Lindsay Lohan stepped out on the red carpet this week looking as young, sexy and stylish as ever. Wait, we mean the exact opposite of that.

The o/b/v/i/o/u/s/c/r/a/c/k/a/d/d/i/c/t starlet was papped at the amfAR New York Gala yesterday sporting tobacco-stained hair, meth teeth and accessorised her hot new look with a Grinch-skin coat and a vacant stare.

Want a look? You brave crusader, you. Just click the jump.

So, let us get this straight – despite looking, and no doubt smelling, like a zombie Farrah Fawcett, Playboy value pictures of Lohan’s vagina at $1million?

We’d sooner pay Li-Lo $1million to surgically stitch her legs together.

Or for NASA to build one of those Men In Black style mind-wipers to scorch this image from our retinas.

THIS WOMAN IS 25. We’ve seen radiation victims with a better complexion. There’s no way she isn’t doing this on purpose now or is this some elaborate prank?

Come April Fools we’ll all be laughing. Won’t we Lindsay? Won’t we?

When the news reached people that New York had lost a piece of its iconic skyline due to a terrorist attack, it didn’t seem real. As rolling news stations replayed the footage of the deadly impact of the planes hitting the World Trade Centre and subsequent collapse of the buildings, it was more like a trailer from a movie or next generation computer game.

While many people ignore daily tragedies, the whole world united in the grief and panic for individuals they didn’t know. Ten years on from the event, we don’t know if subsequent action by world governments has reaped any sort of suitable revenge.

This weekend marks the tenth anniversary of the attacks; New Yorkers will no doubt come together in peaceful mourning for those lost unexpectedly lost. However, they’ll be an annoying din to soundtrack the day. Kasabian are playing to mark the anniversary.

9/11 was… and still is… a hugely emotional event. The world changed on that surreal day a decade ago. From that, governments fought an enemy with the efficiency of someone trying to bruise a puddle while all sorts of conspiracy theories sprung up, topped off with comedic scaremongering that told us all that anyone with dark skin and a beard is to be feared.

So why then, are a second rate Oasis tribute band called Kasabian deciding to voice their opinion? Fishing around the internet, we can’t find anything that links the band to New York when 9/11 happened way back in 2001. But then we realised, it’s all in the name of PR, giving the band a chance to saying some about a topic that the entire world feels strongly about. All because they’ve got a new album coming out. Twerp Tom from the band said to the NME:

“It will be strange for us playing in the city on such a big weekend for New York people. It will be emotional. I was at work and remember hearing 9/11 unfold on the radio. I remember going home and being in absolute shock. My mum had it on the news. It was f**king awful.”

One member of Kasabian isn’t enough, guitar monkey Serge commented further:

“Looking back to 9/11, I was at work. I went round Tom’s on my way home. I’d always go in for a tea and I was sat watching it with his mum when Tom came home from work. We were watching it in his front room. We were like everyone, thinking it was just mental.”

‘Just mental’. A great mind at work there.

And these great brains are, of course, planning a poor Beatles-style rooftop gig for reasons we can’t really explain. In all honesty, it heaps more pain on an already fragile day for New York.

Good for you lads. Good for you. So awful is your music, that you may as well urinate on the Bill Of Rights while you’re over there.

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Arm-hacking enthusiast James Franco has confirmed the end of five-year relationship with actress Ahna O’Reilly citing a love of books as the reason for their terminating their ‘love contract’.

The actor, famous for managing to look handsome while cutting off his arm in ’127 Hours’ has confirmed his five-year romance with Ahna O’Reilly has ended because he is so busy with his other education commitments, although he did not manage to reveal when they ended their relationship, presumably realising that no-one would give two hoots.

Women everywhere (who read Playboy?) are said to be feeling listless and lost. First George Clooney becomes single and now George Clooney Jnr has become single. Who do they go for? Who do they pin their idiotic hopes on? They’ll never get either of them, but now there’s two.

hecklerspray can testify to the fact that it’s extremely difficult to stalk more than one person. That’s why we have a writing team.

