Scream (1996)

Breathed new life into the slasher movie genre.

3. Nightmare on Elm Street: Part 1 (1984)

We just can’t get enough of child murderers.

2. Friday 13th: Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

The best in the series.

1. Halloween (1978)

Simply the best.

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Nightmare On Elm Street was a decent enough film, but there's one thing it lacked – loads of dull 50-minute exploding car chases soundtracked by endless Linkin Park songs.

But it's OK, because Michael Bay has decided to produce a new Nightmare On Elm Street movie, so we're sure that'll be rectified shortly.

And if we cross our fingers really tight, maybe the new Nightmare On Elm Street will feature a new version of Freddy Krueger who breakdances and speaks in childish Ebonics because he learnt how to communicate through the internet. Fun!

If there's one thing that Michael Bay loves, it's picking something you liked as a child, throwing it on the floor in front of you and smashing up under his foot, laughing and pointing at you as it happens. That's what happened when Michael Bay turned Transformers into a knockabout teen comedy featuring at least two piss jokes and an ending that showed some giant robots staring at two teenagers having sex on top of another robot.

But that's just the tip of the Michael Bay iceberg – his movie Pearl Harbour was so bad that we expect it angered any old US veterans who saw it for sullying their pleasant memories of the brutal atrocity. And Bad Boys II must rank alone as the only thing in history to make people nostalgic for the good old days of Bad Boys I.

And now Michael Bay has decided to work his special kind of magic over Nightmare On Elm Street, the daddy of the slasher movie that made an icon out of a pancake-faced murderer in a Pete Doherty hat. Hollywood Today reports:

Fans who thought the “Nightmare on Elm Street” was over better think again. Production companies Platinum Dunes and New Line, which established itself as a hit-maker after the initial success of the first “Nightmare,” are hoping to breathe new life into the series… With the on-going WGA strike, no scribes are signed-on to the new project, but producers Michael Bay, Brad Fuller, and Andrew Form revealed that their intent is to uncover the history behind Krueger.

That's great – the history behind Freddy Krueger. It'll be just like that witless Halloween remake from last year, then. Maybe we'll discover that Freddy Krueger went bad because he was bullied at school, or because his little sister consistently got a better age at Wii Sports than him. These are the precise things that drive people to murder and rape, after all.

But kudos to Michael Bay for deciding to remake it. Because it'll certainly be challenging for him to ruin a film that's already been ruined by seven increasingly shit sequels. So Michael Bay is really going to have to pull his thumb out if he wants to properly destroy everyone's memory of Nightmare On Elm Street properly. After all, he's got this to contend with.

Topping that will be a tough job, but if anyone can do it, it'll be Michael Bay. We believe in you, Michael.

Read more:

Freddy Krueger Back From the Dead, Elm Street Worries – Hollywood Today