Niall Horan - HecklerSpray

HecklerSpray Advent Day 12: Big Year For the Guys of One Direction

December 12th, 2017 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

When I heard that One Direction was splitting up so they could all work on their solo projects, all I could think was “lol k, because we all know how well that went for every guy from a boy band other than Justin Timberlake.” But those handsome bastards ALL proved me wrong!

In 2017, you could not turn on pop radio without hearing one of the guys from One Direction and they ALL had hits! I reeeealllly just thought it was going to be Zayn Malik because he left the group first, but boy was I wrong!

Shocker: A Kid From 1D Was Able to Steal Ed Sheeran’s Girl

September 10th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Ed Sheeran: Voice of an angel, face of a hobbit, but still somehow able to briefly bag mega babe, Ellie Goulding. In case you missed it, as it was so short lived, last year, Ed Sheeran and Ellie Goulding were momentarily a very talented couple. However, it quickly ended and people began to speculate that it was because she cheated on him with one his pals from teen dream super group, One Direction.

Now, when I first heard about this I thought “No way. No way would a woman cheat on a lovable little pudgy ginger like Ed with an insanely sexy teen from One Direction who makes even grown ass women like myself melt. Impossible.” In case things are getting lost in internet translation: I’m being sarcastic.

Top 10 Most Absurd Celebrity Crap Sold For Ridiculous Amounts of Money

September 3rd, 2013 By Chris Chambers

Mick Jagger’s hair clippings were sold at auction last week for $6,000. Now, you have to wonder about?a person who will spend thousands of dollars for a celebrity’s hair clippings.?Mick?is a legend, obviously,?and I love him?as much as anyone, but I wouldn’t pay $6 for his nasty split ends, much less $6,000.?And what about?$100,000?for a half-eaten piece of toast? It’s pretty fucking troubling.

Of course, there are varying degrees of consumer perversity involved. Some of the auctioned?items on this particular list?were willingly provided by the celebrities and the?proceeds given to charities. And that’s nice, it really is, but it doesn’t answer the question of what kind of fucking weirdo wants Scarlett Johansson’s boogery tissue? Even if you got it for free, why would you want it? She’s lovely, yes, but snot is snot and it’s all gross, no matter how lovely the nose from which it was ejected.

Caroline Flack Determined To Have Most Awful Sexual History Ever (Really? Olly Murs?)

December 12th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Death-threats have dogged Caroline Flack since everyone found out she’s allegedly been shagging Harry Styles from One Direction. Fans are furious and the rest of the world is doing small vomits in their mouths.

That’s because Harry Styles is a veritable child. He’s 17 and she’s 408 years old.

Of course, the Xtra Factor host isn’t phased by all the wrung hands, furrowed brows and deafening dry-heaves. That’s because she’s apparently already had sex with Olly Murs, which is worse than enjoying intercourse with Robert Mugabe and Genghis Khan’s corpse.

Caroline Flack Doesn’t Think Having Sex With One Direction Teenagers Is Disgusting At All

December 6th, 2011 By Joanna Bolouri

Xtra Factor host Caroline Flack has finally broken her silence over bouncy haired One Direction singer Harry Styles, in an attempt to end minutes of speculation over whether she was lustfully gnawing on his teenage bones like a dirty puma.

After receiving death threats from hormonally unbalanced One Direction fans on Twitter warning her to steer clear of Styles, Flack decided to come clean about the whole thing and make them even angrier.

Apparently people get angry about grown women dating teenagers or something.

Caroline Flack Gets Death Threats From Clearly Insane One Direction Fans

November 18th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Uh-oh! Caroline Flack is getting received death threats from Harry Styles’ fans after it was revealed that the pair have been on some dates. What is it with young women and their penchant for sending death threats?

WHY HAVEN’T WE HAD ANY? DO WE HAVE TO HAVE SEX WITH A YOUNG MAN TO DO SO?

On that point, it appears hecklerspray is the only publication willing to point out that it is incredibly sinister the way adult women feel it is perfectly fine for them to fap over a bunch of 10 year old singing boys. Never mind death threats, how about some police involvement here?!

One Direction Want To Date Their Fans But Probably Not You

November 14th, 2011 By Michael Park

Remember One Direction from last year’s X Factor? Those fresh-faced lads that got all the way to the final by being cheeky, having a lark and bonking Rebecca Ferguson? Yeah, the ones that are a bit like The Risk. How quickly you forget.

They’re looking forward to releasing their new album but, being teenage boys who are still worried about spots, booze and getting their ends away, most of their interviews are turning to dating.

Yes, it turns out that the lads wouldn’t mind dating one of their loyal, insane fanbase.

Canon Probably Want To Open Fire On All One Direction Fans

October 19th, 2011 By Kris Silver

One Direction fans really are something to behold, they can almost out crazy the cult of Beliebers in terms of random Twitter outbursts about anything and everything their icons do.

OMG! HARRY IS PICKING HIS NOSE! I TOTES LOVE HIM!

That’s the sort of thing you can usually expect from them. But now they’ve hit a new low and actually managed to ruin the launch of a brand new top of the range DSLR camera from imaging giants, Canon.