Frano has been studying at Yale University, New York University, Warren Wilson College in North Carolina, Brooklyn College and Columbia University which either means that he’s something of a polymath or just that he’s too thick to stay anywhere for more than a year. What is he even studying?

He told the new issue of Playboy magazine:

“It’s over. That lasted about four or five years. We’d been living together in Los Angeles and then came to New York to go to school for two years. Then I signed up for more school at Yale. I think that was it for her.”

That’s heartbreaking, isn’t it? He signed up for ‘more school’. More. School. A phrase which is a shocking indictment of the English tutors at Ivy League universities but let’s not dwell on that too much. We’re clearly just bitter.

James admitted in the interview that he hasn’t had much luck with women, particularly when he was at school because he was so “shy and awkward”. It’s a real pity that he never really blossomed as a person and became a film star. James Franco really is one of the forgotten men of Hollywood. Oh… wait…

When asked by the Playboy interviewer, who was rubbing his thighs, when he lost his virginity, he said:

“In high school with my girlfriend. Her name was Jasmine. We went out freshman year and then I blew it. She kind of got over me, but we got back together at the beginning of junior year and dated for two years. She was my first real relationship.

“I think girls liked me, but I was awkward, shy and emotionally immature, so I didn’t have a ton of girlfriends. I had short-term relationships and always got dumped, I think because I was too slow for them.”

That might be why he keeps signing up for ‘more and more school’ because he’s worried he’s slow. Girls don’t like guys who are slow. That’s why none of hecklerspray’s male writers get any girls. Ever.

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Sometimes, one can only hope that Glenn Beck is the Republican version of Jon Stewart and that it was all one big joke we didn’t latch onto in good time… but there’s that gnawing feeling that he really does believe the beserk stuff he says.

And it is his views that have seen him and his family being targeted by “hateful” crowds at a screening of The 39 Steps in New York City on Monday night.

While there, Beck & Co were caught in a “hostile situation”, and if you look at his history, it isn’t difficult to see why that will happen from time-to-time. You troll people, there’s a strong chance they’ll harangue you in return. So let us glare at him at his most weird.

Apparently, Beck was at this outdoor screening and someone kicked wine onto his wife Tanya’s back, soaking her clothes and their Stars ‘n’ Stripes blanket. Then, after that, when Tanya and their daughter Hannah went to the bathroom to clean up, someone yelled “We hate conservatives here!”

The Becks did their best to ignore the catcalls and people taking pictures of them, but it obviously didn’t work, with Beck saying on his radio show:

“These people were some of the most hateful people I’ve ever seen. All I wanted to do was watch a movie in the park. I have a right to watch and enjoy a movie in the park.”

Hate? Wanna talk about hate? See, Beck was mockingly applauded as he left the show. While it may be very uncomfortable to be chided in public, you have to wonder where this behaviour comes from. Seeing as the screening was in New York, you have to assume that saying things like ‘I hate 9/11 victim families’ will turn a community against you.

And of course, Beck’s melodramatic response probably doesn’t help matters.

“If I had suggested ‘Does anybody have a rope? Because there’s a tree here. You could just lynch me.’ I think there would’ve been a couple in the crowd that would’ve.”

It isn’t exactly a good idea to bring up lynching is it, especially given that Beck has been accused of ‘race hate’ in some quarters.

Fact is, if you’re on a huge platform like the Fox Network, given the opportunity to speak without fear of immediate reply, if you have views that are, to put it kindly, controversial, then people will build up loathing and weariness which could easily manifest itself as… well… taking the piss out of you while you sit on a rug in a park.

Of course, Glenn Beck has the right to his views and no-one should ever take that right away from him… but y’know, the right to speak goes both ways, so if someone wants to boo and heckle you, they’ve got that right too, especially if you’re the kind of bloke who can lose his bap on-air and furious slate a caller, only for you to call them a “pinhead”.

Public attacks aren’t very nice are they? Mercifully, we revel in it and would love the chance to mindlessly call Glenn Beck names, mainly because he looks like Bobby from King of the Hill.

