Nick Bollea - HecklerSpray

Nick Bollea Is Free! Free! (Not Free)

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

They say you should always be careful what you wish for, especially if you wish to share a prison cell with three twitching teenage criminals.

As luck would have it, that’s exactly what Hulk Hogan‘s son Nick Bollea has been wishing for in public all week. He’s been desperate to get out of the solitary confinement cell that he’s been kept in since he went to prison almost a month ago.

And now, even though a judge ignored his pleas earlier in the week, Nick Bollea has been moved into a communal cell, where he’ll get to experience all the heady delights that prison has to offer when you’re a 17-year-old boy doing time for crashing a wildly expensive supercar and your resentful cellmates have had to give up some of their precious personal space just so they can accommodate a spoilt little rich boy.

Hooray! ‘Secret’ Phone Calls Between Nick And Hulk Hogan

March 24th, 2009 By Matthew Laidlow

Hecklerspray has never been to prison, but we expect the favourite song of all the inmates to be “Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad boys. Whatcha want, whatcha want whatcha gonna do, when sheriff John Brown come for you? Tell me whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna dooo Yeaheah.”

Try telling that to the wimpy son of the most famous wearer of the homoerotic moustache-wearing wrestler Hulk Hogan. Nick Bollea recently got put in to the slammer for driving like an irresponsible twat and buggering up the life of his passenger John Graziano.

Nick Bollea Loses Fight To Stop Being Fed Through Slots

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Hulk Hogan’s son Nick Bollea is having a string of rotten luck at the moment – car crashes, jail sentences, lawsuits, a startlingly mannish mother. Where will it end?

The answer to that is in solitary confinement. Nick Bollea has seen his attempt to be moved out of solitary at Pinellas County Jail overturned by a judge, meaning that for the foreseeable future, all of Nick Bollea’s meals will be fed to him through a slot in the door.

But Nick Bollea will get no sympathy from us. Spending everyday stuck indoors alone? Craving human interaction of any kind? Forgetting what sunlight looks like? Trying hopelessly to entertain yourself just to pass the time? Eating crap food? Come on, that’s practically what we do for a living.

Hulk Hogan’s Son In Solitary, Not Exactly Thrilled About It

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Being in jail can be a miserable experience, especially when you’re not allowed vital bonding time with the assorted rapists and murderers that count as your new flatmates.

Hulk Hogan‘s son Nick Bollea isn’t getting any of that at the moment, despite being sentenced to eight months in jail for crashing his car and putting his friend in a care home forever. Sure, Nick Bollea is actually in jail at the moment, but he’s in solitary.

Because his jail can’t accommodate minors properly, Nick Bollea has to spend all day on his own in a tiny cell where his meals are passed to him through a slot in the door. It can’t be much fun for Nick Bollea to be kept alone with his thoughts, mostly because he’s only ever had one thought and that was in 1998 and, to be fair, it was more of a nonspecific gurgle than anything you could say was grounded in cognitive perception.

Hulk Hogan’s Son Arrested For Crashing His Car Like A Git

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

If Hulk Hogan was your Dad, you'd probably rebel a little bit, mostly because you'd be sick of Hulk Hogan picking you up from parties and ripping his flimsy T-shirt off in front of everyone while feigning deafness in an exaggerated way.

So who can blame Hulk Hogan's son Nick Bollea for going off the rails a little bit? After all, Nick's just doing what normal teenagers do, pushing at the boundaries by occasionally drinking or getting interested in girls or… what's that? Nick Bollea rebelled by racing his Toyota at high speed on a wet road, flipping it into a tree-trunk and critically injuring his passenger? OK, admittedly that's something that a slightly smaller amount of teenagers do.

Anyway, long story short – Nick Bollea has been arrested for the crash and Hulk Hogan isn't very happy about it, so police should probably watch out for a bald geriatric man with ridiculous facial hair shouting "Whatcha gonna do?" at them until he gets tired and needs to sit down sometime soon.