Neverland - HecklerSpray

Aaron Carter Sampled Michael Jackson’s Jesus Juice (And Possibly More)

July 1st, 2011 By Kris Silver

There was a time, not so long ago, when Justin Bieber didn't exist. It's hard to believe we know, but it's true. ?But who did you have to provide annoying bubblegum pop that sent tweenage girls hearts a flutter?? We hear you ask.

The answer is simple, Aaron Carter. He was the brother of a Backstreet Boy, wore a backwards baseball cap and he had Bieber?s trademark mix of a baby face, blond hair and an unthreatening charm that saw him climb the charts with such sweet puppy love anthems as, ?I Want Candy,? and, ?Crazy Little Party Girl.?

Naturally all of this made him a target for Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson, the state park!

July 19th, 2010 By Ralph Sanders

What's the first thing that springs to mind if I mentioned ?Public Parks?? If you answered ?paedophiles?, then it looks like you're in agreement with the California State Legislature. And you're also a bit of a weirdo – take a couple of steps back.

Michael Jackson?s legacy will never die. No, it's not because of his music, or because of his groundbreaking music videos, or his strange melty-face, or his weird white sparkly wanking glove that he wore out in public. No, if one Californian Assemblyman gets his way, his whole 2,500 acre Neverland ranch could be made into a giant public park. Which would make it possibly the only public park in the world that comes complete with its own giraffe enclosure, amusement park, ?numerous statues of children? (according to Wikipedia that is), floral clock and a gruesomely off-putting sense of lingering improper conduct. Hurrah!

Look Out, There's A Creepy Michael Jackson Theme Park Opening

January 12th, 2010 By Matthew Laidlow

We really admire the Jackson estate. Honestly, when you look at how it’s dealt with the death of their beloved Michael Jackson it couldn't have done a better job.

Since his death in June, all sorts of wacko things have been continuing to happen to Michael Jackson. He saw a surge of popularity as people purchased his back catalogue, even the rubbish Invincible album. In true form, he didn't get laid to rest in a normal ceremony. Instead we got a comedy televised memorial as he lay in tacky gold coffin.

So what's next on the path to forcing the memory of Michael Jackson upon us all? Something that we know he loved, a theme park. Just perfect for children.

Michael Jackson’s Fake Autopsy Results, American Idol And Billy Mays

June 30th, 2009 By Paul Gibson

As the world comes to terms with the sudden death of one of its most enduring icons, we all naturally begin to question what justice there is in the universe.

Really, how could any God with an ounce of compassion take Billy Mays and his fearsomely black beard, yet leave prostitute-slapping Vince Shlomi free to roam the earth with his boggly eyes and six-inch high hair? Damn you, God. Damn you to… well, one of the least good parts of Heaven, we guess.

Also, as you may have heard, Michael Jackson died last week. After the jump: fake autopsy results and Fox‘s ill-advised tribute. And some Billy.

Tons Of Michael Jackson Crap About To Be Auctioned Off By Michael Jackson

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Until now if you were staring from the inside out through the mighty gates of the Neverland Ranch, it was with big sad eyes and your pants on backwards.

That changes now. That's because several things found in and around the house by Michael Jackson himself are about to go up for auction ? including those gates. That means if you win the bid and then do the dishes that night, your mom might let you somehow attach them to your bedroom doorway. Wouldn't that just impress the ladies?

Michael Jackson Finally Sacks Off Neverland

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Michael Jackson’s dream is over – well, not the terrifying dream where his face slowly atrophies, that one’s still going strong.

We’re talking about the dream where Michael Jackson grows old surrounded by the luxury of his Neverland ranch. It’s been revealed that Michael Jackson has finally lost Neverland, and has signed the house and grounds over to a corporation – presumably a corporation that specialises in finding suitably creepy real estate for frightening comicbook supervillians.

And, in a sense, that’s what has happened. The corporation that Michael Jackson has signed Neverland over to is part owned by… Michael Jackson. So, in a sense, what that means is – oh, look, who are we kidding? This is so confusing, it’d take a month to get to the bottom of it. God, Michael Jackson was so much easier to understand when everyone thought he molested children.

Michael Jackson Saves His Nightmarish Dilapidated Ranch

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Think of Michael Jackson and the first thing that springs to mind is the Neverland ranch.

Alright, that’s a lie – the Neverland ranch is probably near the bottom of the list, coming some way after his ghoulish facial surgery, the seemingly bizarre treatment of his children, his child molestation court case, the porn, the Jesus juice and that monkey he used to own – but it doesn’t matter. Michael Jackson has finally fought off foreclosure on Neverland, so it’s his forever.

Alright, that’s also a lie – by ‘his’ we mean it’s technically the property of the investment company who bought the loan that Michael Jackson took out to save Neverland, and by ‘forever’ we mean for about a fortnight until Michael Jackson gets behind on his repayments again – but that doesn’t really matter either. Probably.

Michael Jackson Keeps Creepy Old Neverland

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

If Michael Jackson ever lost Neverland, he'd be a broken shell of a man – or at least more broken and shelly than he is now, if that's even possible.

Luckily, though, we don't have to concern ourselves with that any more – Michael Jackson isn't going to lose Neverland any more.

Although it had been up for public auction next month, Michael Jackson has worked out a private agreement with an investment group to make sure that Neverland stays his. Bad luck everyone else – you'll just have to find another spooky dilapidated old ranch complete with its own nightmarish arrested-adolescent fairground and hard-to-remove, albeit legally-nonexistent, child abuse connotations to spend your money on.

You – Yes, You – Can Buy Michael Jackson’s Neverland!

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

You there! Need a creepy set for your latest horror movie? Don't cry when you walk around abandoned zoos? Quite a lot richer than you have any reason to be?

Well we have just the property for you! Unless Michael Jackson ponies up $24 million in the next couple of weeks, his long cherished Neverland ranch will be going up for public auction.

That's right – there's nothing stopping you buying Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch. Apart from, you know, your chronic lack of money and that legally-disproved sensation you have in the pit of your stomach that a teenage cancer victim might have been wanked off there a lot.