It goes without saying that, while Beck recalled all this on his show, he got all choked up. It’s not like Glenn Beck to cry is it? Not one bit…

Beck, who launches a live streaming video network in Sept., closed his segment about the incident with a plea for love, “Find a way to love because in the end only love remains. The only thing that is true is love. Everything else is a lie. Do not hate, love. That’s the promise of America. That is the shining city on the hill that cannot and will not be hid.”

Beck’s GBTV will feature Beck’s new daily two-hour show and other original and licensed programming.

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Smokers are having a hard time of it in certain quarters. In many places, they’re no longer allowed to smoke in pubs and bars, leaving them to brilliantly stand in doorways blowing stinkin’ plumes over mewing non-smokers as they walk on by.

In parts of America, you can be arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay for merely thinking about a crude pencil drawing of cigarettes.

This has seen British actor Jeremy Irons getting all irate, which presumably makes him want to pace around chain-smoking. Y’see, Irons – a man who has absolutely zero colour in his face – is angry at the whole city of New York for new smoking rules, which prompted him into making a rather odd comparison.

Looking at the lack of rights that smokers have, Irons has leapt to his feet, coughed up a greenie and spat that smokers need to be protected like ‘handicapped people and children’.

This all kicked off after NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg banned smoking in city-owned open spaces, yet obviously, didn’t actually go as far as banning tobacco products altogether, nor indeed, actually do something useful like tackling the city’s dreadful heroin problem or the fact that huge sections of the place smell like tramp’s urine.

But we digress.

Irons grimaced:

“I turned vigorously against the mayor because of the new law (banning) smoking in parks or on the beach, which I think is ludicrous and a terrible bullying of a minority that cannot speak back.”

Presumably because they’re too busy having a good time smoking fags or coughing up their lungs through their noses. He added that smokers deserve to be protected like “handicapped people and children”.

This of course, hasn’t gone down well with charitable organisations who work with those with disabilities.

A spokesperson for the National Organization on Disability said:

“It’s a very inappropriate comparison”.

Irons should move to the Czech Republic. You’re given 20 smokes at birth and actively encouraged to smoke inside pubs and bars. And restaurants. And while you’re conducting eye-surgery. And while you’re teaching children to read. It’s fantastic.

LET’S ALL MOVE TO PRAGUE!

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A new trailer for Russell Brand’s probably eagerly awaited latest film, a remake of Steve Gordon’s 1981 film Arthur, has been released, so we here at hecklerspray thought we’d take some time to take a peek and try to figure out what we can expect from the latest in a long line of Hollywood remakes of films and TV shows from the 80s.

Brand is playing cheeky cockney chappy Arthur Bach, who spends all his time drinking, having a right ol’ knees up and wearing silly clothes that make him look like an 18^th century dandy that’s been dressed by a cravat wearing Covent Garden boutique owner.

Hmmm.

The premise alone indicates that maybe this film was made purely by having a film crew follow Brand as he gallivants around New York City, then just shoehorning in a plot and having actors show up to point Brand in the right direction.

Sort of like The Only Way is Essex, only marginally less annoying and considerably less orange.

Anyway, Brand is swanning around with one of his showbiz pals when Helen Mirren suddenly turns up and threatens to bite Evander Holyfield’s ear off (seriously, we’re not making this up).

The main conflict of the piece is then presented to us. Brand is told by his Mum that he has to marry some woman or risk losing his billion-dollar fortune.

Faced with the prospect of financial ruin Brand decides that maybe marrying said woman is for the best… until a chance encounter with one of those quirky but somewhat attractive girls that always turns up in this sort of tripe has him questioning whether or not he should marry the woman dear old Mumsy told him to.

Cue scenes of Brand trying to act as if he’s growing emotionally and learning something, which aren’t too convincing as every time Brand appears on screen you get the feeling he’s about 10 seconds from cracking an awkward joke in that shrill, mockney voice of his and… a scene of him racing around New York in the Batmobile, which is actually pretty awesome, although it doesn’t make Brand appear any less of a tit.

The whole, ‘let’s try and disguise a chick flick by casting a wacky former heroin addict and throwing in a shot of the batmobile,’ shtick isn’t really working though.

