As luck would have it, that’s exactly what Hulk Hogan’s son Nick Bollea has been wishing for in public all week. He’s been desperate to get out of the solitary confinement cell that he’s been kept in since he went to prison almost a month ago.

And now, even though a judge ignored his pleas earlier in the week, Nick Bollea has been moved into a communal cell, where he’ll get to experience all the heady delights that prison has to offer when you’re a 17-year-old boy doing time for crashing a wildly expensive supercar and your resentful cellmates have had to give up some of their precious personal space just so they can accommodate a spoilt little rich boy.

That Nick Bollea. He doesn’t know he’s born. For almost a month he enjoyed the best that jail had to offer – solitary confinement. It sounds perfect, doesn’t it? No awkward fake machismo-filled interactions with badly-tattooed inmates to try and find your place in the prison hierarchy. No worrying that people will see your balls when you’re shitting into a bucket. All the slot-shaped food you can eat. Lovely – if we ever went to prison, we’d want solitary too.

But nooo, solitary confinement’s not good enough for Nick Bollea, which is why he’s spent all week bitching and moaning about all the crippling anxiety that being shut in a room alone for 23 hours a day is causing him.

Nick’s been trying his hardest to get busted out of solitary, but it was all to no avail – just the other day a judge overturned his request to move out. But then yesterday, as if by magic, it happened – Nick Bollea was shifted out of his dark little fortress of solitute and into a slightly bigger fortress of public masturbation and physical intimidation. ABC reports:

Deputies at a west Florida jail have transferred Hulk Hogan’s son out of solitary confinement into a communal cell. Seventeen-year-old Nick Bollea is now sharing living space with three other juvenile inmates. Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office spokeswoman Cecilia Barreda says housing assignments are routinely reviewed because the jail’s population constantly changes. That created an opportunity to house juveniles together.

Of course – Nick Bollea’s move is all down to the cell’s previous inmate getting released. Or getting moved to hospital because he was beaten up so brutally by his three mentally unstable cellmates. Or slashing his wrists and dying just to free himself from the unending pain of life as a juvenile prisoner. One of the three. Hooray! Well done Nick!

And with this battle won, Nick Bollea will be pumped up and confident ahead of his next fight with the prison officials – getting some curtains fitted in the cell. Nice ones, though – he doesn’t want anything clashing with his skin tone, does he, the little lamb.

Hecklerspray has never been to prison, but we expect the favourite song of all the inmates to be “Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad boys. Whatcha want, whatcha want whatcha gonna do, when sheriff John Brown come for you? Tell me whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna dooo Yeaheah.”

Try telling that to the wimpy son of the most famous wearer of the homoerotic moustache-wearing wrestler Hulk Hogan. Nick Bollea recently got put in to the slammer for driving like an irresponsible twat and buggering up the life of his passenger John Graziano.

Has Nick Bollea taken his punishment like a man? Of course not. He ripped off his lemon-coloured vest and demanded to be given a friendly rapist of a roommate. All because he was feeling lonely.

People often say that famous people tend to get favourable treatment to get nicer cells or an early release. The Hogans know this, and in a leaked tape, it appears that the Hulkster is giving his twat of a son tips on how to gain sympathy.

It obviously didn’t work.

The answer to that is in solitary confinement. Nick Bollea has seen his attempt to be moved out of solitary at Pinellas County Jail overturned by a judge, meaning that for the foreseeable future, all of Nick Bollea’s meals will be fed to him through a slot in the door.

But Nick Bollea will get no sympathy from us. Spending everyday stuck indoors alone? Craving human interaction of any kind? Forgetting what sunlight looks like? Trying hopelessly to entertain yourself just to pass the time? Eating crap food? Come on, that’s practically what we do for a living.

As Hulk Hogan’s son, Nick Bollea must be pretty used to getting his way. Not because people are intimidated by his father’s strength and physical presence, you understand, but because they don’t want to waste a couple of hours watching an old man marching round in circles ripping his clothes and extravagantly feigning deafness in the mistaken belief that it proves a point.

But, as Nick Bollea has discovered, not even having a roidy-looking saveloy-coloured father can help him with some things. For instance, since it doesn’t have the facilities to properly cope with juvenile prisoners, 17-year-old Nick Bollea has been forced to spend the eight months he was sentenced to for felony reckless driving in an adult prison’s maximum security solitary confinement.

And this made Nick Bollea sad, because he didn’t want to be kept in solitary confinement. He wanted a roommate, maybe a screaming heroin addict in withdrawal or a twitchy wifebeater or something fun like that. Better yet, he wanted to go home and spend the rest of his sentence in the desolate surroundings of his parents’ multi-million dollar Florida mansion.

Not going to happen. A judge has overturned the motion to get Nick out of solitary confinement, meaning that he’ll have to suffer through the rest of the eight months eating slot-shaped food and slowly falling in love with his own chair. People reports:

A judge refused Tuesday to release Hulk Hogan’s son from solitary confinement, where the teen is serving a sentence for felony reckless driving. In a three-sentence order, Judge Philip J. Federico denied a motion filed Monday by attorneys for Nick Bollea, 17, claiming the confinement was “cruel and unusual punishment.” The judge did not disclose his reasons for the decision.

It’s a kick in the teeth for Nick Bollea, but it’s not the end of the world completely. We’re sure after eight months of being on his own, Nick will have developed all kinds of skills that he didn’t have before – like shadow-puppetry, the ability to heal injured birds and an impressively efficient masturbation technique. He’ll have gone to prison a boy, but he’ll come out of it a man.

