Articles tagged with: Nicole Kidman
Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is
Hunting high and low. Folded: Legendary Usain Bolt on Top Gear (runs fast, drives fast, and all this on a diet of Chicken Nuggets. Fact) Music on Rabbit Chat and Date (okay so most of it’s keyboard crap, but one of the tracks does sound a bit like Tub Scene ...
Hunting high and low. Folded: Legendary Usain Bolt on Top Gear (runs fast, drives fast, and all this on a diet of Chicken Nuggets. Fact) Music on Rabbit Chat and Date (okay so most of it’s keyboard crap, but one of the tracks does sound a bit like Tub Scene ...
Wordless Nicole Kidman Tells Aboriginal Male Culture To Stick It Up Their Didgeridoo
Nicole Kidman, of who it's long been known hates all cultures except that one from wherever she's from (we think its Iceland), absolutely hates everything about Australia. She hates Australia's Outback, she hates Australia's kangaroos, and perhaps most perplexing of all, she only has nice things to say about the country's gaping ozone hole. THAT THING IS KILLING PEOPLE, NICOLE! The final alleged anti-Australian blow that Kidman's PR people should really get on is the way she hates Aborigines and all they stand for - especially their musical instruments that are sacredly reserved for the lips of men, but that she likes to puff on anyway.
Nicole Kidman, of who it's long been known hates all cultures except that one from wherever she's from (we think its Iceland), absolutely hates everything about Australia. She hates Australia's Outback, she hates Australia's kangaroos, and perhaps most perplexing of all, she only has nice things to say about the country's gaping ozone hole. THAT THING IS KILLING PEOPLE, NICOLE! The final alleged anti-Australian blow that Kidman's PR people should really get on is the way she hates Aborigines and all they stand for - especially their musical instruments that are sacredly reserved for the lips of men, but that she likes to puff on anyway.
Nicole Kidman: Transsexual
Nicole Kidman has made flops for five years, so now she's going to change that - by making a film about Nicole Kidman's penis. According to reports, Nicole Kidman has signed up to play Einar Wegener - the world's first male-to-female post-op transsexual - in a movie adaptation of the novel The Danish Girl. It sounds like playing Wegener could be the biggest gamble of Nicole Kidman's career, but we're certain that she'll cope with it. Why? Two reasons. Firstly, Nicole Kidman's face is now so unsettlingly immobile that at least if she has a penis flapping about between her legs we'll be able to know when she's sexually aroused, which is one more identifiable emotion than she's been able to convincingly deliver recently. Secondly, Nicole Kidman knows about getting your dick removed - she did get divorced from Tom Cruise, remember.
Nicole Kidman has made flops for five years, so now she's going to change that - by making a film about Nicole Kidman's penis. According to reports, Nicole Kidman has signed up to play Einar Wegener - the world's first male-to-female post-op transsexual - in a movie adaptation of the novel The Danish Girl. It sounds like playing Wegener could be the biggest gamble of Nicole Kidman's career, but we're certain that she'll cope with it. Why? Two reasons. Firstly, Nicole Kidman's face is now so unsettlingly immobile that at least if she has a penis flapping about between her legs we'll be able to know when she's sexually aroused, which is one more identifiable emotion than she's been able to convincingly deliver recently. Secondly, Nicole Kidman knows about getting your dick removed - she did get divorced from Tom Cruise, remember.
Nicole Kidman Kind Of Likes Being A Mother, Mostly
Nicole Kidman isn't a traditional Hollywood star - for instance, rather than make one film that everyone loves, she'll make ten films that everyone hates. And this fierce sense of anti-establishment also includes the way she raises her daughter. When most moviestars have children, for example, they'll sell pictures of the baby to a magazine for millions of dollars. But not that's not how Nicole Kidman rolls. Similarly when most moviestars have children, they'll give interviews about how great it feels to be a mother and how wonderful their child is. But, again, Nicole Kidman doesn't roll that way - which is why in her first big interview since the birth of her child, Nicole Kidman didn't seem to do much except for shriek about how she doesn't want to die and how she can't stop crying. Attagirl, Nicole.
Nicole Kidman isn't a traditional Hollywood star - for instance, rather than make one film that everyone loves, she'll make ten films that everyone hates. And this fierce sense of anti-establishment also includes the way she raises her daughter. When most moviestars have children, for example, they'll sell pictures of the baby to a magazine for millions of dollars. But not that's not how Nicole Kidman rolls. Similarly when most moviestars have children, they'll give interviews about how great it feels to be a mother and how wonderful their child is. But, again, Nicole Kidman doesn't roll that way - which is why in her first big interview since the birth of her child, Nicole Kidman didn't seem to do much except for shriek about how she doesn't want to die and how she can't stop crying. Attagirl, Nicole.