The trailer clearly shows this film is just an excuse for women to fawn over Brand, his stupid hair and his unfathomably tight trousers.

If you liked Brand’s performances in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Get Him to the Greek then maybe there’s something wrong with you… but if you’re still eager to see this then head over to Apple trailers.

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Justin Bieber, the pre-pubescent anti-Christ who seems hell bent on making each and every one of our lives miserable by being the most famous person on the planet whilst for merely being a more annoying version of Aaron Carter, appeared to be booed by a crowd of American sports goers.

Maybe the yanks aren’t as bad as we all thought.

Bieber was attending a New York Knicks game at Madison Square Garden when his face was shown on the big screen. Boos and whistles could be heard from all corners of the stadium as New Yorkers registered their disgust at seeing the annoying little twat.

The booing appeared to confuse poor Bieber, who’s more used to having scores of pre-pubescent girls shrieking his name at the top of their lungs while he mimes to a song and imitates the moves of Michael Jackson, only without the alleged child molestation.

Maybe it was a good thing that the Knicks crowd brought Justin back down to Earth. We here at hecklerspray can only imagine what was running through his mind when he heard the boos.

For those wondering why this is news, Justin Bieber is a pre-teen record company whore who is surrounded by sycophantic yes-men and insane teenage girls who feel that a $500 (yes, $500) hair cut makes you, like, totally hott and sosososososoooo talented.

So, to him, being jeered is a totally alien concept, it probably scared him so much that it pushed his puberty back another 5 years, meaning his balls are due to drop sometime around 2032.

Also, we love it when annoying children get their comeuppance.

The humiliation of having a whole stadium of people booing him hasn’t held him back though, no, he’s just got his 7,000,000^th follower on Twitter. Yep, he’s got 7 million followers on Twitter.  That’s close to the population of Israel.

Even in the face of the devastating news that 7 MILLION PEOPLE think that Justin Bieber is worthy of some sort of greatness, we can take solace in the fact that there are still normal people out there, the non-beliebers who will pelt him with bottles and boo him whenever he shows his face in public.

Finally, after 2 years of the Obama administration, there’s finally some change we can beliebe believe in.

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Two things we like but, as professional bloggers, haven’t done in years are go on holiday and smell nice. We’ve forgotten what both of those things are like.

But you, you lucky sods, have the chance to do both. After the jump is a widget where you can sign up and get sent free samples of 212 Sexy. Plus, if you submit your ‘sexy places’, you’ll enter a competition to win a weekend in New York. That’s geographical sexy places, obviously. You can’t just write ‘my balls’. That’s not allowed. Apparently.

Anyway, it’s all after the jump.

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If you’re a fan of awkward sexually-charged small-talk, you could do a lot worse than getting to Madonna’s concert in Los Angeles tonight.

Why? Because Madonna plans to have two very special guests performing with her – Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake. If Madonna pulls it off, it has the potential to be the messiest reunion in history – don’t forget that all three of them have had their tongue inside Britney Spears’ mouth at one point or another, with the possible exception of Britney Spears.

If you ask us, this reeks of publicity stunt. And not even a good one – if Madonna really wanted people to go to her show tonight she wouldn’t just stop at Justin Timberlake – she’d hire everyone Britney Spears has ever slept with. Britney and Justin? Pah. Britney and Justin and Kevin Federline and Adnan Ghalib and that guy Britney married for like half an hour? All voguing like their lives depended on it? Now we’re talking.

What do Madonna, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake have in common? Quite a lot, actually – they’re all successful popstars, for one. And they’re all keen on a spot of religious outrage – Madonna has pretended to be Jesus in the past, Britney Spears once seduced a priest on an album cover and Justin Timberlake is perhaps best known for his hit single I Did A Shit In A Bible.

Also, they’ve got a bit of a tricky history, sexually. Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears were a couple for a number of years, Madonna and Britney Spears kissed with tongues at an awards show and Justin Timberlake managed to keep his dinner down while watching Madonna grind about in a manky pair of knickers on the set of the Four Minutes video – the nearest a boy like him can be expected to get to having sex with gristley old Madonna these days.

