Articles tagged with: New Moon
Kristen Stewart Jumps On The Woeful Haircut Bandwagon
Dakota Fanning: if you're reading this, run. Really, run. Run. It's infectious. Get out now before it gets you too. Swine flu? No, this is much more dangerous. We're talking about the pandemic of bewilderingly awful haircuts sweeping through the New Moon cast. Robert Pattinson we already knew about - but we could deal with his terrible haircut because it was an isolated case, plus there's a chance that he's being ironic or suffers from self-loathing or something. But now Kristen Stewart has done it too - her new haircut is half tatty scarecrow mullet and half barely-alive lawnmower-mangled crow. It's harrowing.
Dakota Fanning: if you're reading this, run. Really, run. Run. It's infectious. Get out now before it gets you too. Swine flu? No, this is much more dangerous. We're talking about the pandemic of bewilderingly awful haircuts sweeping through the New Moon cast. Robert Pattinson we already knew about - but we could deal with his terrible haircut because it was an isolated case, plus there's a chance that he's being ironic or suffers from self-loathing or something. But now Kristen Stewart has done it too - her new haircut is half tatty scarecrow mullet and half barely-alive lawnmower-mangled crow. It's harrowing.
Shock! Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart Literally Eat Some Food!
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have something of a 'will they, won't they?' relationship. That much is clear to see. By which we obviously mean 'will they or won't they find any form of meaningful acting work once they've finished starring in those terrible Twilight films?' To which the answer, in all honesty, is 'probably not, no'. But until we can find a definitive answer to that, let's just arbitrarily speculate on whether or not Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are doing it with each other. They both ate dinner alone together on Sunday, you know. Which definitely proves, um, something.
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have something of a 'will they, won't they?' relationship. That much is clear to see. By which we obviously mean 'will they or won't they find any form of meaningful acting work once they've finished starring in those terrible Twilight films?' To which the answer, in all honesty, is 'probably not, no'. But until we can find a definitive answer to that, let's just arbitrarily speculate on whether or not Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are doing it with each other. They both ate dinner alone together on Sunday, you know. Which definitely proves, um, something.
There’s A New Moon Trailer! We Can’t Breathe! SQUEEEEEE!
We now bring you the biggest news of this, or perhaps any, century. There. Is. A. New. Moon. Trailer. THERE IS A NEW MOON TRAILER! Perhaps you didn't understand us. There's a New Moon trailer and it's on the internet and we've got it here! It's literally everything we wanted it to be, because Robert Pattinson's in it and he looks dreamy and a man changes into a wolf and we want to marry it FOREVER. We're exaggerating. But the New Moon trailer is everything we wanted it to be. It's quite short. That's all we wanted it to be.
We now bring you the biggest news of this, or perhaps any, century. There. Is. A. New. Moon. Trailer. THERE IS A NEW MOON TRAILER! Perhaps you didn't understand us. There's a New Moon trailer and it's on the internet and we've got it here! It's literally everything we wanted it to be, because Robert Pattinson's in it and he looks dreamy and a man changes into a wolf and we want to marry it FOREVER. We're exaggerating. But the New Moon trailer is everything we wanted it to be. It's quite short. That's all we wanted it to be.
Robert Pattinson Goes Topless, World Drowns In Adolescent Urine
In New Moon, Robert Pattinson only appears in Kristen Stewart's mind. Turns out she's a right old chuffing pervert, too. Why? Because some paparazzi photos have emerged from the New Moon set, showing Robert Pattinson topless and strutting around with a six pack that's as impressive as it is obviously painted on. So Robert Pattinson is topless in New Moon. Big deal - all the teenage girls were already going to see it 25 times regardless of how many Robert Pattinson nipples are on display. What about including something for the boys instead, like sleeping pills or an entirely different film? Huh?
In New Moon, Robert Pattinson only appears in Kristen Stewart's mind. Turns out she's a right old chuffing pervert, too. Why? Because some paparazzi photos have emerged from the New Moon set, showing Robert Pattinson topless and strutting around with a six pack that's as impressive as it is obviously painted on. So Robert Pattinson is topless in New Moon. Big deal - all the teenage girls were already going to see it 25 times regardless of how many Robert Pattinson nipples are on display. What about including something for the boys instead, like sleeping pills or an entirely different film? Huh?
