But, according to hecklerspray financial analysts, that’s not entirely true if you’re a newborn Jolie-Pitt twin.

Having the mayor of Nice welcome little Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt into the world is worth roughly the equivalent of four of each of the adopted Jolie-Pitt children, a baker’s dozen Suri Cruises, 237 giant panda twins born to Gou Gou last week, or over one thousand of any of the Spears‘ spawn, especially the illegitimate one. All of which are quite surprisingly positive values considering the detrimental impact of oil prices on the economy as of late.

You probably think that a baby is officially born once it emerges from the mother’s womb, all slimy and screaming, gasping its first breaths of life, right?

Well, you’re wrong if you think that, because for a birth to be official, the mayor if Nice has to come out wagging birth certificates and blabbing on about babies being born in his town. This is good if you’re newborn Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt, because the mayor of Nice officially welcomed them into the world yesterday. Mayor Christian Estrosi made the following statement yesterday:

“It’s a pride to Nice and all its citizens. On behalf of the inhabitants of Nice, I congratulate the happy parents, the most famous couple of the world who have chosen our city for this happy event.”

Estrosi also displayed the birth certificates, which provided thrilling items such as Brad Pitt’s initials, the time of birth, and other annoying details that you are forced to endure when someone you know has a baby and you have to pleasantly tolerate obnoxious facts that apply to almost every newborn baby in the entire world like, “he came out with a full head of hair,” or “he looks just like his parents,” or “have you seen how much he poops?”

So, congrats on the Jolie-Pitt babies being officially born. Now the umbilical cords can be cut, and the Jolie-Pitt clan can divide into evenly-numbered biological vs. adopted children and fight to the death for their parents love. Go team adopted!

The mayor of Nice, where Angelina Jolie plans to give birth to her twins, has announced that he's made the unborn tots honourary citizens of the town for the rest of their lives.

What that basically means is that Angelina Jolie's unborn twins now have the right to be treated like French people wherever they are in the world. They'll feel at home no matter what they do – whether it's discussing Sartre over coffee, indulging in some of the world's finest gastronomy or walking around British historical cities really slowly in a huge crowd wearing purple trousers and garish rucksacks and refusing to get out of your way despite your obvious annoyance.

We're really starting to get ticked off with Angelina Jolie's unborn babies, and it's completely down to rampant jealousy. In a few weeks the babies will be born and they'll inevitably get paid millions of dollars by People magazine to roll around on their backs wearing nappies while a man takes pictures of them. But when we try to send People magazine pictures of us rolling round on our backs wearing only a nappy, we get threatened with an arrest. It's not fair.

It's not just that, though – the twins will have more money than us, they'll be more famous than us, they'll be more attractive than us… honestly, if we didn't know that we could pick one of the babies up and hurl it onto the roof of a three storey building but they couldn't do the same to us, we'd be distraught.

And now, to make matters worse, the mayor of Nice has decided to prenatally appoint Angelina Jolie's twins honourary citizens of the city simply because that's where Angelina Jolie wanted to give birth to them. Monsters And Critics reports:

Nice's mayor Christian Estrosi is ecstatic that the Jolie-Pitts are birthing in his city. "That is for the citizens of Nice a very great honor and a great satisfaction… We are very happy for this choice of Mrs. Angelina Jolie and Mr. Brad Pitt and I want to say to them that I wish a lot of joy to them and the babies, and great success for all of their lives. All their lives they will be Nicois and all their life they will be able to come to Nice and we will receive them with great honor."

Now we're not entirely sure what it means for Angelina Jolie's kids to be Nicois – other than that they'll go delicious with a lovely boiled egg – but we're sure they'll both appreciate the honour once they've grown up a bit.

And this is fabulous work for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, too. They famously like to have a different Christmas for each of their adopted children so that the kids never lose their original cultural identity. And now they'll get to have a special French Christmas every year, too – it's kind of like the Christmas we enjoy, only everyone tries as hard as they can to look as if they're not really enjoying it.

Anyway, on hearing this news we've decided we're going to boycott France from now on – because as well as Angelina Jolie's babies, Russell Crowe's last kid has been given given the French treatment as well.

Listen, if we're going to France, we don't want to be treated like shit because a spoilt Hollywood child with a Mickey Mouse citizenship has ordered its bodyguards to throw us off a park bench whenever its feet are getting sore – we want to be treated like shit because of an ingrained nationwide sense of cultural superiority. Is that too much to ask?