It must be a nightmare living next door to James Bond.

Face it – you'd have that huge Aston Martin clogging up the driveway, a never-ending stream of Martini supply trucks dropping stuff off and the occasional coroner popping round to have a peek at dead ladies covered in gold paint. Not to mention the fact that he'd be looking all suave and ladykiller-like all the time, constantly showing off beautiful girlfriends like Eva Mendes while – in stark contrast – you have to settle for some slapper you met in Wetherspoons who looks a bit like the Cadbury's Mini Eggs parrot.

Luckily, of course, Bond is simply a fictional character. You'd never have such trouble if you lived next to, say, actor Sean Connery, would you? Of course not – he'd be like a benevolent old uncle, constantly popping round from the flat upstairs to give you tins of shortbread and perform entertaining highland jigs when there's nothing on television.

You'd think that, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you? Hell yes you would – and you'd quite literally be the wrongest person in the whole wide world for doing so.

Connery, you see, is apparently a bit of an ordeal. He and his New York neighbour are continually at each other's throats, and we don't mean in an amusing, they-love-each-other-really 70s sitcom sort of way. Oh no – they mean business.

Connery occupies the top two floors of an Upper East Side townhouse, while the bottom four floors are inhabited by  Dr. Burton Sultan and his family. Seany-boy isn't too happy with this arrangement, though: he wants the whole bloody building to himself, presumably so he can stockpile every existing copy of Zardoz in there and then blow the place up.

Apparently a letter from Connery's lawyer has surfaced, which reveals some dastardly plans:

"I think if we tie him (Sultan) up in several lawsuits, hopefully this will either permanently subdue him, or drive him out of the building."

It isn't all one-way traffic, though. Dr. Sultan himself has taken legal action in the past, and one of these lawsuits labelled Connery thus:

"A rude, foul-mouthed, fat old man who plays loud music all the time while stomping about the apartment."

If hecklerspray was in Sultan's shoes, we'd be looking for a new place to live. Not because we're intimidated by Connery's gruff reputation, of course – we'd just be more worried that whatever insanity led him to make Entrapment might be contagious, and before too long we'd be engaged in all sorts of mediocre, badly-scripted action sequences.

And after that remake of National Treasure we just did, that's the last thing we'd want.

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Sean Connery branded neighbour from hell in ongoing property row - Daily Mail