Articles tagged with: New York
Americans know how they like their child-stars - naked and terrified of the malevolent horse-gods they're also sexually aroused by. So today should be like Christmas for them, because Daniel Radcliffe - who, as Harry Potter, is basically King Child Star - has announced that he's taking his production of Equus to America, where it will play in Broadway from September. Equus. You know. Equus. The play that explores the ethical ambiguity of free will versus the enforced conventions of societal normality as laid out by the Bible and psychiatric practices. The play that, through the unique on-stage seating plan, forces the audience to confront notions of voyeurism and artifice for themselves. Oh, alright - the play where Harry Potter gets his penis out, waggles it around and then stabs a bunch of horses in the eye. Happy now?
It must be a nightmare living next door to James Bond.
Face it - you'd have that huge Aston Martin clogging up the driveway, a never-ending stream of Martini supply trucks dropping stuff off and the occasional coroner popping round to have a peek at dead ladies covered in gold paint. Not to mention the fact that he'd be looking all suave and ladykiller-like all the time, constantly showing off beautiful girlfriends like Eva Mendes while - in stark contrast - you have to settle for some slapper you met in Wetherspoons who looks a bit like the Cadbury's Mini Eggs parrot.
Luckily, of course, Bond is simply a fictional character. You'd never have such trouble if you lived next to, say, actor Sean Connery, would you? Of course not - he'd be like a benevolent old uncle, constantly popping round from the flat upstairs to give you tins of shortbread and perform entertaining highland jigs when there's nothing on television.
You'd think that, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you? Hell yes you would - and you'd quite literally be the wrongest person in the whole wide world for doing so.
Several things must have gone through Lindsay Lohan's mind as she posed for those naked photographs, like "I hope they dial down my bright red pubic hair with an airbrush" and "what will my mother think?"
But, although she was right to worry about the first one, Lindsay Lohan has no reason at all to fear the latter, because her mother Dina Lohan bloody well loves the naked Lindsay Lohan photos that were published earlier in the week.
That's good to see - Dina Lohan's endorsement of Lindsay Lohan's nude photoshoot is not only heartwarming, but it's also softened her up for all those Lindsay Lohan Hot Bitch XXX Dildo Slut Action DVDs that Lindsay will be reduced to starring in by 2010.
A month and a half in and Lindsay Lohan's Year Of Sex was starting to look embarrassingly dry.
But not any more, because Lindsay Lohan has got naked for a magazine. Deliberately naked, too - this isn't one of those 'Lindsay Lohan gets hammered and forgets to dress from the waist down on a night out' stories. It's an artfully-composed naked Lindsay Lohan shoot.
At least we think it's Lindsay Lohan. She's hidden behind a transparent cloth for most of it and - since the fluorescent red glow from her vagina doesn't make our eyes burn like a mace attack - we have our doubts, frankly.
As a recovering addict, Lindsay Lohan knows that the moment even an atom of booze passes her lips she'll fill her trousers with cocaine and go and crash her car somewhere stupid.
But still, that threat alone hasn't stopped Lindsay Lohan from impinging on her Year Of Sex, because it's been reported that Lindsay Lohan recently went out, rubbed herself up and down two different men, chugged a bunch of cocktails and then had a fight with some photographers.
Yeah yeah, allegedly. Jeez.
We don't know about you, but whenever we've got in trouble for emailing bikini photos of ourselves to married men, we usually tend to divert attention away from it by punching policewomen in the face.
That's what American newsreader Alycia Lane seems to have done, at least. Already this year Alycia Lane has found herself in the middle of a scandal after she was caught sending photos of herself in a bikini to a married NFL host, but now she's blown that furore out of the water by getting arrested for punching a plain-clothes police officer in the face in New York at 2am on Sunday morning. Alycia Lane has denied the charges, of course, and says that she was just festively acting out the scene from the Nativity where baby Jesus punched a plain-clothes police officer in the face in New York at 2am on that holy Sunday morning. Or something.
There's nothing like a punch-up at a wedding, so you'd expect that the wedding of Ellen Pompeo from Grey's Anatomy - the fightiest show on TV - would end up looking like a deleted scene from 300, wouldn't you.
Sadly, nothing of the sort took place on Friday when Ellen Pompeo married her boyfriend Chris Ivery in New York. In fact, Ellen Pompeo's wedding was so low-key that not even Ellen Pompeo's own father knew of it until after it happened. But can you blame Ellen Pompeo for keeping it a secret? After all, with the bickering and fighting on the Grey's Anatomy set of late, Ellen must've been worried that her co-stars would have used chunks of human flesh as confetti if they'd have been invited. Plus the last thing anyone wants at their wedding is for Isaiah Washington to punctuate the vicar's "Does anyone here present know of any reason..." speech by shrieking the word "FAGGOT!"
Without a shadow of a doubt, the new Sex And The City movie is easily the most highly-anticipated film amongst people who enjoy watching four crag-faced women sitting round a table talking about orgasms like they bloody invented them.
But it turns out that the Sex And The City movie will see another sex-obsessed harlot joining Horsey McGee and her horny middle-aged friends for their life of sipping overpriced cocktails in swanky bars full of insufferable tits and cracking onto men young enough to be their great-grandchildren - it's Michael Bloomberg, mayor of New York! It's been announced that Michael Bloomberg has scored a role in the Sex And The City movie and, although nobody knows what he'll be starring as yet, early odds are that he'll be one of Kim Cattrall's dildos.
That joke could be counted as political satire if we had the first clue about anything to do with Michael Bloomberg, you know.
