Articles tagged with: New Moon
Kristen Stewart Would Like Everyone To Eff Off Now, Please
There's a good chance that Kristen Stewart is the most envied girl on the face of the planet right now. Why? Just look at her. She doesn't just get to kiss Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner all day long, but she actually gets paid to do it. No wonder Kristen Stewart recently topped an imaginary poll of stars who teenage girls would most like to secretly kill in order to dance around in a nightmarish suit made out of their skin. And how does Kristen Stewart react to all this scrutiny of her private life? By telling the entire world to jolly well eff off, obviously.
There's a good chance that Kristen Stewart is the most envied girl on the face of the planet right now. Why? Just look at her. She doesn't just get to kiss Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner all day long, but she actually gets paid to do it. No wonder Kristen Stewart recently topped an imaginary poll of stars who teenage girls would most like to secretly kill in order to dance around in a nightmarish suit made out of their skin. And how does Kristen Stewart react to all this scrutiny of her private life? By telling the entire world to jolly well eff off, obviously.
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart: Not A Couple (Unless They Are)
We don't know about you, but we wish that the events in Twilight and New Moon would happen in real life. We wish we knew a topless werewolf. We wish the world was really full of vampires. We really wish that Robert Pattinson would dissolve as soon as he comes in contact with sunlight. But, more than anything, we wish that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were a real couple. But, sadly, they're not. Robert Pattinson has told Vanity Fair as much. Which means that they are. Unless they've broken up. But they haven't. Probably. Unless they're not. Clear?
We don't know about you, but we wish that the events in Twilight and New Moon would happen in real life. We wish we knew a topless werewolf. We wish the world was really full of vampires. We really wish that Robert Pattinson would dissolve as soon as he comes in contact with sunlight. But, more than anything, we wish that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were a real couple. But, sadly, they're not. Robert Pattinson has told Vanity Fair as much. Which means that they are. Unless they've broken up. But they haven't. Probably. Unless they're not. Clear?
Taylor Lautner & Taylor Swift So Adorable It Makes Us Sick
This Taylor Lautner/ Taylor Swift thing is throwing up a lot of questions. Are they dating? Is it for real? Does it even matter? Why are our lives so very empty? That sort of thing. But the good news is that Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift - or Twoler, as literally nobody is calling them - seem to be getting closer to one another. They've been on dates, they've been photographed together, they've given coy interviews about each other. It looks like Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are for real. Still, it must be hard to make time for one another, what with Taylor Lautner's New Moon coming out really soon and the album that Taylor Swift would do anything to promote and... oh, wait a minute.
This Taylor Lautner/ Taylor Swift thing is throwing up a lot of questions. Are they dating? Is it for real? Does it even matter? Why are our lives so very empty? That sort of thing. But the good news is that Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift - or Twoler, as literally nobody is calling them - seem to be getting closer to one another. They've been on dates, they've been photographed together, they've given coy interviews about each other. It looks like Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are for real. Still, it must be hard to make time for one another, what with Taylor Lautner's New Moon coming out really soon and the album that Taylor Swift would do anything to promote and... oh, wait a minute.
Taylor Lautner Wants Everyone To Stop Staring At His Nipples
NEW MOON SPOILER ALERT: We've heard from insiders that Taylor Lautner might take his shirt off in New Moon. But tell nobody. It's a secret. If you look closely at the New Moon marketing campaign, though, you might see hints. Like the way that, say, Taylor Lautner doesn't wear a shirt in any of the New Moon trailers. Or any of the New Moon posters. Or the way that he appears to have never worn an item of clothing on his torso ever, even briefly as a joke. And this upsets Taylor Lautner. He says he wants to be remembered for his acting, not his body. And he'll prove it with his next movie, The Topless Adventures Of Captain Areola And The Greased-Up Avengers.
NEW MOON SPOILER ALERT: We've heard from insiders that Taylor Lautner might take his shirt off in New Moon. But tell nobody. It's a secret. If you look closely at the New Moon marketing campaign, though, you might see hints. Like the way that, say, Taylor Lautner doesn't wear a shirt in any of the New Moon trailers. Or any of the New Moon posters. Or the way that he appears to have never worn an item of clothing on his torso ever, even briefly as a joke. And this upsets Taylor Lautner. He says he wants to be remembered for his acting, not his body. And he'll prove it with his next movie, The Topless Adventures Of Captain Areola And The Greased-Up Avengers.
