History exists to teach us one thing and one thing alone – you don't talk to Bjork after she's just got off a plane.

12 years after pounding a Thai news reporter in an airport just for having the temerity to welcome her to the country, it looks like Bjork is at it again. A photographer from New Zealand is claiming that Bjork attacked him after she landed at Auckland airport on Friday, destroying his T-shirt.

Subsequently, passengers have been advised to stay away from all airports during the year 2020 regardless, unless they're carrying mace, a taser or some kind of pixie-battering truncheon.

Flying does funny things to people, whether it makes them constantly talk to the stranger next to them even though they obviously just want some peace and quiet, spend the entire flight bolt upright with their seatbelt on convinced that every judder of turbulence means that the massively heavy hulk of metal they're riding in will nosedive into the ground at a million miles per hour or, if you're Heather Mills, dance up and down the aisles like a goon.

But nobody – honestly, nobody in the history of mankind – hates flying as much as Bjork does. For example, in 1996 when a reporter greeted Bjork to Thailand with the phrase "Welcome to Bangkok," Bjork responded in a way that can only be described as 'batshit'. Look…

And now it seems as if Bjork has been at it again. On Friday Bjork touched down in Auckland for the Big Day Out festival where she's performing alongside Rage Against The Machine and LCD Soundsystem. And, although he was asked not to take pictures of Bjork in the airport, photographer Glenn Jeffrey ignored this request and got battered by an Icelandic midget as a result. According to Jeffrey:

"As I turned and walked away [Bjork] came up behind me, grabbed the back of my black skivvy and tore it. As she did this she fell over, she fell to the ground. At no stage did I touch her or speak with her… I don't see being assaulted as I'm working as a press photographer as an acceptable thing. If anybody assaults anybody you have the right to a legal recourse, whoever they are."

Bjork has yet to comment on this alleged attack, and even once she has it might be weeks or months before experts have managed to decode her confusing mixture of cockney, New York slang, impish Icelandic and irregular atonal yowls into something appropriating a coherent sentence.

And a video of this Bjork-attack apparently exists as well, ready for police review. Don't expect it to show up on YouTube any time soon, though, because New Zealand hasn't got round to adopting the internet yet. Or TV. In fact, New Zealand is so technologically backwards that last year a native won an entertainment technology award for inventing the flickbook, even though the rest of the world already invented it years ago, even in poor countries like Africa.

But, still, at least Bjork's demented airport rampage has mixed up the 'Top Three Interesting Facts About New Zealand' list. Now it reads 1) Lord Of The Rings was made there, 2) Bjork battered a photographer there, 3) People in New Zealand all think that thunder is caused by God banging two clouds together.

Previously it was 1) Lord Of The Rings was made there, 2) People in New Zealand all think that thunder is caused by God banging two clouds together.

Read more:

Bjork rips into Kiwi - E! Online