New album - HecklerSpray

Boards Of Canada Say They’re Making A New Album In As Few Words As Possible

March 14th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Hey geeds! You like Boards of Canada right? You can’t ever adequately tell anyone quite why because they’re really samey and much copied and not especially catchy… but… they’re made of magic aren’t they? And they’re all secretive, reclusive and cultish, right?

Well,?Boards of Canada have confirmed that they are working on a new studio album.

This is news coming straight from the band themselves who, surprisingly, have taken to social networking sites to… well… say very little as usual. However, the few words are positive and promise a new LP. Let us explain.

Music Review: The Junipers ‘Paint The Ground’

August 6th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

The greatest band in the whole wide world have got a new album. That’s right, supreme psychedelicists, The Junipers, are following up their ‘Cut Your Key’ LP with the wonderful, enchanting, downright POSITIVE longplayer, ‘Paint The Ground’.

Get that? A totally non-cynical, upbeat LP! How deeply unfashionable to be cheerful in the face of such unrelenting worldwide gloom.

The question is, have The Junipers pulled it off? Have they managed to top their near-perfect debut album?

David Hasselhoff Bothers QVC By Singing All Over It

February 28th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

As far as adoptions go, the UK proudly house people of all colour and creed. Is it because we care? Or so we can steal their national culinary cuisines and make inferior versions of them? Just look at Nandos and Yo Sushi. Because the Brits don’t like actual Germans,?David Hasselhoff ticks our Vaterland?criteria.

And with our Germanic Hoff substitute, we didn’t get sausages and strong ale, we got Knight Rider – a programme so awful that the only realistic thing in it was a talking motor car called KITT.

After returning to his adopted homeland to flog power ballads, Hasselhoff returned to the UK and ironically got asked to judge Britain?s Got Talent. Surely after that watching his poor German humour on primetime TV, he'd go away? Nope, he's still around pestering those who?ll listen. Even shambolic bidding TV channel QVC isn't safe. They were treated to a performance from ?The Hoff? as he launched his new album.?Der abschaum der menschlichen gesellschaft!

Skrillex & Ellie Goulding’s Blossoming Romance Pre-Emptively Named Least Interesting Thing Of 2012

February 17th, 2012 By Michael Park

It might surprise you to learn that dubstep superstar Skrillex has managed to evade our detection up until now. Fans of uninspired, grimy rubbish need live in fear no longer. He finally matters to us!

Why do we suddenly care what the Greasy-Haired Prince of the Undercut is up to? Well, in case you haven’t heard he’s been making kissy-faces with Ellie Goulding of “having a jaw the size of a cruise-liner” fame.

There we go, there’s your jokes about their appearances. Did you enjoy them? No? Good.

Readers’ Letters: “This Dude Has Some Issues” Or “How I Learned To Stop Worrying & Take Loads Of Crack”

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Well, knock us down with a feather. It must be that time of the week again.?The time when we force our hands into the stinking, wretched filth that comes into the hecklerspray mailbox.

To give you an idea of what our mailbag actually resembles, allow us to paint you a picture. With words. Imagine taking a bowl of delicious, ripe fruit and writing a series of misguided, offended or just plain idiotic messages on each pieces and then leaving it to rot. Then imagine putting the pulped, putrid remains of the fruit into a plastic carrier bag and leaving it in a very humid room for a couple of weeks.

Z-Shaped, Tasteless Losers Rejoice At New Material From Suede!

January 16th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Remember Suede? That’s right. They were a vaguely noisy band with an obsession with Bowie and women’s blouses. They were at the forefront of Britpop and, for the most part, Britpop was rubbish. So thanks for that.

Apparently, they’ll be making a comeback. Just great.

Of course, there’s a plethora of middle-aged men with pink faces who are just as thrilled as their velvet blazer wearing girlfriends who will be pleased about the return of one of the most average bands in existence! Dust down your Doc Martens now! Start brushing off your best Indie Nightclubs Of The 90s anecdotes now!

Kelly Clarkson Is Going To Star Spangled Thingy At Super Bowl XLVI

January 12th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Hey! America! You know that song you have that goes “Oh say can you see? By the dawn’s early light! Da-da-dum, dee-dee-dee, the actor called Rocket Redglare’s arse glows!” or whatever it is? Well, once again, it will be sung at a major sporting event where you don’t compete against anyone else in the world!

And who might be fluffing the lyrics to it at Super Bowl XLVI?!

Why, it’s the regrettably nice Kelly Clarkson who is very, very difficult to hate – unless you listen to her music.

Lady Gaga To Release New Album In 2012 (Still Time To Clean Your Gas Mask And Finish Your Anderson Shelter)

January 6th, 2012 By Robin Darke

Aren't we all lucky people right now? Frankie Cocozza is off the streets for the next few weeks so we can all get over that bad bout of crabs that we can't seem to shift, Adele has a new boyfriend so we might not have a song that isn't the worst sort of melancholic bollocks available and Lady Gaga has promised us a new album appearing sometime this year.

She doesn't have name for it yet, and even if she did, we wouldn't find out about it until she cryptically posted a video entitled ?le title prologue? or whatever bollocks language she thinks is so vogue right now, or has all the World?s press stepping on her toes, dying to get the slightest piece of information out of her tightly wound lips.

And we don't mean the ones that's-a on her face.

Lady GaGa Leaves Hotel Filled With Blood Like It’s The Shining Or Something

January 3rd, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Oooh, that Lady GaGa is weird isn’t she? She loves letting us all know how weird she is. Or is it needy? We can’t tell the difference anymore. It’s the fault of emo kids. They turned being odd into a lifestyle choice and now we’re all confused. No. Not that kind of confused.

Not that you care. This is not about us. You want to know about Lady GaGa.

See, G’gaa left, reportedly, “large amounts of blood” in a hotel bath. Is it some Satanic ritual? Did she have a particularly nasty period? Is she really terrible at shaving her legs and back? Let us investigate!

Lady GaGa Has A Boyfriend So You Can Stop Pretending To Fancy Her Now

December 29th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Lady Gaga is the ideal woman for… well… most gay men in the world. Apart from those who think she’s cynically milking the gay purse for all it’s worth. Of course, there are straight people and lesbians who fancy her as well, but all that doesn’t matter.

Bad news for you guys.

See, it appears that GaGa has sidestepped the whole, tired ‘Hur hur, she’s got a penis’ rumours to ‘Hur hur, she’s riding someone else’s penis’ now as she was spotted on a romantic stroll with a Vampire Diaries star. Presumably, they were both wearing crab-claw shoes and sporting hats made from tumble-dryer drums. Just to avoid being conspicuous you understand.