Articles tagged with: Neverland
As the world comes to terms with the sudden death of one of its most enduring icons, we all naturally begin to question what justice there is in the universe. Really, how could any God with an ounce of compassion take Billy Mays and his fearsomely black beard, yet leave prostitute-slapping Vince Shlomi free to roam the earth with his boggly eyes and six-inch high hair? Damn you, God. Damn you to... well, one of the least good parts of Heaven, we guess. Also, as you may have heard, Michael Jackson died last week. After the jump: fake autopsy results and Fox's ill-advised tribute. And some Billy.
Until now if you were staring from the inside out through the mighty gates of the Neverland Ranch, it was with big sad eyes and your pants on backwards. That changes now. That’s because several things found in and around the house by Michael Jackson himself are about to go up for auction – including those gates. That means if you win the bid and then do the dishes that night, your mom might let you somehow attach them to your bedroom doorway. Wouldn’t that just impress the ladies?
Michael Jackson's dream is over - well, not the terrifying dream where his face slowly atrophies, that one's still going strong. We're talking about the dream where Michael Jackson grows old surrounded by the luxury of his Neverland ranch. It's been revealed that Michael Jackson has finally lost Neverland, and has signed the house and grounds over to a corporation - presumably a corporation that specialises in finding suitably creepy real estate for frightening comicbook supervillians. And, in a sense, that's what has happened. The corporation that Michael Jackson has signed Neverland over to is part owned by... Michael Jackson. So, in a sense, what that means is - oh, look, who are we kidding? This is so confusing, it'd take a month to get to the bottom of it. God, Michael Jackson was so much easier to understand when everyone thought he molested children.
Think of Michael Jackson and the first thing that springs to mind is the Neverland ranch. Alright, that's a lie - the Neverland ranch is probably near the bottom of the list, coming some way after his ghoulish facial surgery, the seemingly bizarre treatment of his children, his child molestation court case, the porn, the Jesus juice and that monkey he used to own - but it doesn't matter. Michael Jackson has finally fought off foreclosure on Neverland, so it's his forever. Alright, that's also a lie - by 'his' we mean it's technically the property of the investment company who bought the loan that Michael Jackson took out to save Neverland, and by 'forever' we mean for about a fortnight until Michael Jackson gets behind on his repayments again - but that doesn't really matter either. Probably.
If Michael Jackson ever lost Neverland, he'd be a broken shell of a man - or at least more broken and shelly than he is now, if that's even possible.
Luckily, though, we don't have to concern ourselves with that any more - Michael Jackson isn't going to lose Neverland any more.
Although it had been up for public auction next month, Michael Jackson has worked out a private agreement with an investment group to make sure that Neverland stays his. Bad luck everyone else - you'll just have to find another spooky dilapidated old ranch complete with its own nightmarish arrested-adolescent fairground and hard-to-remove, albeit legally-nonexistent, child abuse connotations to spend your money on.
You there! Need a creepy set for your latest horror movie? Don't cry when you walk around abandoned zoos? Quite a lot richer than you have any reason to be?
Well we have just the property for you! Unless Michael Jackson ponies up $24 million in the next couple of weeks, his long cherished Neverland ranch will be going up for public auction.
That's right - there's nothing stopping you buying Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch. Apart from, you know, your chronic lack of money and that legally-disproved sensation you have in the pit of your stomach that a teenage cancer victim might have been wanked off there a lot.
