Scorpions will kill you. Don't argue with us, they will. Klaus Meine, the lead singer of the German heavy metal band, is responsible for the deaths of almost 1,000 people alone!

NOTE: Sony Germany?s lawyers have asked us to point out that Klaus Meine has never been convicted of, charged for or even accused of murder. That opening paragraph was just an hilarious joke that we used to indicate the tone of the piece (irreverent/jokey). Although admittedly, the joke only really works if you're familiar with obscure European hair rock bands of the 1980?s. Statistically, our readership profiling research suggests that less than 5% of you will have heard of Scorpions, so that opening really should probably have been rewritten. Come to think of it, this second paragraph explaining the Scorpions reference and then explaining itself also should have been cut.