Nelson Mandela is probably the closest thing to a living saint we've got – he's so kindly and warm, like Santa Claus, the Werther's Original grandpa and Ronald McDonald all rolled into one.

Nelson Mandela has got nothing but pure undiluted joy for every single person in the whole wide world – or at least he would have, if Naomi Campbell wasn't such a massive angry bitch all the time.

There's a big concert being held in Hyde Park for Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday tomorrow, and Naomi Campbell was on call to introduce some of the acts. However, since her recent air rage conviction it's been reported that Nelson Mandela himself has personally intervened to remove Naomi Campbell from proceedings. Hopefully there's still time to replace Naomi with a friendlier celebrity – perhaps Amy Winehouse's husband or the ghost of Saparmurat Niyazov or something.