And because of that, if Madonna, Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears ever got together, we’d expect the result to be completely unpleasant for all involved. Let’s just hope that never happens.

Actually, scrap that. It is happening. According to reports, Madonna has engineered a three-way reunion between her, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake at her concert at Dodger’s Stadium tonight. OK! reports:

On Wednesday afternoon, Ryan Seacrest called in to local radio station KIIS FM, and broke the news that both Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears will take the stage together with Madonna tomorrow night when she performs at Dodger Stadium as. “I couldn’t wait to tell you this,” Seacrest said. “If Justin and Britney end up on that stage with her [Madonna]… I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything quite like that before.”

Sounds good in principle, but we’re really just worried that the stress of the reunion will just bring out the worst in each performer. You know, Britney Spears could have a psychotic bald-headed relapse, Madonna could regress to her Body of Evidence days and – worst of all – Justin Timberlake could start thinking that he’s funnier than he actually is again. Gratuitous middle-aged nudity and harrowing mental trauma we can stand, but not an impromptu Timberlake stand-up set.

Also, let’s hope the promise of Madonna reuniting with both Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake is enough to get people to buy up the remaining tickets for tonight’s concert, otherwise Madonna will have to pull out another big reunion with someone from her past to make it even more exciting. And we’ve got a funny feeling that’d be Sandra Bernhard. Gree.

You might be pleased that Angelina Jolie has returned to New York with Brad Pitt and all her children, but your joy could be misplaced.

That’s because the logistics of shipping the world’s most famous couple plus all their assorted children to one of the world’s busiest cities are a nightmare. Such a nightmare, in fact, that Angelina Jolie’s gigantic army of family and staff apparently brought traffic to a grinding standstill in the area surrounding her hotel yesterday.

However, we get the feeling the this giant traffic jam was nothing more than a clever promotional stunt for Angelina Jolie’s new movie The Changeling. After all, it used to be known as the boring-looking movie that Angelina Jolie only did because she thought she’d get an Oscar out of it, and now it’s the movie that made a few New Yorkers a couple of minutes late for their tea. And that’s probably better, we’d imagine.

This trip to New York by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to promote The Changeling was probably the best thing for Angelina at the moment.

For example, if reports are to be believed Angelina Jolie is currently suffering from a touch of postnatal depression following the birth of her twins. And Brad Pitt’s just made her move to Berlin. Berlin, for crying out loud – the same city where David Bowie recorded Low, the same city that’s named after Lou Reed‘s most depressing album and the city that inspired the name of the band who made Take My Breath Away. Frankly it’s a surprise that Angelina Jolie hasn’t thrown herself out of a bloody window already.

So, yes, it’s definitely good that Angelina Jolie has returned to New York for a large serving of razzle dazzle. Especially since, by single-handedly snarling up the entire city’s traffic system, Angelina gets to remember what it’s like to conduct your life with the profound sense of entitlement you only get in the good old US of A. MSNBC reports:

The family is in town for the premiere of Jolie’s new film, “Changeling,” and while there’s plenty of Oscar buzz surrounding Jolie’s performance, locals were buzzing about the traffic jam the family caused outside their midtown Manhattan hotel. “I guess the size of their family and the amount of traffic they cause is directly proportional,” said one observer. “You’d think (Jolie) was part of the U.N. General Assembly.”

Ha, yes, do you see? You’d think that Angelina Jolie was part of the U.N. General Assembly because all her children come from different places. Ha ha ha. Look, the representative for Cambodia wants more biscuits. Ha ha. And the ambassador for Angelina Jolie’s womb is trying to pass a resolution about needing a poo. Ha ha. Or something. Ha.

Still, let’s be thankful that Angelina Jolie is only in town to promote a highbrow arthouse movie that people will only watch because it might win an Oscar and they feel like they should. Imagine what’d happen to the traffic if she made a film that people actually liked the look of. People would be actually dying of starvation in their cars as we speak.

It’s too much to think about. Let’s just all be thankful that Angelina Jolie has never actually made one of these films.