Nicole Kidman’s Hatred Of Scientology Inspired Stupid Baby Name, Source
Now that Nicole Kidman has finally achieved her life's goal and given birth to a baby, we can all concentrate on why she gave it such a crappy name. And actually it seems like there's quite a simple answer - Nicole Kidman decided to name her new daughter Sunday Rose because she really, really hates Scientology. Apparently. You see, Nicole Kidman is a Catholic and Sundays are important to Catholics, but not important to Scientologists, and she used to be a Scientologist, so she called the baby Sunday as a sort of painfully oblique jab at Scientology. See? Insulted, Tom Cruise has vowed to even the score by naming his next child after something that's important to Scientology, meaning that in a few years we can all say hello to little Unnecessarily Litigious Cruise or Unsettling Public Image Cruise.
Now that Nicole Kidman has finally achieved her life's goal and given birth to a baby, we can all concentrate on why she gave it such a crappy name. And actually it seems like there's quite a simple answer - Nicole Kidman decided to name her new daughter Sunday Rose because she really, really hates Scientology. Apparently. You see, Nicole Kidman is a Catholic and Sundays are important to Catholics, but not important to Scientologists, and she used to be a Scientologist, so she called the baby Sunday as a sort of painfully oblique jab at Scientology. See? Insulted, Tom Cruise has vowed to even the score by naming his next child after something that's important to Scientology, meaning that in a few years we can all say hello to little Unnecessarily Litigious Cruise or Unsettling Public Image Cruise.
Nicole Kidman Thwumps Out Her Semi-Cowboy Baby
This is a joyous day, a momentous occasion that will change the world forever - it's the day when Nicole Kidman can stop whining about not having any babies.
That's right, Nicole Kidman has given birth to her baby, a little girl she's inexplicably decided to call Sunday Rose. Nicole Kidman's new daughter was born in Nashville yesterday morning, and other than that details are vague - for instance, we don't know if Sunday Rose takes after her mother and has ginger hair and an immobile face, or her father and is an alcoholic.
Best of all, we're almost completely certain that this report is 100% accurate and not an Angelina Jolie-style hoax because, well, who cares about Nicole Kidman enough to make up lies about her?
Nicole Kidman Wants You To Stop Punching Women In The Face
Nicole Kidman is married to an alcoholic country singer. She also fierce campaigns to end violence towards women. These two facts are completely unrelated. And yesterday Nicole Kidman went to the United Nations headquarters in New York to further her cause. Speaking in front of the world's media, Nicole Kidman told the world's press about her commitment to the campaign. With the help of world governments and the United Nations, Nicole Kidman said, within ten years she can meet her target of having 75% of the world's females married off to alcoholic country singers. What? Nicole Kidman was actually talking about the violence towards women thing? Oh, what a hilarious misunderstanding.
Nicole Kidman is married to an alcoholic country singer. She also fierce campaigns to end violence towards women. These two facts are completely unrelated. And yesterday Nicole Kidman went to the United Nations headquarters in New York to further her cause. Speaking in front of the world's media, Nicole Kidman told the world's press about her commitment to the campaign. With the help of world governments and the United Nations, Nicole Kidman said, within ten years she can meet her target of having 75% of the world's females married off to alcoholic country singers. What? Nicole Kidman was actually talking about the violence towards women thing? Oh, what a hilarious misunderstanding.
Nicole Kidman’s Face Is Extremely Bat-Like
She may as well hang it up though, because now she looks exactly like a large-browed bat. It's unknown whether or not she flies around blindly eating insects at night, but if what her face looks like now means anything, then surely she does. Plus, through most of Bewitched we think she had a squished mosquito stuck to her enamel.
Nicole Kidman looks like a hideous clean-shaven bat. She really does. Don't be down on us for saying it - we're just passing along news. It's a doctor what said it. Then we realised it was true.
When Nicole Kidman starred in BMX Bandits, the world truly was her oyster. She was beautiful, she was fresh, and watching those two Australian bicyclists repeatedly steal ice cream cones from that fat kid was funny as funny can be.
She may as well hang it up though, because now she looks exactly like a large-browed bat. It's unknown whether or not she flies around blindly eating insects at night, but if what her face looks like now means anything, then surely she does. Plus, through most of Bewitched we think she had a squished mosquito stuck to her enamel.
Nicole Kidman looks like a hideous clean-shaven bat. She really does. Don't be down on us for saying it - we're just passing along news. It's a doctor what said it. Then we realised it was true.