A creepy man with an irrational fear of sunlight who mutters cursewords to himself, granted, but a man nonetheless.

Hulk Hogan’s son Nick Bollea isn’t getting any of that at the moment, despite being sentenced to eight months in jail for crashing his car and putting his friend in a care home forever. Sure, Nick Bollea is actually in jail at the moment, but he’s in solitary.

Because his jail can’t accommodate minors properly, Nick Bollea has to spend all day on his own in a tiny cell where his meals are passed to him through a slot in the door. It can’t be much fun for Nick Bollea to be kept alone with his thoughts, mostly because he’s only ever had one thought and that was in 1998 and, to be fair, it was more of a nonspecific gurgle than anything you could say was grounded in cognitive perception.

Cars are the Hogans downfall. Well, cars and – in Huk Hogan’s case - Andre The Giant. But mainly cars. Just recently Brooke Hogan was in a car crash, and prior to that Linda Hogan drew some controversy for appearing in a drag racing video and bragging about how she likes to drive dangerously. And then there’s Hulk Hogan’s son Nick Bollea.

Right now Nick Bollea is serving an eight-month jail sentence for flipping his car into a tree on a wet road at speed last August in a crash that left his friend John Graziano in need of constant medical care for the rest of his life and his friend’s family ready to sue the bejesus out of the Hogans.

However, all isn’t going well. As a 17-year-old, Nick Bollea should really be kept in a low-security young offender’s institute with table tennis and waterslides and a prison guard dressed as a squirrel dishing out toffee apples and candyfloss three times a day. But he isn’t.

Nick Bollea is actually in Pinellas County Jail, a grim-looking facility full of grown-up prisoners who, if you gave them a toffee apple, would kill you in 58 different ways with it by the second verse of the Happy Squirrelly Apple Song. And, as such, Nick Bollea is being kept in solitary confinement there. According to People, he wants out:

Bollea, 17, spends 16 to 17 hours a day in a maximum security cell in a Florida jail where his food is delivered through a slot in the door. “Understandably, this situation creates an unbearable anxiety for a minor in solitary confinement,” the papers say. The confinement at Pinellas County Jail, according to his lawyers, “substantially amounts to cruel and unusual punishment for a juvenile and is not warranted for a non-violent first offender serving a probation sentence.”

Of course, it’s difficult to remember that Nick Bollea is just a juvenile – partly because the genetic misfortune of having a professional wrestler father and a mother who looks like a man has left him looking about 40 years old already, and partly because he crashed an obscenely expensive supercar into a sodding tree a year ago.

But a juvenile is what he is and, as such, his lawyers are proposing that he’s moved from solitary confinement to some kind of monitored home confinement scenario.

That’s bound to teach Nick a lesson, isn’t it? Being kept in his sprawling Florida mansion, where his every whim can be catered for, listening to his Dad have relentless noisy sex with a girl 35 years his junior every hour of the… actually, come to think of it, that’s far worse than solitary. Bleugh.

So who can blame Hulk Hogan's son Nick Bollea for going off the rails a little bit? After all, Nick's just doing what normal teenagers do, pushing at the boundaries by occasionally drinking or getting interested in girls or… what's that? Nick Bollea rebelled by racing his Toyota at high speed on a wet road, flipping it into a tree-trunk and critically injuring his passenger? OK, admittedly that's something that a slightly smaller amount of teenagers do.

Anyway, long story short – Nick Bollea has been arrested for the crash and Hulk Hogan isn't very happy about it, so police should probably watch out for a bald geriatric man with ridiculous facial hair shouting "Whatcha gonna do?" at them until he gets tired and needs to sit down sometime soon.

Really this should be the happiest time of Hulk Hogan's life. After all, he's avoided the old wrestler fate of murdering his wife and children before committing suicide and found a new level of fame by starring in Hogan Knows Best and getting to present the new series of American Gladiators – but thanks to Hulk Hogan's son Nick Bollea, things aren't so rosy.

Because while 17-year-old Nick Bollea hasn't inherited his father's premature balding or weirdly saveloy-style arms, but he does seem to have inherited Hulk's need for danger. And this is something that manifested itself tragically on August 26 when Nick Hogan flipped his Toyota on a wet road and collided with a palm tree, a crash so serious that his passenger John Graziano will need to be cared for in a nursing home for the rest of his life.

And now police have decided that Nick Bollea's crash was enough to warrant an arrest for reckless driving involving serious bodily injury, and for Nick to be tried as an adult. The arrest prompted this statement from Hulk Hogan's lawyer:

"Nick and the entire 'Hogan' Bollea family are saddened that criminal charges have been filed in regards to the tragic single car accident on August 26, 2007. The family's primary focus and concern still remains for the continued recovery of Nick's longtime friend John Graziano. The Bolleas will also continue to stand by the Graziano family and help them in any way they can. The tragedy to both families is compounded by the fact that unfortunately John was not wearing his seatbelt. Thankfully, Nick was wearing his. Because of what happened to John, the entire Bollea family will make it a priority to increase public awareness about the importance of always wearing your seatbelt."

Much of the ensuing trial will focus on the speed at which Nick Bollea was driving and the conditions of the road at the time. Should it be proved that Nick's speeding caused the crash, there's a very strong chance that he'll be dealt some severe punishment.

But, aside from the arrest, possible jail sentence and crippling lifelong guilt at knowing that he's put a friend in a care home for the rest of his life, Nick Bollea should probably look on the bright side. After all, in terms of twattish celebrity offspring behaviour, flipping a car into the side of a tree must put Nick at least level with Rod Stewart's son now. And that's reason to be proud indeed.