As we speak, David Blaine is hanging upside down six storeys above Central Park, and nobody seems to have told him that it’s a crap idea.

Nobody seems to know exactly why David Blaine has decided to hang upside down above Central Park for 60 hours in a row without food or sleep. It’s probably best to presume that it’s just another one of those attention-seeking stunts he does from time to time because his mother didn’t hug him very often. However, with this stunt David Blaine runs the risk of doing some very serious damage to himself.

Apparently some kind of medical genius has decided that being upside down for 60 hours might make the blood go to David Blaine’s head, which could harm his eyesight. Bad news for David Blaine, but good news for those of us who want the stunt to end with David Blaine’s eyeballs popping out of his head, sending jets of blood spraying around in all directions over a crowd of screaming onlookers.

And, face it, deep down that’s all of us.

We never really know where to stand on the whole David Blaine thing. On one hand his stunts are a perfect example of spectacle as public art, but on the other hand he’s a smug wanker and we constantly pray that he fails at everything he ever does. It’s a fine line to walk.

In recent years, David Blaine has pushed his body to its very limit by going wrinkly then almost drowning while trapped in what appeared to be a giant transparent anal bead and then sort of spinning around a bit. But it seems as though those stunts were just David Blaine’s warm-up for his new adventure, which started this morning. For now, readers, David Blaine is going to hang upside down for 60 hours.

Actually, that sounds rubbish, doesn’t it? We think the problem is this – David Blaine really ruined the endurance aspect of his shtick when he sat in a box above London for 40 days. 40 days seems quite a long time. If someone stayed in bed for 40 days it’d be quietly impressive. So when David Blaine announces that he’s only going to div around upside down for 60 poxy hours, it seems like a cop-out. We want David Blaine to hang upside down for three months until his head becomes the size of a big red life-raft and his legs and genitals have withered away to string. 60 hours is rubbish.

Except it’s not. Apparently if David Blaine hangs around upside down for the full 60 hours, he’ll probably go blind. And, oddly enough, not because he plans to spend those 60 hours constantly masturbating over passers by like like sort of horrific upside down flying tramp. Monsters And Critics reports:

Dr Massimo Napolitano, chief of vascular surgery at the Hackensack University Medical Center, New Jersey, told the Bergen Record newspaper that hanging upside down for a long time increases blood pressure in the head, especially in the eyes. This can cause blindness. “My biggest concern for him is possible clotting in the veins of his eyes, causing blindness,” said Dr Napolitano.

Now let’s be honest for a moment. The possibility of David Blaine going blind is definitely good for business. If a bunch of doctors with impressively foreign-sounding names all lined up to say that hanging upside down for two and a bit days would increase the bloodflow to David Blaine’s brain and make him super clever for the rest of his life, nobody would really care about the stunt. But if David Blaine went blind from hanging upside down for 60 hours, that’d really make him famous.

Not that we hope he does, of course. If David Blaine went blind, it’d be a real tragedy – how would he be able to blow kisses at himself into a mirror for days at a time if he can’t see? e imagine he probably does that a lot.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

So some town in New York state has had a rash of Bigfoot sightings recently – and of multiple creatures at a time too. To quote one witness referring to a sighting she had on her property:

“It had a juvenile with it about my height.”

To quote another witness:

“I kind of wanted to shave it, put it in a silk shirt and bring it to a German discotheque.”

OK – we made up quote #2 – but the first one is authentic! Read on!

The following story is actually quite interesting. It’s of the non-horror variety – not always common when talking about the sasquatch – and it seems quite detailed. It’s about a woman named Patty Williams who lives on a farm-ish type property in New York state. She allegedly encounters the creatures pretty frequently.

It eats the food for her pigs, and as payment leaves her pine cones and rocks. She encounters the creature pretty frequently. She’s thrown rocks to where she thinks it is, and the rocks get tossed back. The same is true of a football.

In skipping to a quote from The Daily Freeman, a local paper:

In her most recent sighting, Williams said, she had gone to get coffee with a friend one evening and saw a bigfoot standing along her driveway. She said the creature’s eyes were glowing and that she knew it wasn’t a bear because it was at least 7 feet tall. “It’s pretty exciting,” Williams said. “Very interesting.”

