Articles tagged with: New Moon
New New Moon Trailer Gets A Teaser Trailer, If That Makes Sense
Want to know how big New Moon is? It's so big that even New Moon trailers have their own teaser trailers now. Sadly, we're not joking. A New Moon trailer comes out on Friday, and to tease fans - about the trailer - a 15-second peek has emerged. Before the New Moon trailer teaser trailer came a teaser to the teaser trailer to the New Moon trailer, which consisted of five seconds of the New Moon trailer teaser trailer. And before that came the teaser to the teaser to the teaser trailer to the New Moon trailer, which lasted a tenth of a nanosecond and only existed in the mind of one overexcited teenage girl. Or bloody SOMETHING.
Want to know how big New Moon is? It's so big that even New Moon trailers have their own teaser trailers now. Sadly, we're not joking. A New Moon trailer comes out on Friday, and to tease fans - about the trailer - a 15-second peek has emerged. Before the New Moon trailer teaser trailer came a teaser to the teaser trailer to the New Moon trailer, which consisted of five seconds of the New Moon trailer teaser trailer. And before that came the teaser to the teaser to the teaser trailer to the New Moon trailer, which lasted a tenth of a nanosecond and only existed in the mind of one overexcited teenage girl. Or bloody SOMETHING.
Twilight: Now Ashley Greene Gets Naked On The Internet Too
In the space of seven days we've seen Vanessa Hudgens naked and Miley Cyrus poledancing. That's sexy. Or uncomfortably creepy. Let's go with creepy. But this disturbing tweeny flesh parade isn't over yet. Now Ashley Greene - who plays Alice in the Twilight movies - has become the latest celebrity to find naked pictures of herself dumped onto the internet. Honestly, some people will do anything to get noticed by Robert Pattinson. The naked photos have horrified Ashley Greene. Her naked body is sacred, and only for the people who'll watch the crappy thrillers she'll make once her career goes tits up.
In the space of seven days we've seen Vanessa Hudgens naked and Miley Cyrus poledancing. That's sexy. Or uncomfortably creepy. Let's go with creepy. But this disturbing tweeny flesh parade isn't over yet. Now Ashley Greene - who plays Alice in the Twilight movies - has become the latest celebrity to find naked pictures of herself dumped onto the internet. Honestly, some people will do anything to get noticed by Robert Pattinson. The naked photos have horrified Ashley Greene. Her naked body is sacred, and only for the people who'll watch the crappy thrillers she'll make once her career goes tits up.
Twilight: Eclipse – Bryce Dallas Howard Is Your New Hate Target, Fangirls
Oh no. Twilight has started swapping its actors around again, and you know how furious that makes its fans. So who's out now? Has Taylor Lautner been elbowed? Has the recession forced producers to replace two of the New Moon Wolf Pack with some rudimentary kebab-meat statues of Adam Rickett? Has Robert Pattinson quit Twilight because he's tired wiping teeny urine off his front door every morning? No. It's the character of Victoria - Rachelle Lefevre is out and Bryce Dallas Howard is in. We suppose we should draft up that 'Robert Pattinson gets Bryce Dallas Howard pregnant' article, then.
Oh no. Twilight has started swapping its actors around again, and you know how furious that makes its fans. So who's out now? Has Taylor Lautner been elbowed? Has the recession forced producers to replace two of the New Moon Wolf Pack with some rudimentary kebab-meat statues of Adam Rickett? Has Robert Pattinson quit Twilight because he's tired wiping teeny urine off his front door every morning? No. It's the character of Victoria - Rachelle Lefevre is out and Bryce Dallas Howard is in. We suppose we should draft up that 'Robert Pattinson gets Bryce Dallas Howard pregnant' article, then.
New Moon Essentially Floods Comic-Con With Teenage Wee-Wee
No no no, this won't do at all. Everyone knows that Comic-Con is a place for lonely, slightly pallid boys. That's how it works. They wander around a giant warehouse whooping at Damon Lindelof and then go home to beat one out over the rapidly-fading memory of the booby model employed to dress up like She-Hulk. Lonely girls at Comic-Con? No. Lonely girls at Comic-Con who make noises like faulty rape alarms whenever Robert Pattinson is about to take his top off? Definitely not. But that's basically what happened when New Moon was unveiled at Comic-Con yesterday. It sounds unbearable.