Robert Pattinson To Keep Making Twilight Films Forever (Sort Of)
You know Robert Pattinson? You know how he stars in Twilight? And how he'll be starring in Twilight 2 and Twilight 3 soon? Well hold onto your hats because we've got some incredibly unexpected news for you. Get ready - Robert Pattinson is going to star in Twilight 4. We know! We were surprised, too! We also have bad news - Robert Pattinson is the only star to agree to Twilight 4, so Ricky Martin will play Jacob Black, the wolf pack will be played by three homeless men who've been painted orange and Kristen Stewart will be portrayed by a horse in a top hat.
You know Robert Pattinson? You know how he stars in Twilight? And how he'll be starring in Twilight 2 and Twilight 3 soon? Well hold onto your hats because we've got some incredibly unexpected news for you. Get ready - Robert Pattinson is going to star in Twilight 4. We know! We were surprised, too! We also have bad news - Robert Pattinson is the only star to agree to Twilight 4, so Ricky Martin will play Jacob Black, the wolf pack will be played by three homeless men who've been painted orange and Kristen Stewart will be portrayed by a horse in a top hat.
New Moon Footage! On TV! In, Like, A Fortnight! Or Something!
14-year-old girls, this is an advance warning. Starting now, you need to drink as much fluid as you absolutely can. Because on May 31, you'll be called upon to unleash the greatest involuntary urination of your already impressively urine-heavy lives. Why? Because on May 31 a brand-new, previously-unseen clip of New Moon will be shown at the MTV Awards. Worse still, the New Moon clip is going to be introduced by Robert Pattinson, which seems like overkill. After all, Robert Pattinson OR New Moon equals gross involuntary urination. Robert Pattinson AND New Moon probably equals a bit of involuntary pooing, too. Ugh.
14-year-old girls, this is an advance warning. Starting now, you need to drink as much fluid as you absolutely can. Because on May 31, you'll be called upon to unleash the greatest involuntary urination of your already impressively urine-heavy lives. Why? Because on May 31 a brand-new, previously-unseen clip of New Moon will be shown at the MTV Awards. Worse still, the New Moon clip is going to be introduced by Robert Pattinson, which seems like overkill. After all, Robert Pattinson OR New Moon equals gross involuntary urination. Robert Pattinson AND New Moon probably equals a bit of involuntary pooing, too. Ugh.
Big, Breaking, Important News: Robert Pattinson Has A Birthday
This is just in, so brace yourselves. Apparently Twilight star Robert Pattinson has a birthday each year. We know, we're shocked ourselves. But let's just steady ourselves and try to work out what this means - it means that Robert Pattinson's age incrementally increases by one year on a set calendar date, which has blown our minds. Still, at least Robert Pattinson didn't celebrate his so-called 'birthday' with friends in Canada this week. What? Robert Pattinson did celebrate his so-called 'birthday' with friends in Canada this week? This is all too much news! Fingers crossed somebody bought him a hairbrush, eh?
This is just in, so brace yourselves. Apparently Twilight star Robert Pattinson has a birthday each year. We know, we're shocked ourselves. But let's just steady ourselves and try to work out what this means - it means that Robert Pattinson's age incrementally increases by one year on a set calendar date, which has blown our minds. Still, at least Robert Pattinson didn't celebrate his so-called 'birthday' with friends in Canada this week. What? Robert Pattinson did celebrate his so-called 'birthday' with friends in Canada this week? This is all too much news! Fingers crossed somebody bought him a hairbrush, eh?
New Moon Script Found In The Bin For Some Reason
For crying out loud, New Moon. You're making this way too easy for us. A bin? A copy of your script was found in the bin? A bin where you keep rubbish, New Moon? Are you after our jobs or something? Do you think that doing so something so ridiculously beyond parody like actually throwing your own script in the bin where you keep rubbish will somehow make us redundant? Do you? Do you, New Moon? Anyway, a copy of the New Moon script has been found in a bin. A bin where you keep rubbish. Oh, we've already said.
For crying out loud, New Moon. You're making this way too easy for us. A bin? A copy of your script was found in the bin? A bin where you keep rubbish, New Moon? Are you after our jobs or something? Do you think that doing so something so ridiculously beyond parody like actually throwing your own script in the bin where you keep rubbish will somehow make us redundant? Do you? Do you, New Moon? Anyway, a copy of the New Moon script has been found in a bin. A bin where you keep rubbish. Oh, we've already said.