Oh For God’s Sake, It’s Another New Moon Trailer
New Moon won't be released for another month, but that's too long for us. We want New Moon to come out now! Why the sudden enthusiasm? Have we finally succumbed to the hype and decided that we'd actually enjoy New Moon? Since we're not fat little squealing 14-year-old girls, we'd have to say no. We actually want New Moon to come out now so that Summit can hurry up and start showing millions of poxy trailers for Eclipse all the bloody time instead. But until then we'll have to put with millions of New Moon trailers, the trillionth of which has just been released. After the jump!
New Moon won't be released for another month, but that's too long for us. We want New Moon to come out now! Why the sudden enthusiasm? Have we finally succumbed to the hype and decided that we'd actually enjoy New Moon? Since we're not fat little squealing 14-year-old girls, we'd have to say no. We actually want New Moon to come out now so that Summit can hurry up and start showing millions of poxy trailers for Eclipse all the bloody time instead. But until then we'll have to put with millions of New Moon trailers, the trillionth of which has just been released. After the jump!
Taylor Swift & Taylor Lautner: Smoochy Smooch Kiss Kiss?
Are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? Well, yes. Yes, there are probably several. But are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now who have the same first name and might possibly be dating than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? No. We mean, there might be. But we haven't checked. Seriously, what kind of joyless imbecile goes around finding couples who share a first name to see if they're more or less famous than other couples who share a first name? Not us, buddy. NOT US. Anyway, Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner might be dating. That was our point.
Are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? Well, yes. Yes, there are probably several. But are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now who have the same first name and might possibly be dating than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? No. We mean, there might be. But we haven't checked. Seriously, what kind of joyless imbecile goes around finding couples who share a first name to see if they're more or less famous than other couples who share a first name? Not us, buddy. NOT US. Anyway, Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner might be dating. That was our point.
Good News, Shrieking Idiots: Robert Pattinson Can’t Get A Date
Robert Pattinson might be one of the most famous haircuts in the world right now, but he still can't find a date. Don't get excited. That sentence probably needs a qualifier. Let's try this: Robert Pattinson still can't find a date... with anyone who isn't a witless honking teenage girl with bladder control problems, a rubbish haircut and a frankly dispiriting fixation with terrible films about vampires. So that's you ruled out, clearly. Anyway, it's apparently true. Robert Pattinson says he's having trouble in the love department. He's working on it, but first he needs to fix his problems in the haircut, acting range and charisma departments. It's good to prioritise.
Robert Pattinson might be one of the most famous haircuts in the world right now, but he still can't find a date. Don't get excited. That sentence probably needs a qualifier. Let's try this: Robert Pattinson still can't find a date... with anyone who isn't a witless honking teenage girl with bladder control problems, a rubbish haircut and a frankly dispiriting fixation with terrible films about vampires. So that's you ruled out, clearly. Anyway, it's apparently true. Robert Pattinson says he's having trouble in the love department. He's working on it, but first he needs to fix his problems in the haircut, acting range and charisma departments. It's good to prioritise.
Another New Moon Trailer! That’s Slightly Longer! GNUUUH!
So Kanye West grabbed all the MTV VMA headlines by acting like the world's most unnaturally colossal turd. But that's not the real news. No, the real news is that MTV broadcast a New Moon trailer! Yes, we know that there have already been about a million New Moon trailers, but this one is different. It's very slightly longer! And Robert Pattinson takes his top off in it! And therefore it's more liable to make us want to deliberately binge ourselves into a pharmaceutically-assisted coma just to escape it! Excited about the New Moon trailer? Then you're an idiot. Also, it's after the jump...
So Kanye West grabbed all the MTV VMA headlines by acting like the world's most unnaturally colossal turd. But that's not the real news. No, the real news is that MTV broadcast a New Moon trailer! Yes, we know that there have already been about a million New Moon trailers, but this one is different. It's very slightly longer! And Robert Pattinson takes his top off in it! And therefore it's more liable to make us want to deliberately binge ourselves into a pharmaceutically-assisted coma just to escape it! Excited about the New Moon trailer? Then you're an idiot. Also, it's after the jump...