No no no, this won't do at all. Everyone knows that Comic-Con is a place for lonely, slightly pallid boys. That's how it works. They wander around a giant warehouse whooping at Damon Lindelof and then go home to beat one out over the rapidly-fading memory of the booby model employed to dress up like She-Hulk. Lonely girls at Comic-Con? No. Lonely girls at Comic-Con who make noises like faulty rape alarms whenever Robert Pattinson is about to take his top off? Definitely not. But that's basically what happened when New Moon was unveiled at Comic-Con yesterday. It sounds unbearable.
New Moon: The Movie That Will Stop You Liking Radiohead
The worst thing about Twilight was probably the music. No - Kristen Stewart. No - Robert Pattinson. No - everything. But the music was pretty awful. Fake-angsty nonsense, all of it - from that Linkin Park song that sounds like the Self Harm preset on Fred Durst's old Casio to two songs by Paramore, presumably included so that people would remember Twilight as the movie with the really crappy soundtrack in case the rest of it turned out forgettable. But the New Moon soundtrack is going to be different - Thom Yorke from Radiohead wants to appear it. We really wish we were joking.
The worst thing about Twilight was probably the music. No - Kristen Stewart. No - Robert Pattinson. No - everything. But the music was pretty awful. Fake-angsty nonsense, all of it - from that Linkin Park song that sounds like the Self Harm preset on Fred Durst's old Casio to two songs by Paramore, presumably included so that people would remember Twilight as the movie with the really crappy soundtrack in case the rest of it turned out forgettable. But the New Moon soundtrack is going to be different - Thom Yorke from Radiohead wants to appear it. We really wish we were joking.
Robert Pattinson Shares His Vampiric Seed With Kristen Stewart. Maybe.
It's sure to come as a shock, but try not to go for your gun straight away, whether it's to go on a killing rampage or to turn the barrel on yourself. Just hold on. You can get through this. It's damn hard though. We're struggling ourselves to come to terms with the news. Be comforted in the knowledge that hecklerspray is doing everything in its power to get to the bottom of this. For you see, Robert "Rob" Pattinson has gone and got Kristen Stewart pregnant, if reports are to be believed. Tweens and spinsters: he's cheated on you.
It's sure to come as a shock, but try not to go for your gun straight away, whether it's to go on a killing rampage or to turn the barrel on yourself. Just hold on. You can get through this. It's damn hard though. We're struggling ourselves to come to terms with the news. Be comforted in the knowledge that hecklerspray is doing everything in its power to get to the bottom of this. For you see, Robert "Rob" Pattinson has gone and got Kristen Stewart pregnant, if reports are to be believed. Tweens and spinsters: he's cheated on you.
Top 5 Future Movie Letdowns of 2009
It is as inevitable as day turning into night, Gordon Ramsay swearing and every odd numbered Star Trek movie being rubbish* – the summer blockbuster season is always ripe with disappointment. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news here but it’s true; this year has already proven that! - hello Wolverine, hello Terminator: Salvation - but there is hope and hype on the horizon - the year isn’t over yet. So here at hecklerspray we have decided to compile a list of films that you shouldn't be looking forward to, no matter what anybody says. *Proven wrong this year so the list is fallible.
It is as inevitable as day turning into night, Gordon Ramsay swearing and every odd numbered Star Trek movie being rubbish* – the summer blockbuster season is always ripe with disappointment. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news here but it’s true; this year has already proven that! - hello Wolverine, hello Terminator: Salvation - but there is hope and hype on the horizon - the year isn’t over yet. So here at hecklerspray we have decided to compile a list of films that you shouldn't be looking forward to, no matter what anybody says. *Proven wrong this year so the list is fallible.
You People (Almost) Killed Robert Pattinson! With A Taxi!
Are you a Robert Pattinson fan? You are? Well good for you. Do you realise that you made Robert Pattinson? You did. Without hysterical fans like you, Robert Pattinson wouldn't be one of the most desired men on the planet. He certainly wouldn't be anywhere near as rich as he is. And he wouldn't run out into the street and get hit by a taxi because he was terrified of the crowd of mad-eyed salivating teenage girls screaming his name like they were from a confusingly tweeny remake of Dawn Of The Dead. Because that happened yesterday. Good work, fans!
Are you a Robert Pattinson fan? You are? Well good for you. Do you realise that you made Robert Pattinson? You did. Without hysterical fans like you, Robert Pattinson wouldn't be one of the most desired men on the planet. He certainly wouldn't be anywhere near as rich as he is. And he wouldn't run out into the street and get hit by a taxi because he was terrified of the crowd of mad-eyed salivating teenage girls screaming his name like they were from a confusingly tweeny remake of Dawn Of The Dead. Because that happened yesterday. Good work, fans!
