Naomi Campbell Boycotts That Airline That Banned Her Forever OK, we take back every single bad thing we ever said about Naomi Campbell - she's finally convinced us that she's a genius. We mean it. Naomi Campbell is a genius. Only a genius could do something as flat-out berserk as what Naomi Campbell's just done. Recently Naomi Campbell was banned from flying with British Airways for life for spitting on a policeman in the middle of a violent tantrum about luggage. So, naturally, Naomi Campbell has made a huge point of boycotting British Airways, even though it's already banned her. Seriously. Indiscriminate violence and a dangerously flawed mental process? We can't figure out why nobody's married a catch like that yet.

Brazil: Naomi Campbell’s Blood? Ew Gross, No It has long been foretold that Naomi Campbell's blood would spill forth upon the land, creeping into every house, every street and every unfortunate gaping mouth that happens to be astounded by the sight of such a big red tidal wave. In recent years theologians have stated that all the signs are in place, and that the apocalyptic super-model's body explosion would happen any day now. We're still waiting. Let's hope it doesn't happen anytime soon either - because as it stands right now her blood isn't even good enough to save under-weight mosquito children. Well we think that's how it stands. We've actually only read headlines on the matter.

Naomi Campbell Cautioned For Airport Cop-Spit Fury Attack

Naomi Campbell has escaped serious punishment for her spazzy airport tantrum last week, possibly because the police know that no prison's puny metal bars can contain a force of nature that terrifying.

Instead, Naomi Campbell has walked away with nothing more than a caution - the slap on the wrist usually doled out to naughty schoolboys.

But a punishment is a punishment, and Naomi Campbell will no doubt learn some very important lessons on to become a better person from it. Or she'll try and genetically bind her DNA with that of a dilophosaurus so that the next time she spits at a policemen her acidic saliva will melt his eyes and leave him vulnerable enough for her to slash open his belly with her ferocious talons. Which is probably more likely.

Naomi Campbell Arrested For Giant Airport Strop-Attack The Heathrow Terminal 5 situation is worse than we thought - it's managed to make Naomi Campbell angry, and nothing makes Naomi Campbell angry.

Wait, sorry, that's a typo. That last bit should have read 'everything makes Naomi Campbell angry. Everything. Even buttercups and pictures of big-eyed bunny rabbits. Everything.' Sorry.

So Naomi Campbell got angry at Heathrow airport. How angry? Arrested for attacking a policeman angry. That's good anger but not great anger, Naomi, and we're a little bit disappointed. Next time try kicking a wing off or hiding a bomb in your shoe or something.

Naomi Campbell Meets With Hugo Chavez, Touches His Muscles

If we ever got real close to Naomi Campbell the first thing we'd do is squinch our eyes and brace for impact.

Once any potential threat subsided we might become brave enough to ask her if we could please see the splinters in her knuckles that she's carried since the time she smashed her boyfriend's yacht to smithereens in less than ten punches.

UK Trainwreck Of The Year Awards: THE RESULTS!

We asked and you responded - here come the long-awaited results of the hecklerspray UK Trainwreck Of The Year survey 2007.

Back in November we asked you to tell us which British celebrities had buggered their lives and reputations up more than anyone with either alcohol, booze, a scant regard for the law or just gigantic, all-encompassing stupidity, and you responded in your thousands. Thank you one and all. But who is the biggest UK Trainwreck Of The Year?

It's a prestigious title, that's for sure - similar in status to an Oscar or a sainthood - and the top ten Trainwrecks include Kate Moss, Jade Goody, Heather Mills, Pete Doherty, Charley From Big Brother, Joss Stone, Amy Winehouse, Victoria Beckham and Naomi Campbell - but in what order? Let's find out...

Naomi Campbell Too Haggard For Lewis Hamilton

Since Naomi Campbell became legal back on 22nd May 1986, she has opened her legs at pelvis-breaking speed to welcome any new black icon that has emerged onto the scene - Mike Tyson, Usher, Damon Dash, P Diddy and that bloke from U2 are among a legion of others who were all more that happy to acquiesce to her chuff-based request.

But modern day hero Lewis Hamilton, the prodigal driving boy with the kindest face in the world, has shown his maturity again by refusing to park up inside Naomi's cordial car park.

The 22-year-old F1 star, who has been seen with the 37-year-old supermodel on several occasions in recent months, insists the age gap is too big for them to have a relationship.