And Patty’s not the only one to have seen the creatures – her mother and daughter have seen them too. Apparently the sightings have been going on for about four months – and it’s attracted hunters. Not the type with lethal ammunition, mind you, but the type with dart guns. They want to collect skin samples from the thing.

They’ve brought along other equipment too – like something called an electronic ear. This device has allowed them to hear footsteps from a great distance that they say don’t match the footfalls of any known woodland creatures. This sounds pretty weak to us, but if you’re hard up for evidence you gotta take what you can get.

The hunting team also found ‘a pod,’ which we think means an area of matted grass where the creatures might have slept for the night. Again, it’s evidence, but weak evidence.

What we’d like to see is this Williams woman walk around with a camcorder at the ready. She seems to see the thing enough. Get some decent footage and she’d be well on her way to a Patterson-like eternal glory.

Until that day comes though, it’s just another crummy sighting.

Boy George is taking it back to the streets of New York; the very same ones that he tore a new a-hole a couple of years back.

But rather than being armed with a sweeping brush and a dashing outfit, he’ll be back to what he’s more used to. Well, he’ll be back to what he was more used to a decade or two back when he still had a career beyond ‘celebrity’ DJing.

That’s right sanitation workers of NYC – Boy George is going to play a gig for you! All for you! Even you! And you! Not you though.

Best of all is the news that this selfless, humble superstar is to provide the cleaners and rubbish pickers of New York all the entertainment they could ever want for free! They won’t even have to pay him in discarded, soiled underpants or anything. Georgey really is an example to us all.

In a statement (possibly) tearfully released to the media, the former A-Team cameo extraordinaire said:

“The people I worked alongside showed great kindness to me at a difficult time. I wanted to thank them all in a way that would show my appreciation.”

Hecklerspray can’t help but think that a better way to show your appreciation would be to not play for these poor souls, who are all likely to feel some kind of sympathy for the limelight-starved Culture Club member, alongside the inevitable feeling that they have to attend. No one likes it when you feel you’re being forced into going to something, and 5,000 binmen going to watch Boy George?

Actually, that’s a bit surreal.

No, we feel that a far better way to thank the tireless efforts of the New York Sanitation Department would be to say ‘thank you for your help’ and send them a card. Organising a pop concert when you’re clearly past it and nobody has cared about your career for the last two decades is a bit rich.

And let’s not even mention the fact that it’s a clear and blatant grab for some of that ever-elusive positive press for George.

Or, well, just any press at all. Ever.

The world of partially uncorroborated celebrity coat-theft accusations has just got a whole lot hotter, and it’s all thanks to Lindsay Lohan.

According to a woman by the name of Masha Markova, Lindsay Lohan stole and was photographed wearing an $11,000 fur coat of hers in January, and it was only returned three months later after Masha started threatening everyone with lawsuits. And now Masha Markova is chasing Lindsay Lohan for a $10,000 ‘rental fee’.

There’s been no official word from Lindsay Lohan about these accusations yet, but that’s probably just because she’s ashamed of herself. If the claims are true, you see, it means that Lindsay’s just been outwitted by a woman who leaves $11,000 fur coats lying around in bars. Nice one, shithead.

Lindsay Lohan has done some terrible things in the past involving drink driving and drug addiction and public nudity, but she’s never stooped to the depravity of stealing some woman’s coat and then giving it back a few months later. Well, actually, that’s not strictly true – Lindsay Lohan may have slept with one of McFly once, and that’s about as depraved as you can get – but still. Pinching a woman’s coat? Tut tut.

That’s the claim, anyway. Masha Markova, whoever she is, is demanding $10,000 from Lindsay Lohan after she apparently swiped Markova’s $11,000 fur coat from New York bar 1 Oak in January and was then photographed wearing it like a kind of grotty ginger Cruella de Vil in a glossy magazine.

