Nick Lachey - HecklerSpray

Jessica Simpson Finally Got Her Fiance To Marry Her

July 8th, 2014 By Megan Leitch

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure a wedding day would ever come for Jessica Simpson with her baby daddy/fianc? Eric Johnson.? In case buying her own engagement ring wasn’t enough of a rocky start, they’ve thrown in having a couple of babies (adorable babies, mind you), and have let a few years go by with no movement forward.

But gold digging wannabe men everywhere, don’t lose hope!? The day finally arrived, Eric Johnson has secured himself a lifetime of spousal support, and Jessica can go back to pretending she didn’t peak during his marriage to Nick Lachey.

It’s 1999 And There Is A Boy Band Beef Brewing

March 20th, 2014 By Megan Leitch

Nick Lachey was on a late night talk show (on cable, nothing fancy) still trying to bring some relevance to himself.? Since he doesn’t get enough attention for hosting a mediocre singing competition, he decided to drudge up a little decades old fight between his band and another shitty ass group of has beens.

Oh, and I take back the line about the competition being mediocre.? Have you guys heard Pentatonix?? That a capella shit is my jam.

10 Horrible Celebrity Marriages That Shouldn’t Have Happened

January 12th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

In the last two weeks, Kaley Cuoco married a guy that she dated for about an hour and Hilary Duff split up with her weird looking husband after three years of marriage. What do these things have in common? Well, technically, nothing other than the fact that both Kaley and Hilary are blond starlets that married athletes, but I have no desire in writing about female stars who get wetties for athletes.

Nope, what they have in common that I’m interested in is the fact that both Hilary and Kaley’s marriages were ones that probably should’ve waited. Hilary was only 23 when she got married, which is super young by today’s standards, and I’ve had heartburn longer than Kaley knew her husband. People in Hollywood have a lot of money, which means they often blow it on stupid shit like getting married without thinking about it. Sometimes they get married too young and sometimes they get married too quickly after being with someone. And we all know how that ends up going for them.

Pete Wentz Is Back! Wait… Who?

January 27th, 2011 By Kris Silver

The organisers of Hard Rock Calling, that sort of festival like thing that happens in Hyde Park every summer that isn't the O2 Wireless festival, have decided that former Fall Out Boy bassist and pioneer of the musical equivalent of object d?, Pete Wentz, is a suitable choice for a battle of the bands judge.

Right? RIGHT?

If you're lucky enough to have forgotten the mid noughties, here?s a crash course in all things Pete Wentz:

Nick Lachey & Vanessa Minnillo Split! Look Interested!

June 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Why, God, why? It was bad enough that you split Jon and Kate up. But Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo too? You sick omniscient sod.

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo were our favourite celebrity couple. We loved how we could never work out what either of them did, and how they’d probably spend entire months awkwardly staring at each other in total silence because they’d both forgotten the word for ‘hello’. But no more – Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo have split up.

Why? Perhaps they just forgot that the other one existed. We do that all the time with them.

Nick Lachey’s New Reality Show: Now With More Spontaneous Dancing!

March 13th, 2008 By hecklerspray staff

You know it’s over, don’t you? The diseased entity of reality TV has come to an end, because there is nothing new that can be done.

All reality show topics have been covered, asphyxiated, beaten to a bloody, lifeless pulp and thrown into the East River. Oh, wait. That’s just the blissful recurring dream we keep having. Yeah, no, the reality TV thing is pumping out more hopeless poppycock than ever. Today’s proof of that is the new reality series Nick Lachey has in the works for MTV. It’s pretty much High School Musical with artsy musical type kids spontaneously bursting into song and dance in real life.

So, yeah, essentially your worst nightmare comes roaring to life.

Everyone Jessica Simpson’s Ever Shagged Wins An Award

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

To be in a relationship with Jessica Simpson isn't just to admit to a perverse life-long infatuation with bright orange, massive-jawed women, you know.

By the looks of it, as soon as your penis gets anywhere near to Jessica Simpson, Cosmopolitan magazine lobs a Fun Fearless Male award at you too.

Yesterday's Fun Fearless Male award luncheon in New York was attended by John Mayer (who did it with Jessica Simpson), Tony Romo (who's doing it with Jessica Simpson) and Dane Cook (who might have done it with Jessica Simpson). Factor in the fact that last year's winner was Jessica Simpson's ex-husband Nick Lachey and you may as well rename the caboodle The Fun, Fearless And Suddenly Quite Paranoid About The Size Of Their Penis awards.

Nick Lachey & Vanessa Minnillo Not Especially Married

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

As we all know, the day that Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo get married will be the day that global warming reverses, all wars stop and mankind lives peacefully under its new kind-hearted demi-god rulers.

Either that or MTV will just cynically lob out a crappy spoon-fed reality TV show about all the zany, slightly staged-looking shenanigans that Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo get up to. One or the other. We can't remember which. Anyway, that doesn't matter for now, because Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo aren't married despite a flurry of rumours that their wedding was due to take place this weekend. But, hey, let's not get too downhearted because Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo didn't get married – we're not so much losing a wedding here as mercifully gaining another week without seeing Nick and Vanessa gurning out from the cover of an OK! magazine wedding special like a couple of wrong morons.