neville southall - HecklerSpray

What Would You Ask Neville Southall?

August 7th, 2012 By Kris Silver

If you watched Channel 4?s titillating documentary, ?My Phone Sex Secrets,? then somewhere, in the back of your mind will undoubtedly be the notion that maybe you could breathe heavily down a phone at some random wanking pervert whilst being paid by the minute.

Well that's what ex Everton goalkeeper Neville Southall thought, as he's opened up his own premium rate phone line, there?ll probably be marginally less wanking but, given Neville?s rather robust frame, there is sure to be a lot of heavy breathing.

Curious fans or a very niche subset of the pervert community can now log on to asknevillesouthall.com and pay to receive either an email, costing ?49, or a one hour long call from the great man, for a recession busting ?99.

Ryan Giggs To Stuff Brother’s Mouth With Money For Silence Before Sloping Into Retirement

June 10th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Ryan Giggs may have won just about everything a footballer can win at club level, but really, what he most excels in is How To Balls Up A Brilliant Career By Completely Mismanaging A Scandal Surrounding Your Sex Life Forever And Ever.

So badly has Giggs played the whole injunction/Imogen Thomas thing, is that he’s now the new Barbra Streisand Effect, with everyone tittering at him for being such a colossal berk.

And weirdly, while no-one is actually supposed to be talking about him, thanks to the injunction still being in place, Imogen Thomas is apparently set to star in a musical about her affair with him, which surely contravenes all manner of laws. Still, at least Giggs isn’t trying to buy people’s silence again… wait? WHAT? AGAIN?

Ryan Giggs Allegedly Affairs One Off With Two Injunctionless Women, Including His Sister-In-Law

June 7th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

If the rumours about Ryan Giggs are true, then he’s a class act. For years, he appeared to be the model professional footballer, quietly going about his business and winning more trophies than is decent.

However, everyone (apart from sallow Man United fans) has forgotten all about that as his erect member appears to be the one firmly in the spotlight now. In fairness, it is shocking that a wealthy person misbehaves in their private life.

Hilariously though, the newest rumour (the previous one still has an injunction on it so we’ve no idea whether we can mention his reported sexual relations with Imogen Thomas or not… oh…) is better than the last as his sister in law is claiming that he’s been having it away with her, as well as a third woman. Morals aside, he’s not doing too badly for a man who looks like a hairy testicle merged with a wingnut in some horrible genetic splicing accident is he?

Imogen Thomas Loved Him, And In Unrelated News, Stacey Giggs Will Not Allow Her Marriage To Fail

May 31st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

We don’t know where we’re at with this stupid, pointless superinjunction story. Can we say THE PLAYER’s name now? Everyone else has been screaming it from the rooftops, yet some are still saying that the superinjunction is still in place and that we’ll be in trouble if we say it.

As we don’t really know what we’re allowed to say, we’ll just run two completely unrelated stories together in this one article, okay?

One involves the poor, desperate plight of former Big Brotherer and sex-tapist, Imogen Thomas. The other story involves Stacey Giggs, who is refusing to let her marriage be destroyed by outside forces. Okay? Good.