Yes, we know this is basically just a retreat of that time at school when you lost your PE shorts and blamed the fat kid, but this is better because a) your shorts weren’t made of ridiculously expensive mink and b) everyone involved in this story is clearly a giant twat. The San Francisco Chronicle picks up the story:

Markova tells the New York Post, “It was my coat. It was no doubt.” Markova instructed her lawyer to threaten to legal action the actress. Soon after, she was contacted by bosses at 1 Oak, who then returned the item, without explanation, smelling of alcohol and cigarette smoke and with a tear in the lining. Although she cannot prove Lohan is responsible for “borrowing” the coat, Markova is demanding a $10,000 fee for the rental. She says, “I don’t see how it could have been an accident.”

So let’s get this straight – a woman left a coat in a bar and then got it back a while later smelling of alcohol and cigarettes. She left the coat in a bar. It smelled of alcohol. Bar. Alcohol. Bar. Alcohol. Nope, we can’t work out this mystery at all.

Anyway, Masha Markova will be lucky to get this $10,000 rental fee from Lindsay Lohan whether she stole the coat or not. Lindsay’s not exactly brimming with work at the moment, and whatever money she has at the moment needs to be kept safe for the next time she gets trashed on booze, crashes a car and spends the best part of a year in rehab.

But that should be the least of Lindsay Lohan’s worries right now – regardless of her involvement in Markova’s accusations, by wearing a fur coat in the first place Lindsay Lohan has marked herself out for some PETA victimisation any day now.

Although, to be fair, Lindsay Lohan has a perfectly valid excuse. Since PETA’s most successful campaign is ‘I’d rather go naked than wear fur’, all it’ll take if for Lindsay Lohan to explain that she’s already tried going naked before but it sort of grossed everyone out so she decided to wear fur instead. It’s watertight.

Read more:

Lohan Caught Up In Coat Riddle – SFC

As if yesterday’s thrilling installment of That Court Case Where JK Rowling Gets Upset Because Someone Else Wrote A Harry Potter Book wasn’t enthralling enough, there’s more.

That’s because yesterday JK Rowling made it into court to speak about her outrage that a third-party Harry Potter reference book, The Lexicon Of Harry Potter, was being published without her say-so. “We all know I’ve made enough money.

hat’s absolutely not why I’m here,” JK Rowling told the courtroom. And that sounds fair – quite often the mega-wealthy lose the thrill of making money and replace it with a new interest.

It’s rare for a court case about a reference book to make a lot of headlines – we can only really think of the time that Britney Spears wrote her 1,200-page tome The Unbearable Lightness Of Being: The Knickerless Perspective back in 2006 – but that was before anyone tried writing a Harry Potter reference book.

As you’re probably quite sick of hearing now, JK Rowling has launched a lawsuit against publisher RDR Books because of its intent to publish The Harry Potter Lexicon, a third-party Harry Potter encyclopedia that will directly compete with JK Rowling’s own forthcoming Harry Potter encyclopedia.

JK Rowling’s court case started yesterday in New York, and it opened with a bang – JK Rowling herself took to the stand herself to defend against accusations that she just didn’t want to see anyone else make money from Harry Potter. And, to be fair, JK Rowling looked all wet-eyed and Princess Dianaish. Reuters reports:

When asked what Potter meant to her, the mother-of-three said: “I really don’t want to cry, because I am British … It’s like asking how do you feel about your child.” “This is very personal to me,” said Rowling, who wrote the first Potter book as a poverty-stricken single mother and is now estimated by The Sunday Times to be worth about $1 billion. “I am an author — 17-years of my work is being exploited here. This is not about money.”

And this lawsuit hasn’t just affected JK Rowling’s plans for her Harry Potter encyclopedia – she also claims that the stress of the court case has ‘decimated’ her creativity and has postponed her big Harry Potter follow-up book.

In fact, JK Rowling says that the book might not ever see the light of day now, thanks to the accompanying mental anguish of what she’s going through now.

Look, we’re all thinking the same thing here – let’s all go away and write a knocked-off Harry Potter book each.

By the time JK Rowling’s done suing all of us then she won’t have it in her to ever write another book again. And that’ll be one less person’s stupendous success to be bitterly jealous about, right?

Read more: Rowling tells court she’s stopped working – Reuters